Slow Joe (Old Profile, Please Add The New One) profile picture

Slow Joe (Old Profile, Please Add The New One)

Make friends with me. Improve your life.

About Me

To find out what a dork I can be, go here: My Official Blog!!

or click below:

Paste the below code onto your page and I'll be your best friend:

THE SLOW JOE MYSPACE BLOG GRAVEYARD (Thanks *Joe* ):
I Have Been Falsely Accused of Blog Whoring

My Iron-Clad $100 Guarantee to My Loyal Readers

Q & A With Slow Joe's Body Parts Episode II: The Penis Strikes Back

You Dared to Ask Me Questions...I Dared to Answer Them. Sorta.

Beware My "Blogs of Death"

A Quick E-mail From Tom About the HTML in Blog Comments

Love Hurts...Let Slow Joe Be Your Anti-Bacterial Ointment

Notes from an Emergency Meeting due to the Blog Contest

Blog Tag III: Slow Joe Strikes Back

Simulation (Non-Humor)

Please Ignore This Blog

Please Help Me Remain a Total Loser

I Stayed Home This Morning and Watched Enthralling, Amazing, High-Quality Daytime TV

What Was I Writing About Again?

One Long Run-On Sentence

Prejudice and Discrimination in the MySpace Humor Blog Contest

My Big Interview With Celebrity Journalists!

Potential Blog Taglines (Including My $100 Guarantee!)

My Internet is Down (an F-Word-laced rant)

I'm 36 Years Old...

Warning: Tagging Slow Joe May Cause Insanity

Tagged: More About Me Than You'd Ever Want to Know

I Had an Air About Me in Boston

With Me, Even Buying T-Shirts Can Be an Adventure (Official Blog)

What the Heck are “Kudos” Anyway?

My Price Would Never Be Right (Official Blog)

Random Saturday Morning

Myspace Layouts at Pimp-My-Profile.com / Buccaneers - Image Hosting

My Interests

"I'm sick and tired of taking women out, spending a good nine or ten dollars on them, and then they just lay there like a lump on a log" -Robert Hawkins

"Why are people still getting married? Isn't anyone looking at the statistics? Isn't it that 50% of marraiges are going right down the shitter? If you were skydiving and they told you that half the parachutes weren't going to open, would you go?" -Bill Burr

"Sometimes I wonder what the hell I should be doing with my life. Once a friend gave me the advice to 'live everyday as if it were my last'. I tried. But let's face it...that's a LOT of beer." -Joe Simmons

These are NOT my interests! I just thought these lines were really funny.

I'd like to meet:

If I sent you a friend request, most likely one or more of the following applies to you:

1. You are someone I know in real life

2. You know someone I know in real life

3. You are a stand-up comedian whose act I laughed out loud watching

4. You write an excellent blog

5. You are otherwise creative in any of a myriad of ways

6. You leave comments on the same blogs I read

7. You are in one of the Dave Barry groups

8. Your profile indicates you have a great sense of humor, or

9. You are an incredibly hot chick (let's face it, I am male)

If I sent you a friend request even if your profile is marked "private", I promise I am harmless. But if you prefer to remain private, at least subscribe to my blog. Of course, then you may be glad you didn't befriend me. ;-)

.. ..

HILARIOUS! This is most likely why I'm still single:

.. ..

Great Bill Burr Clip:

Quite possibly the greatest music video I have EVER seen:

Music:

I like music.

Movies:

I like movies, too. What kind of stupid question is that?

Television:

TV, except for Comedy Central, really, REALLY sucks. I mean really, REALLY, REALLY sucks!

Heroes:

.. ..

My Blog

The End is Near (Replies)

Okay, my lovely little snowflakes&this is just about it.  By January 1st, all new blogging will be done on my new MySpace Comedy Profile.  I am going to try to squeeze in one more editio...
Posted by Slow Joe (Old Profile, Please Add The New One) on Sun, 30 Dec 2007 05:15:00 PST

A Dedication to the Best Friend I Lost Yesterday (Non-Humor) (Updated)

(I apologize, but there is no humor here.  In fact, it may be a tear-jerker.  I'm writing with a heavy heart.)  I didn't even really want her.   It was 1994, and my college roo...
Posted by Slow Joe (Old Profile, Please Add The New One) on Tue, 18 Dec 2007 07:30:00 PST

Random Crap III: Random With a Vengeance (Replies)

1.  You know, I never intended for these "Random Crap" blogs to be a weekly thing.  For whatever reason, though, I enjoy it.  I can just fire away at whatever topics cross my somewhat...
Posted by Slow Joe (Old Profile, Please Add The New One) on Fri, 14 Dec 2007 01:36:00 PST

My Price Would Never Be Right (Replies)

(A few of you may recognize this piece, as it was posted on my Official Blog back in February and teased here.  It's always been a favorite of mine.)I found out recently that Bob Barker finally r...
Posted by Slow Joe (Old Profile, Please Add The New One) on Wed, 12 Dec 2007 03:57:00 PST

Random Crap II: The Christmas Time Version (Includes a Video Clip of Me)

  1.  I hate television commercials this time of year.  Every other ad on TV seems to tell me that if I'm not buying my loved one a $50,000 luxury SUV, I must be a lousy, cheap, hygien...
Posted by Slow Joe (Old Profile, Please Add The New One) on Fri, 07 Dec 2007 10:17:00 PST

Do You Have a Strong Back? I Need Help Moving to a New MySpace! (Update at Bottom)

I've started moving all of my stuff to a new profile, and I gotta tell ya, this is hard work!  I mean, I'm building up a serious sweat.  I've got boxes everywhere!  I've got a box mar...
Posted by Slow Joe (Old Profile, Please Add The New One) on Wed, 05 Dec 2007 01:32:00 PST

Apparently My Last Blog Was Good Enough to Plagiarize (UPDATE: His Response)

Update: In retrospect, I feel kind of bad that he got bombarded with messages/comments before he had a chance to respond.  But, while I've apologized to him for that twice now, I'm wondering: "...
Posted by Slow Joe (Old Profile, Please Add The New One) on Sat, 01 Dec 2007 01:07:00 PST

Do YOU Qualify to be Slow Joes Girlfriend? (Update with replies)

I'm often asked why I'm seemingly always single.  Almost daily I hear: "Joe, how can someone as charming, handsome, sweet, modest, and adorable as yourself possibly not have a girlfriend?"  ...
Posted by Slow Joe (Old Profile, Please Add The New One) on Thu, 29 Nov 2007 05:48:00 PST

My Mom Blogs! Seriously!

My mother posted her very first blog tonight.  I'm currently trying to compose one myself (seriously), but I keep getting distracted by all the voices in my head (almost as seriously).Anyway, her...
Posted by Slow Joe (Old Profile, Please Add The New One) on Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:00:00 PST

Random Crap (Update at Top and Replies)

  Update:  Well, this blog has become a smashing success in badness.  People have come from all walks of life to criticize it.  Regular readers have panned it.  New rea...
Posted by Slow Joe (Old Profile, Please Add The New One) on Fri, 16 Nov 2007 02:43:00 PST