Hooters Sucks |
There was a time when I got really excited when I got to go to a Hooters Restaurant. I remember wanting to catch any glimpse of cleavage and the waitresses there always had it in abundance. And thos...
Posted by Ari Shaffir on Thu, 20 Mar 2008 03:33:00 PST |
Never trust your friends with anything |
They're all idiots. Here's the deal. When some random stranger lets you down it's not the biggest deal in the world. When a friend disappoints you, it's way worse. Here's why.Everybody sucks to a ...
Posted by Ari Shaffir on Tue, 05 Feb 2008 04:49:00 PST |
Im going to write a blog. |
I feel like writing one, but I can't think of anything to write about. So please help me come up with a topic. Obviously anything I write about will be filthy and probably a bit cynical. There's li...
Posted by Ari Shaffir on Tue, 09 Oct 2007 05:36:00 PST |
Insomnia does not apply to me |
I have a theory that insomnia doesn't apply to me because I never have to wake up for anything. I sleep when I'm tired and I wake up when I'm done being tired. On Friday of last week, I woke up at 7...
Posted by Ari Shaffir on Sun, 02 Sep 2007 10:54:00 PST |
My Big Dump (a picture diary) |
A lot of people have been asking me to explain the process of making a doodie. So I've decided to show you step by step how it's done. I held it in for 5 days so that I could make sure to get good v...
Posted by Ari Shaffir on Tue, 05 Jun 2007 01:24:00 PST |
Dude, fuck you. I like that new Avril Lavigne song. |
HEY, HEY, YOU, YOU, I DON'T LIKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND! NO WAY, NO WAY, I THINK YOU NEED A NEW ONE! HEY, HEY, YOU, YOU, I COULD BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND! HEY, HEY, YOU, YOU, I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE ME! NO WAY, N...
Posted by Ari Shaffir on Tue, 15 May 2007 05:26:00 PST |
Comics, tell me with your Carlos Mencia stories of theft |
If you have any stories about how Carlos Mencia stole a joke, please send them to me. Send me a message with the subject, "Carlos Stole" or something like that. Tel me the story, and tell me if you ...
Posted by Ari Shaffir on Mon, 19 Feb 2007 07:38:00 PST |
Spousal Abuse in My Apartment Building |
Every once in a while you learn something about yourself. I just heard what sounded like my downstairs neighbors having an escalating argument that began getting violent. When I was younger I always...
Posted by Ari Shaffir on Fri, 09 Feb 2007 03:59:00 PST |
Help me understand my dislike for Italians |
I know I don't like them. But why? There are a few that are ok, but the really overly Italian ones make me want to stab someone with a cannoli.What is it about a Brooklyn style man that gets me so w...
Posted by Ari Shaffir on Tue, 05 Dec 2006 07:23:00 PST |
The Greatest Place in Florida |
If you're ever in Palm Beach, Florida, do yourself a favor and make a stop at Cheetah. It's by far the worst strip club I've ever patronized. Forget about the fact that it's tiny and cramped because...
Posted by Ari Shaffir on Mon, 31 Jul 2006 02:24:00 PST |
