Jarrett profile picture

Jarrett

omg jg

About Me

Time to start taking this a little more seriously! Uhhhhmmmmm, well, my name is Jarrett; I really, really, really, really don't like bad music; I live in Hollywood (born here, too!); I am, theoretically, a comedian and writer; and, if I had to pick my favorite thing in life, it would definitely have to be sitting somewhere quiet and reading.

Now you know it all!

My Interests

barking, chewing furniture, eating trash, afraid of the mailman and flashlights

I'd like to meet:

Why come if you leave any other section of your profile blank, like "Movies" or "Books," it simply doesn't show up on your page, but if I leave this section blank, "Who I'd like to meet" still shows up with absolutely nothing underneath it? I mean, it's technically accurate, but still.
Update: The requests from profiles that are not of actual human beings (like stand-up shows, record labels, pets, and strippers) are getting out of hand. If you're a "thing," I might have to say no. If we met at a cocktail party and I seemed uncomfortable, add away!

Music:

You know how someone will seem like an ostensibly decent or even good person in their day to day life, and then you check their MySpace profile and they like the Mars Volta or Metallica or Coldplay? A really great thing about me is that you don't have to worry about that. I'll spare you a long list, but knowing that my favorite bands are Oasis, the Smiths and the Strokes should really tell you all you need to know.

I know that this profile seems to saying "Please judge me solely based on what kind of music I like," but the reason my Top 4 is just some bands and Tom is that I don't want to deal with the wounded egos of the comics who comprise the majority of my social circle.

Heroes:

I just put this big-ass picture of Fabolous here but it made my page too big. Anyway, you're my hero, F-A-B-O.

My Blog

I Repeat: All YouTube Commenters Are Insufferable Morons

From311ToEternity (1 month ago)Sicktastic riffitude right here. Brings back memories of my favorite Phish concert - my 484th. It was bittersweet: sweet, because Phish are like totally sweet,...
Posted by Jarrett on Sun, 09 Sep 2007 12:47:00 PST

Choose Your Own Failed Hollywood Career Trajectory

I'm just like you. I used to dream of growing up to be (rich / famous / 5' 8" / on Dallas). And let me tell you, I was sure I was going to make it. My teachers would tell me: "You've got (talent / cha...
Posted by Jarrett on Mon, 17 Jul 2006 11:23:00 PST

Suspected Terrorist Prisoner Testimonials

Red Cross officials are often given access to criminal detainees to insure compliance with standards set by international treaties. For five years, the Red Cross was denied access to suspected terror...
Posted by Jarrett on Sun, 12 Aug 2007 02:38:00 PST

Determining Gapless Playback Information

What the fuck does this even mean??!! "Wasting Computer User's Afternoon"? Stop it. I can wait 1/8th of a second for the next song to come on. If I wanted to listen to Dark Side of the Moon uninterru...
Posted by Jarrett on Sun, 05 Aug 2007 10:48:00 PST

All YouTube Commenters Are Insufferable Morons

AndColmes (3 days ago)People, please don't defame Islam by treating it like a psychotic death cult simply because you've watched a video like this or actually read the Koran. Yes, honor kill...
Posted by Jarrett on Sat, 30 Jun 2007 10:01:00 PST

Funny as a screen door on a submarine

I was recently at the library not looking at books when I came across a DVD entitled Louder Than Bombs, which had, according to the box, won at Slamdance. Wow, Slamdance, I thought to myself, the in-y...
Posted by Jarrett on Sat, 07 Apr 2007 05:43:00 PST

Just pick up the goddamn phone

I don't feel like spending twenty minutes typing out an answer to texts like these:where do u want 2 be in 10 yrs?are u at the bar yet? compare it 2 another bar.ratify consti2tion: process?y r u pres...
Posted by Jarrett on Sun, 04 Mar 2007 06:38:00 PST

"From Pieces to Weight" Excerpts I Doubt 50 Cent Actually Wrote

I just finished reading 50 Cent's memoir, From Pieces to Weight, which recounts his life as a crack dealer and upstart rapper. The ghostwriter makes a valiant effort to replicate 50's voice throughou...
Posted by Jarrett on Tue, 02 Jan 2007 03:32:00 PST

MTV Focus Group Comment Cards

First name: Corey Age: 15How were you approached to be a member of this focus group? I wrote a letter to MTV asking Bam Margera to recommend some products I could buy. Two days later you guys sent a...
Posted by Jarrett on Sat, 16 Dec 2006 06:14:00 PST

I would like to talk to you about Barack Obama

I'll admit, I'm not the most politically aware person. I can't name even one of my state's Senators, let alone all three. Until last month, I thought the European Union was a soccer team. The last ti...
Posted by Jarrett on Sun, 05 Nov 2006 08:32:00 PST