Tommy OD profile picture

Tommy OD

The Patron Saint of Bad Decisions

About Me

Tommy OD live 3/25/08 GETCHA POPCORN READY!!!! BANNED FROM UNCLE VINNIE'S! THE PERFECT STORMI had already accomplished so much in such a small time in my life. I retired from the porn business at the age of 13 when my uncle's basement was raided by the police. From there I lived another dream when I became an international drug mule for the Columbians, but severe anal leakage and an allergy to latex made me yet again change course. I studied quantam physics and criminal law for a while. I was accepted to Yale Univeristy, but turned it down to pursue my dream of being a male stripper. I became an overnight sensation, working the pole and lapdancing my way around the country. I was a star on the rise, my stage name was "Tommy the Salami Tsunami," I was voted Mr. Applebottoms 2005, the main attraction at Strippapalooza, and most of all I was following in my Grandmas footsteps. She was a stripper as well as her mother and her mother too. My great grandmother invented the Cleveland Steamer and the Booty Clap back in 1897. That dream was taken away from me in an instant. I was doing a donkey show down in Tiajuana. Everything was going great until the donkey's penis got caught under my roller skate and I fell off the stage. My knee was never the same and I was forced to hang up my assless chaps. For a while after that I had no goals, ambitions, self esteem, money, or dreams left. I felt like a one legged man at a cock sucking contest for quite a while, but I got over it. If I'm not out in the Hamptons poppin bottles with Diddy these days I'm most likely making it rain, doing work out in the streets, turning tricks, and running all types of shennanigans. I've become an entrepenuer and started up meth labs throughout the nation and set up a scholarship fund to help todays youth get ahead in life. In my spare time I read books to deaf kids and even teach blind children how to drive. I've written many self help books including "Home Abortions for Dummies" and "A Finger in the Ass is Worth Two in the Bush" I've started a company where we sell pubic hair extensions, a gum for homosexuals to stop sucking penis called Dickorette, an anal suppository called Herbal Gerbil, a doll for children called Sally Spitsalot, and so many more products. I have a romantic side as well now. I love pregnant amputees, who like long walks (if they can walk) through the projects, and ass to mouth against a nearby dumpster. I like to write poetry, andI love drinking 40's when I'm in the hood and my favorite foods are pizza and pussy. If you need to know anything else just holla at a playa! Eli "The Rainmaker" Manning....SuperBowl XLII MVP!!!!! JEREMY SHOCKEY LOVES BONG HITS!!! This is my fiancee Natasha. She is one of those all American, girl next door, classy broads. She's gonna make a great mother! I was adopted at the age of 5 by three homosexual men who became my three dads whom I love very much! Here they are just clowning around, aren't they precious? My brother at the Manchester United Football matchGETCHA POPCORN READY! MY FAVORITE ROOKIE CARD
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My Interests

Drinking 40's, smoking weed, all other types of ill shit, Alcohol and the human response, cleaning my guns, sniffing bicycle seats at the playground,donkey shows, makin it rain, turd sculpting, and nuclear physics

I'd like to meet:

I'D like to meet anyone who will listen to my bullshit. DO WORK SON!!! President George W. Bush My Uncle Bruce, he went to jail for murder and aggravated sexual assault on a minor later that day. They said after he raped his victim, he ate him! I still believe he's innocent because he never ate me, at least not technically THIS MAN SUFFERS FROM IDS (INFANT DICK SYNDROME)"LOOK OUT BOYS...SHE'S PREGNANT!"BAD DUDES Big ups to the Vickster! You are missed @ 905 guess which one of these dudes i banged that night..... Lake Homo Shennanigans Anthony does the triple lindy like no other JUST ME AND MY BITCHES!!!

Music:

Anything that makes me shake my tubesteak!

Movies:

2 Girls 1 Cup, Ernest Goes To Rehab, Glitter 2, The Notebook, Anything with cocks in it

Television:

Sportscenter, Rob n Big, History Channel, truTV, Comedy Central, LOGO, Lifetime

Books:

"The Bible 2- Guess who's back bitch!" the unrated shit they couldn't show you in the first book

Heroes:

Eli "the rain maker" Manning, Conan O'Brien, Meatloaf, Donkeylips from Salute Your Shorts, K-Fed,Screech, Malcolm X, Dave Attel, Jesus(big ups), DONKEYLIPS

My Blog

NICO-FINA The new nicotene water!

As you know, I am the king of boiler room, get rich quick, money making ideas and schemes, all of which seem to fail miserably. I think this time I have come up with something that can't miss. I am de...
Posted by Tommy OD on Fri, 30 May 2008 11:20:00 PST

GLORY HOLES! A look at the glory days!

Once upon a time, not so long ago, there was a time in this country where things were simple. It was a time of innocence, when a man could just drive to his local rest area, stick his dick through a h...
Posted by Tommy OD on Sun, 18 May 2008 08:06:00 PST

MY NEW BOOK! dropping on 12/24/08!

I really like a woman who plays hard to get, the police call it rape, but that's just there opinion. I mean after all, it's not rape if you're wearing a condom! I'm going to stop being serious for a m...
Posted by Tommy OD on Wed, 07 May 2008 08:06:00 PST

TOMMY OD performing LIVE @ Carolines Comedy Club NYC 5/14/08

I have been given the opportunity to perform @ a Comedy All Star Showcase @ Carolines Comedy Club on Broadway Wednesday Nite 5/14, (that's May 14th if you didn't know) @ 6:30p.m. The show will feature...
Posted by Tommy OD on Tue, 06 May 2008 10:00:00 PST

George W. Bush, 1 MORE TERM!!! OD

After 7 and a half long years, a sinking economy, outrageous gas prices, a war on drugs, a war on terror, a war on Iraq, and a war on pretty much everything else, it's gonna be kind of sad to see him ...
Posted by Tommy OD on Fri, 02 May 2008 08:54:00 PST

Politically Correct???

I was discussing with someone the other day about how I'm a gentleman one minute, and an asshole the next. When I see a woman walking out of the store, holding her newborn baby in her arms, something ...
Posted by Tommy OD on Thu, 01 May 2008 10:38:00 PST

New idea to save the planet by Tommy OD

The world is coming to an end between global warming, the oil crisis, glaciers melting, and of course landfill. That's right folks, we are simply running out of places to throw away our shit! We've tr...
Posted by Tommy OD on Sat, 19 Apr 2008 05:06:00 PST

KNUCKLE CRAB SEASON! SHAVE YOUR FINGERS!

As some of you may know there is a terrible outbreak of knuckle crabs on the loose. Sure wearing a condom and shaving your pubic hair on a regular basis may solve some of the risk, but what about the ...
Posted by Tommy OD on Fri, 18 Apr 2008 08:44:00 PST

Edible Underwear

I was at the counter of the store the other day, picking up a pair of low carb edible underwear, when it was brought to my attention you couldn’t purchase them with food stamps. The clerk and I ...
Posted by Tommy OD on Tue, 01 Apr 2008 11:16:00 PST

April Fools Day Safety Tips

Ahh yes everybody, April Fools Day is upon us once again and I’m here to remind everyone to be safe today. There are probably a lot of practical jokers amongst you, and your already set for toda...
Posted by Tommy OD on Tue, 01 Apr 2008 10:50:00 PST