Domestic Violence Is A Crime

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Domestic Violence or Spouse Abuse, physically or emotionally harmful acts between husbands and wives or between other individuals in intimate relationships. Domestic violence is sometimes referred to as intimate violence. It includes violence that occurs in dating and courtship relationships, between former spouses, and between gay and lesbian partners.*
Abuse between intimate partners can take many forms. It may include emotional or verbal abuse, denial of access to resources or money, restraint of normal activities or freedom (including isolation from friends and family), sexual coercion or assault, threats to kill or to harm, and physical intimidation or attacks. In extreme cases, domestic violence may result in the death of a partner.*
One thing that is often ignored or denied is that although the majority of domestic abuse is men abusing women, women abuse men as well. Most men don't come forward due to pride or shame and so statistics are not as accurate as they should be.
The three most common forms of abuse are: Verbal, Emotional and Mental. These are common, mainly because most don’t realize it’s abuse and therefore, allow the abuse to continue.
Verbal abuse continues on, most unaware that they are being abused or are being abusive. Name calling, insulting statements, put downs, and foul language are some forms of verbal abuse. If you take anything from this page, know that verbal abuse is WRONG and is not okay.
Emotional abuse destroys self-esteem. Such abuse includes repeated verbal abuse in the form of shouting, threats, and degrading or humiliating criticism. There could also be confinement, such as social isolation, denying friends and work options.
Physical abuse includes deliberate acts of violence that injure or even kill. Unexplained bruises, broken bones, or burn marks may be signs of physical abuse.
Sexual abuse occurs when one uses another, unwillingly, for sexual gratification or exposes them to unwelcome sexual activities. It may begin with kissing or fondling and progress to more intrusive sexual acts.
“He tied me up with my mom’s dress belts and shoelaces. He had a pair of handcuffs, which he used to cuff my hands behind my back. I was tied head to foot in my room in our apartment. I don’t remember what he used to gag me but he tied it to my feet, leaving me on my stomach twisted into a demented letter ‘u’ before the abuse began. He kicked me and hit me as I cried out against the gag, not knowing what I had done to send him into a rage. When he was through, he untied the gag and the he lifted his foot over my head and I just knew that he was going to stomp down on me and kill me. I knew it was over. I shut my eyes and waited. He stepped over me and left me alone, still bound as I was with the exception of the gag tied to my ankles. I sat there crying, trying to go over my life to see what I had done to deserve it, what I had done to piss him off. I had walked my friend home earlier. She lived in the same apartment complex. I came home to his rage. That was it, right? It had to be. I managed to calm down a little bit, to stop weeping uncontrollably, to let my mind wander and to envision the stories always in my head. “Can’t you sit up?” he asked me coldly from the doorway. “Yes,” I replied hurriedly as I struggled to a sitting position, my hands and legs still bound, and leaned up against my bed. He left me again. I sat there and drifted. ‘I wasn’t really here unless I wanted to be here’, I thought to myself. Eventually, he untied me, with the express warning to not tell anyone or he would do it again. Fear sealed my lips shut and I told not one single soul, not even my friends. A month passed, maybe more, with nothing happening. Life continued on as usual and I was content to forget, content to move on. Then, he came home as I sat in the living room doing my homework. “Go to your room,” he said. I knew what was coming. That was what he had said to me that first day, the day I was content to forget, the day I never spoke of. He entered with the belts and shoelaces in hand, no handcuffs this time. I began to tremble but I lay down like he told me to, my hands behind my back as he tied me up again. I lay there, thinking to myself, ‘I didn’t tell! I didn’t say a word! Why is this happening to me again?’ He finished tying me and left me there, on my belly. He didn’t beat me. I lay there, wondering what was happening this time. “Can’t you sit up?” he asked me an hour or so later. “I think so,” I said cautiously as I struggled to sit up against my bed once more. My brain wandered again, leaving my body alone, tied up, and leaning against my princess bed. When he came in to untie me, it was after five. It was just after three when he had come home. The shoelace on my wrist wouldn’t come off; he’d knotted it too tightly. Using a knife, he sliced it free and told me, “Don’t tell anyone or I’ll do it again.” I nodded my agreement as I looked at the angry red line circling my wrist from the shoelace. I began to rub it as he instructed me to go downstairs and help him peel chili. I peeled chili, said nothing to my mom when she got home, and went to bed as though everything was right in the world. The next day at school, when it was near the end of the day, I claimed a stomach ache and went to the nurse. After she had called him and told him to come for me, the minute she’d hung up the phone, I shouted, “I can’t go home with him! He’ll beat me! I’m not allowed to go to the nurse! He’ll beat me!” She looked at me, called him back and told him not to come, that it was more serious than she’d believed, that my mom would come for me. I sat in her office while social services was called. I colored pilgrims for Thanksgiving and looked at a picture I had of my dad in my marker box. He was having his hair cut. He was my friend while I sat there, no longer afraid, no longer worried. I wasn’t going to be beaten by Mom’s boyfriend again. I wasn’t going to be silent any longer.”
“No one believes me.”
“No one cares.”
“He loves me.”
“I deserved it.”
According to a study published in 1998 by the U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ), women in the United States experienced about 840,000 nonlethal incidents of violence committed by an intimate partner in 1996. These incidents consisted of physical assault, robbery (theft that is accomplished by a threat of violence or actual violence), and rape or other sexual assault. The DOJ report indicated that intimate violence occurs almost equally among women of all races and is slightly more likely to occur among women with low incomes. The report showed that the most common victims of intimate violence are younger women, between the ages of 16 and 24.*
Experts widely disagree over the extent of male victimization. According to the Department of Justice, men in the United States were victims in about 150,000 incidents of intimate violence in 1996. The department’s data indicate that women are about six times as likely as men to experience victimization by an intimate partner. However, in a privately funded survey conducted in 1993, American men and women reported experiencing similar rates of intimate violence.*
In some cases, domestic violence results in homicide. According to the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), more than 500 men were killed by their wives and girlfriends in 1996, representing about 5 percent of all male homicide victims in the United States. That same year more than 1300 women in the United States were killed by their husbands or boyfriends—approximately 30 percent of all female homicide victims. Murder by intimates accounts for about 9 percent of all homicides in the United States each year.*
Victims of domestic violence experience both short-term and long-lasting effects. Physical injuries can range from bruises, cuts, and burns to broken bones, stab wounds, miscarriages (in women), and death. Also, victims experience depression and other psychological distress, eating disorders, and alcohol and substance abuse problems, and they are more likely than other people to contemplate or attempt suicide. Children who witness domestic violence experience depression and psychological distress and are more likely than other children to be physically violent.*
Spouse abuse often involves repeated episodes of violence. In the past people sometimes blamed victims for failing to leave abusive relationships. However, considerable research indicates that most victims are not passive in response to abuse. Victims call the police, they go to social workers or mental health agencies, they flee to the homes of friends or parents, and they fight back physically. However, studies find that many factors—economic, interpersonal, cultural, and social—prevent victims from leaving violent relationships. Victims who seek help from community services often find that agencies are overwhelmed and limited in their resources. People who are dependent on their partners emotionally and economically learn to endure abuse and remain in unhealthy relationships, a process that has been labeled “learned hopefulness.” Learned hopefulness refers to an abuse victim’s belief that the abusive partner will change his or her behavior or personality.*
Most experts agree that economic and cultural factors play an especially powerful role in contributing to and perpetuating repeated abuse of women. Because women, as a group, tend to have less power in society, they are more likely to be victims and are less able to end abuse once it begins. Traditional beliefs, customs, and laws restrict the roles women may play and limit their economic opportunities, contributing to their dependence on men. Some scholars assert that the process of socialization teaches boys and girls a belief system that devalues women—especially unmarried women—and creates a sense of female responsibility for the maintenance of the family. Women who believe that the end of a relationship or of a marriage represents a personal failure are less likely to leave abusive relationships.*
The laws of all 50 U.S. states provide that domestic violence is a crime. These laws have made it easier for victims to obtain protective or restraining court orders that prohibit offenders from having contact with them. Also, laws in most states allow police officers to arrest people suspected of committing domestic violence without the victim filing charges.*
*RESEARCH INFORMATION/STATISTICS PROVIDED BY MSN Encarta Encyclopedia