Johnny Millwater profile picture

Johnny Millwater

Fight The Seduction of a Typical Life!

About Me

Here is what you need to know about Johnny Millwater:

1. Entertaining is my life, therefore my life is entertaining. QED

2. I am a stand-up comedian, fire-eater, close-up magician, escape artist, and all around One Man Freakshow. Check out my website www.screwtheamish.com for more information, pictures and my performance schedule.

3. I am constantly touring comedy clubs all across America, electrifying audiences from Maine to Montana. My favorite part of all that travel is meeting new people, so if you are visiting here after a show; Welcome, Millwatcher! Drop me a comment, and include when and where our paths crossed. If you come see one of my shows live, and you know me from Myspace, make damn sure you come by after the show to talk to me!

4. I am not only a performer of comedy, I am also the biggest fan of stand-up you are ever likely to meet. I have spent my entire life studying every aspect of stand-up comedy, and I have an absurdly large collection of comedy albums. I love to trade rare and hard to find comedy recordings of the greats (videos, & mp3s), so if you have something historically significant, rare, or just really funny, drop me a line!

5 I am madly in love with my wife, Debbie. Starting February of 2008 we will be hiking the entire Appalachian Trail together.

6. I am new to Myspace, so I'm hard at work putting together a more interesting page and learning the rules. I refuse to post a message that simply says "Thanks for the add" because it is uninteresting to the point of being offensive, but other than that I am trying to adhere to the protocol of the myspace microcosm.

7. Behind my flashy facade I am a giant nerd. My interests include graphic art, television production, science fiction, comic books, british sitcoms, professional wrestling, theoretical physics, psychology, classical music, cinema, animation, American history, women, and the English language. I've never played dungeons & dragons, but that is because I've never been cool enough to get invited. If you are a cosmopolitan sophisticate with culture and refined tastes, you probably wouldn't want to hang out with me. If you are smart, eccentric and open minded, then we'll get along just find.

8. I love hippies, freaks, bikers, performers of ANY kind, Canadians and neurotics. If you are one of these, let me know!

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My Interests

TRAVEL!, Every Kind of Comedy, Nature Photography, Movies, Psychology, Physics, Philosophy, Women, Marketing, Graphic Design, American History, Piano, Close up Magic, Professional Wrestling, Comic Books, MENSA, any activity with its own subculture, and I have a PHD in THC!

I'd like to meet:

Specifically: My People: The Millwatchers, Steve Martin, George Carlin, Bill Cosby, Dave Attell, Brian Regan, David Cross, Dane Cook, Louis C.K., Todd Barry, Auggie Smith, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, David Letterman, Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien, Tina Fey, Jennifer Connelly, Jon Lovitz, William Goldman, Amy Poehler. Historically: Harry Houdini, Charles Kuralt, Edward R. Murrow, Johnny Carson, Sun Tsu, Alexander the Great. In general: other MENSAns, Well spoken and savvy wrestling fans, Anyone in America with an interesting story to tell, Anyone in America who enjoys the company of a kind bud, Any woman (under 39) showing cleavage in pretty much any context, Freaky People, Fireeaters, Magicians, Anyone who LOVES comedy!

Music:

Ben Folds, Barenaked Ladies, Beastie Boys, The Beatles, Eminem, Billy Joel, Elvis Presley, Tori Amos, Rage Against The Machine, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Ludwig Van Beethoven, Franz Schubert, Black Eyed Peas, CCR, Greyboy Allstars, Phish, Garlic Mashed Potatoes, The Doors, Bob Marley, Bloodhound Gang, Buddy Holly, Peter, Paul & Mary, The Weavers, The Kingston Trio, William Shatner, That's right... I said William Shatner; who wants a piece of me?!

Movies:

The Princess Bride, Fight Club, Braveheart, Star Wars (first three), Star Trek (the Good ones)

Television:

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA (the new series), The Daily Show, The Late Show with David Letterman, Late Night With Conan O'brien, The Office (BBC), The Sopranos, Lost, Red Dwarf, Black Adder (I-IV), Mr. Bean, Benny Hill, The Colbert Report, South Park, The Simpsons, King of the Hill, Family Guy, Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law, Robot Chicken, The Venture Brothers, SeaLab 2021, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Extras, Penn & Teller: Bullshit!, Ego Trip!, Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist, Anything with Brak, The A-Team (seasons 2-4), WWE RAW, Saturday Night Live, My Name is Earl, The Muppet Show, Dinner for Five, Mr. Show with Bob & David, Arrested Development

Books:

Flowers for Algernon, Lord of the Flies, Animal Farm, Charles Kurault's America, Everything by Stephen King, All the trendy Dan Brown books, Anything by David Sedaris, Anything by Carl Hiassen, Everything by Steve Martin (even Cruel Shoes has it's moments), Biographies, How-to books, Anything about psychology, Maxim (for the articles), Playboy (not so much for the articles), and most recently... Marvel Comic Books.

Heroes:

Steve Martin, Tyler Durden, Teller, Penn Jillette, George Carlin, Brian Regan, Bill Cosby, Dave Attell, Louis CK, Tina Fey, The late Mitch Hedberg, The late Chris Farley, Kim Harrison, Greg Holbrook, My wife Debbie

My Blog

Butch Hockersmith- Real American!

Saw this guy at the Asheville Comedy Festival. Check him out!...
Posted by Johnny Millwater on Thu, 24 Jul 2008 01:40:00 PST

500 Miles Down

Hello, Millwatchers!! I miss you all very much. Debbie and I have successfully travelled 500 miles to Marion, VA. We are healthy and in great spirits. We recently visited Damascus, VA to enjoy the 22n...
Posted by Johnny Millwater on Sun, 25 May 2008 09:20:00 PST

Week 3 Slideshow

http://s78.photobucket.com/albums/j81/Showofdeath/Laughter%2 0on%20the%20trail%20-%20week%203-4/?albumview=slideshow Miss You!...
Posted by Johnny Millwater on Mon, 17 Mar 2008 01:37:00 PST

Week 2 Slideshow

Paste this into your browser. Miss You! http://s78.photobucket.com/albums/j81/Showofdeath/Laughter%2 0on%20the%20Trail%20Week%202%20-%203/?albumview=slideshow&am p;direction=reverse...
Posted by Johnny Millwater on Sat, 15 Mar 2008 12:22:00 PST

Week One slideshow

Paste this into your browser. http://s78.photobucket.com/albums/j81/Showofdeath/Laughter%2 0on%20the%20trail%20-%20Week%201/?albumview=slideshow&am p;direction=reverse&direction=reverse If you h...
Posted by Johnny Millwater on Sat, 15 Mar 2008 12:19:00 PST

HIking the Appalachian Trail

                                    &n...
Posted by Johnny Millwater on Sat, 15 Mar 2008 11:42:00 PST

An incredibly tough decision

My wife and I have decided to take a vacation.We have blocked out December 10-19 for our trip.We can go anywhere we want in the world.We have no kids, no jobs, no pets.We are young, healthy and in lov...
Posted by Johnny Millwater on Thu, 01 Nov 2007 02:20:00 PST

The Queen City

Hello, Millwatchers!!  Long time, no blog.  I've been crazy busy the past few months, and I just haven't had time to myspace as much as I'd like.I've been busier than ever since moving to Ch...
Posted by Johnny Millwater on Thu, 01 Nov 2007 01:05:00 PST

New Toy

Get your own at Gizmoz.comPush Play...
Posted by Johnny Millwater on Sat, 14 Jul 2007 09:20:00 PST

The Punchline... at last!

Hello, Millwatchers! Just a quick note to wish you a happy  2007, and deliver some good news. I'll be performing my one man freakshow, in its entirety, at the Punchline comedy club in Atlanta, GA...
Posted by Johnny Millwater on Tue, 02 Jan 2007 03:00:00 PST