Doug Mellard - ProfilesArchive

About Me

interesting facts people don’t know about me: i tried out with several nba teams including the mavs, the bucks, the raptors, the celtics, and the mavs again--and i realized i was just too damn tiny to be in the nba--plus, i’m not even that good.also, i went out for the nfl and despite running a 22.4 40--i was passed on by everyone. i ate an omelette once and it was delicious. i like the color green as well as many other colors. i own a toaster--it’s pretty sweet.

My Interests

jokes, writing, messing with people's heads, good music, having fun,guacamole, looking for gold,rocking out, doing the safety dance

I'd like to meet:

magnum p.i., ultimate peanut butter cups

Music:

stooges, beastie boys, a tribe called quest, black star, jurassic 5, de la soul, automator, supersuckers, flaming lips, dean martin, willie nelson, young heart attack, krum bums, dj rhythmic, johnny cash, lyrics born, murder city devils, otis redding, scott h. biram, t. rex

Movies:

ones where the good guys win and someone cuts the green wire. and also whenever a cop is like really close to retirement but still gets the job done.

Television:

badass ones with surfing and swordfighting.

Books:

the ones that end in a long kiss and then somebody dies and then it makes you cry a bunch in your tub til the candles burn out.

Heroes:

my family,andy kaufman,a bunch of comedians,magnum p.i.

My Blog

ringo starr

i did a show not too long ago where i overheard someone prior to the show say, "i am excited! i haven't been to a concert since ringo starr!" a lot of things wrong with that statement. i got on stage ...
Posted by Doug Mellard on Sat, 03 May 2008 10:09:00 PST

black keys

buy the new album now freakin amazing
Posted by Doug Mellard on Sat, 03 May 2008 10:04:00 PST

sliced bread

i would hate to be in the same pantry as sliced bread. i would imagine it has quite an ego and constantly yells, "yeah! walk away, bitch--you ain't the best thing since me, motha fucka!"
Posted by Doug Mellard on Sat, 03 May 2008 10:03:00 PST

neck

if you get bit in the neck in the middle of the day, i would be REALLY afraid because it's probably the work of an invincible vampire.
Posted by Doug Mellard on Sat, 03 May 2008 10:01:00 PST

running into jack white

backstory: 1 for some reason, my brother and i thought jack white has a temper 2 jack white played elvis in "walk hard" last night, after watching reggie watts (holy shit! amazing), jack white came in...
Posted by Doug Mellard on Sat, 03 May 2008 10:00:00 PST

follow the leader

i always hated playing "follow the leader" when i was a kid...especially when the dumb kid in the class got his chance to lead. i probably would have started crying if the teacher back then had told m...
Posted by Doug Mellard on Thu, 01 May 2008 02:27:00 PST

blind

i would be a terrible blind person because i would constantly trip people with my walking cane because that's the one instance when you can trip somebody and make THEM feel guilty about it.
Posted by Doug Mellard on Thu, 01 May 2008 02:24:00 PST

lazy

i have become so lazy that i caught myself furious that i had to get my keys out of my pocket this afternoon. such a hassle!
Posted by Doug Mellard on Thu, 01 May 2008 02:22:00 PST

Doug

My father named me, "Doug" because he had never met a "Doug" he didn't like...until I cam along.
Posted by Doug Mellard on Thu, 01 May 2008 02:22:00 PST

king for a day

if i were king for a day, i don't think it'd mean much. i think i wouldn't get anything out of it because everybody would be like, "king, huh? this america, punk!" and then, they'd throw bags of disca...
Posted by Doug Mellard on Thu, 01 May 2008 02:15:00 PST