Martha profile picture

Martha

My niece occasionally mistakes me for a Craftmatic adjustable

About Me

I am a stand-up comic and writer. I've also teamed up with Tig Notaro to form a New Kids on the Block-style manufactured group called the Crackpot Comedy Tour. We tour via people's living rooms and backyards.Fellow tour mates have included Steve Agee from the "Sarah Silverman Program," Kjell Bjorgen, Ruby Wendell, and ghost member Tom Sharpe.Our first two tours were smashing successes according to our myspace blog. This summer we're fixin' to hit the East Coast with some very special guests and a real film crew. If you forget to close the gate you may find our comedy concert in your backyard. Please put some snacks out just in case.

My Interests

receiving attention

I'd like to meet:

Everybody I already know, and then some.

Music:

N'Sync, Backstreet Boys, Rascal Flatts, Disco, Dolly Parton, Hayseed Dixie, Fall Out Boy, Bob Marley, Cat Stevens, Henry Phillips, Tim Wilson, Hard n Phirm, Fat FX, Coldplay, Dixie Chicks, The Strokes, Queen, Johnny Cash, almost all country and bluegrass artists except for the shitty ones, Fleetwood Mac, Kelly Clarkson, Elvis, Everybody

Movies:

Tootsie, Ishtar, The King of Comedy, Grease, Mac and Me, The Exorcist III, The Warriors, many more.

Television:

Bare Minerals infomercial, Sheer Cover infomercial, Magic Bullet infomercial, Hair-dini infomercial.

Heroes:

People who have the balls to tell me how terrific I am.

My Blog

Hot red potato

Dear Blog, I took Buddy to the vet on Monday because he has skin allergies.  In the middle of examining him the (very nice female) doctor called Buddy a "hot red potato." ...
Posted by Martha on Sat, 28 Jun 2008 05:23:00 PST

I Love Denise Richards

Dear Blog, I watched part of Denise Richards' reality show last night and I think she might have turned me into a lesbo.  I don't really want to have physical relations with her but I would like ...
Posted by Martha on Thu, 12 Jun 2008 06:04:00 PST

Return of the Jedi a.k.a. Where Did this Terrible Music Come from?

Dear Blog, A)  Last night I celebrated Memorial Day by watching the hit musical "Return of the Jedi."  Not since my 17 month old niece sang the pterodactyl version of "Lullabye and Goodnight...
Posted by Martha on Tue, 27 May 2008 11:28:00 PST

Devastating turn of events

Dear Blog, I've been putting off writing because I don't know how to break the following news without starting a massive bum-out.  Here it comes and I'm just going to blurt it out because I ...
Posted by Martha on Sun, 13 Jan 2008 12:51:00 PST

Start ’08 with a bang

Kickin' it off right:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yc1D7XXFRJg.  
Posted by Martha on Wed, 02 Jan 2008 01:59:00 PST

New Years Megalutions

Dear Blog,   Well they said it couldn't be done, but the earth has made a complete revolution around the sun yet again.  This kind of astronomical miracle calls for a celebration of the kin...
Posted by Martha on Wed, 02 Jan 2008 10:20:00 PST

Boring political opinion

Dear Blog, It's 2:08 am on Friday morning.  I only have two more pages of copywriting to go.  Fading quickly, so of course I took some time out to read an article about the assassination in ...
Posted by Martha on Fri, 28 Dec 2007 02:34:00 PST

Hark to the World, the Angels Ring

Announcement:   I am a-goddamned-llergic to the mother f-ing wind.  Thanks for bringing your A-game yet again, Kelly DNA.  You really know how to tear it up.   Fine, you got me:...
Posted by Martha on Thu, 27 Dec 2007 10:48:00 PST

Last minute save

Well, 2007 does it again.  You want to talk about a rollercoaster--I was in a 9th-inning slump when I wrote that blog earlier and now I'm as high as a kite.  Not literally, or even figurativ...
Posted by Martha on Mon, 24 Dec 2007 07:37:00 PST

Farewell to a terrible year

Dear blog,   As 2007 winds to an end and I find myself spending hours in the company of vintage Charles Manson videos, I says to myself I says "this has been one bullshit kind of year."  No...
Posted by Martha on Sun, 23 Dec 2007 03:19:00 PST