Surviving rape,
rape literature,
mental health,
psychology,
counselling,
books,
massage,
reflexology,
art,
healing,
peace,
raising awareness,
dancing like a wally,
men who look like homeless people,
photography,
buildings - i'm a weirdo, i love looking at buildings and drawing them/taking pictures,
bubble wrap,
sleeping in mens t-shirts,
wrecking phones,
colouring books!,
swings,
bubbles,
daisy chains,
girly road trips,
hello kitty,
films,
music,
eskimo kisses,
hugs,
collecting stuff,
cleaning,
happiness!,
Manchester,
frogs...i collect froggy things,
bags,
Shopping,
glitter,
lip balm,
geeks,
knitting (i'm turning into my nan),
travelling.
Some statistics
and facts
+ 1 in 4 women have experienced rape or attempted rape.
+ 1 in 7 women have been coerced into sex, rising to 1 in 3 among divorced and separated women.
+ The most common perpetrators of rape are husbands and partners.
+ 97% of callers to Rape Crisis Lines knew their assailant prior to the assault.
+ The majority of perpetrators are known to the victim.
+ During 2001 it is estimated 190,000 incidents of serious sexual assault and 47,000 female victims of rape/attempted rape.
One out of three
girls will be
sexually assaulted by
the age of 18...
These are our
mums, daughters, wives,
sisters, girlfriends,
best friends,
the girl who serves
you in the shop
every week,
our neighbours,
PEOPLE WE
KNOW.
It's time that
MORE people
were made aware of
what's going on.
You!
Fellow survivors,
anybody and everybody : ]
**** Click here to see Regional rape conviction rates for the UK ****
(Supporting male rape)
(forum includes special gender oriented boards)
Most soaps, friends, joey, old british comedies, two pints of lager and a packet of crisps, the secret life of us, home and away, dharma and greg, two guys and a girl
After Silence: Rape and My Journey Back, Cunt, Where I Stopped;remembering an adolescent rape, Lucky, The Lovely Bones, Telling: A Memoir Of Rape And Recovery, The Sexual Healing Journey, Trauma and Recovery, Persephone Returns.
Anything by Marian Keyes,Sophie Kinsella, Freya North, most easy reading 'chick lit' type books. I still love childrens books too, Enid Blyton, Louise Rennison.
Alice Sebold, Angela Shelton, anybody who has been through traumatic times in their lives and are surviving and fighting to get through it all.
Click the banner above ^^ to watch Angela Shelton's (and my) favourite video of herself giving a speech in her home state in '04. Be warned, she swears a lot and beats the hell out of a chair with a baseball bat lol.
Myths About Rape.
Myth: Only young, attractive women are at risk of being raped.
Fact: Women, children and men of all ages, classes, racial groups and lifestyles have been raped. No one asks to be humiliated and degraded by an act of extreme violence.
Myth: Rape is a product of an uncontrollable and overwhelming sex drive.
Fact: Men can, and do, control their sexual urges. Rape is an act of violence not a sexual act.
Myth: She didn't struggle so she was not raped.
Fact: Most women are too afraid to struggle because of threats of violence if they make a sound.
Myth: Women enjoy rape.
Fact: Rape is never pleasurable for any woman.
Myth: Rape only occurs at the hands of strangers in dark alleys, at night, behind bushes, in lonely places.
Fact: Research shows that in the majority of cases the rapist is known to the woman. He may be a Friend, a Workmate, Relative or Husband. About 50% of rapes occur in the home of the woman or attacker.
Myth: Rape is committed by a sex starved maniac overwhelmed by uncontrollable sexual urges.
Fact: Rape is not about sex, it is about POWER and VIOLENCE. The vast majority of rapes are carefully planned.
Myth: Women "ask for it" by hitching lifts, wearing short skirts and make-up, leading men on.
Fact: No women ever deserves to be raped, abused or assaulted, no matter what the circumstances, most rapes are planned. What a woman is wearing makes no difference.
Myth: It cannot be rape unless there has been an act of physical violence such as beating, or cutting or using a weapon and in some way physically injuring the woman.
Fact: Some attackers badly beat and severely injure the woman, others do not. However, in any rape the man violently takes away the woman's control over her life and her sexuality and women suffer psychological trauma. The emotional after effects of rape can include eating disorders, sleeping disorders, agoraphobia, depression, suicide attempts and sexual difficulties.
Myth: Rape is just sex when a woman does not want it.
Fact: Sexual assault and rape are not just sex. They involve the total humiliation of a woman. They involve taking control of her body against her will. They involve taking all dignity and self assurance away from a woman, and reducing her to an object of sexual abuse. It is violence when someone forces a woman to engage in sexual acts against her will. It is humiliation. It is degradation. During interviewing rapists say that rape is more about power and violence than about sex.
Myth: Rape is only when a penis penetrates a vagina against a woman's will.
Fact: The law currently defines rape as the non-consensual penetration of the vagina, anus or mouth by penis. However acts such as the penetration of the vagina or anus by a foreign object are also experienced by women as rape. The law accounts for these acts with offences which carry the same sentence as rape. In addition touching, fondling and sexual contact against a woman's will are all forms of sexual assault.
Myth: Prostitutes can't suffer rape.
Fact: Any man who forces a woman into a sexual act against her will has abused her. Any woman regardless of her job or her appearance can suffer rape.
Myth: Women enjoy rape. Some women ask for it. Women lead the rapist on.
Fact: It is very handy to be able to blame the woman this way. It lets the attackers off the hook and it helps other people to feel safe. If you believe that women are to blame when they suffer rape, then you might imagine that you can protect yourself by being careful and sensible. The truth is that an attack can take place against any woman, at any time, and in any place. Suffering rape is a traumatic violation. A woman is often afraid that he will kill her. She may try to calm the rapist down by pretending she is enjoying herself. Rape is the sole responsibility of the rapist, regardless of anything a woman may do to survive.
Myth: Women say no when they mean yes.
Fact: While some women may have been socialised into believing that it is wrong for them to want sex, and that they should play hard to get, when a woman says "no" she means "no". This is no excuse for disregarding a woman's "no" to sex.
Myth: She wanted it really.
Fact: This is part of the idea that all women want, need and/or enjoy being taken by force and that she only said "no" to take away the need to feel guilty. Women do not want, need or enjoy being threatened, beaten or being afraid for their lives.
Myth: She changed her mind.
Fact: This is sometimes used as an "explanation" for rape, I.e. she wished afterwards that she hadn't done it, or as part of the "she meant yes" argument. In reality if a woman changes her mind at any point and the man continues then it is rape.
Myth: The woman or girl is guilty; she could have stopped the rape if she had really wanted to.
Fact: Most men are stronger than women and rapists use this physical advantage to prevent women from resisting successfully. During a rape a woman sometimes becomes paralysed by fear. In addition rapists often threaten women with weapons or fists, or with harm to their children and loved ones. Psychological coercion or the exploitation of power imbalances between the rapist and the woman - especially when they know each other - can also overcome a woman's resistance. Regardless of how much physical force the rapist used or didn't use, he is the guilty party, not the woman or girl.
Myth: Rape is worse for virgins and girls from 'nice homes' than for non virgins.
Fact: Any woman can suffer rape; it makes no difference if she has previously had sexual intercourse. Rape is a matter of consent and has no relevance to how a woman has previously spent her life.
Myth: Women and girls make up stories about rape and sexual assault. She only said it because she got pregnant. She only said it because she was late home.
Fact: This is a myth that is frequently cited to try and prove that a woman is lying, or that her evidence is unacceptable. It is proven that the level of false reporting of rape is about the same as that for any other crime - 2%. The nature of the physical examination and the intimate questioning about a woman's life when she reports rape makes it highly unlikely that any woman would use this as an 'excuse'.
Myth: A rapist is not normal. Rapists are sex fiends, maniacs, monsters, pathetic, sick. Rapists are madmen.
Fact: Many rapists appear perfectly normal. They often have steady jobs and consensual relationships with wives and girlfriends. Many people believe that men who sexually assault women are loners, incapable of forming relationships or leading normal lives. The popular image of a rapist is of someone who spends all his time lurking in bushes ready to pounce on lone women. The police interviewed Peter Sutcliffe nine times before they discovered that he was the Yorkshire Ripper. He didn't fit their image of a mass rapist and murderer because he was married, had a steady job and a nice home. This is how it is with many attackers. When a woman suffers rape from her husband or a man she may have known for a long time, it is hard to call him a rapist because she will feel that no one will believe her. She fears people will accuse her of corrupting a respectable man. This is because people don't realise what rape involves.
Myth: Rapists are drunk.
Fact: This is often offered as another excuse along with the "he couldn't help himself" line. It is a fact that most people are capable of having a drink without attacking another human being. This remains an excuse that some people use to take responsibility away from the rapist.
Myth: It is strangers in dark alleys who rape.
Fact: Surveys indicate that about 60% of men who rape know the woman they are raping, as in acquaintance and date rape.
Myth: Rape does not happen in marriage.
Fact: Husbands can and do rape their wives. Rape is sexual acts without the woman's consent. It is only since 1991 that a precedent for this has existed in English law.
Myth: Rape is unplanned; the rapist's natural sexual urges carry him away.
Fact: Men do not have uncontrollable urges. They are not incapable of stopping sexual intercourse once it has begun. There is no scientific evidence to suggest that men have 'stronger' sexual drives than women. This is an inaccurate belief rooted in society, not a fact. It is not women's responsibility to control men's sexuality. This myth is just another convenient excuse.
Myth: If a boy spends a lot of money on a girl he has a right to have sex with her.
Fact: Just because someone has spent money on you doesn't mean he has any rights to your body. If a man/boy buys you something it is his choice and you don't owe him anything, least of all sex. If you're not sure then go halves on everything.
Myths and Facts about child sexual abuse.
Myth: The sexual abuse of children is very rare
Fact: No, sexual assaults against children are very common, Up to 80% of assaults go unreported, so official police statistics and sensationalist media reports dramatically understate the real number of attacks. Different studies come up with different figures for the incidence of child sexual abuse, but many suggest that it is horrifyingly common.
Myth: Adults only need to warn children against strangers
Fact: The common image of a child molester is a man in a dirty raincoat, who hangs around playgrounds with a bag of sweets. The truth is that children are most likely to suffer abuse from a trusted member of their family. A very small number of abusers are women, about 3%.
Myth: Gay men and lesbians are more likely to abuse
Fact: The myth is a result of fear and prejudice against homosexuality. The papers pay much attention to cases where boys have suffered abuse. In fact 97% of male attackers are heterosexual men and often they will be abusing girls as well.
Myth: Little girls imagine most supposed cases of incest; some children even lie about it
Fact: Freud was one of the first people to develop psychology. During the time since he died, his ideas have been used to teach doctors psychology. Freud said that women invented stories about childhood sexual abuse because he could not bring himself to believe how much it was happening. There is evidence that Freud hid and changed women's accounts to deny what had happened to them. Unfortunately this idea can create a situation in which a disclosing child is not believed, and is not offered help or support.
Myth: Some girls enjoy sex with their fathers. People believe this because not all abusers use physical violence. Also some girls do not report the abuse even when they get the chance to.
Fact: Sexual abuse can cause the vagina, bladder and anus to be torn and damaged. It can also cause internal damage. Some survivors do remember enjoying the attention and stoking that in some cases comes with the abuse. Every child needs affection. If this is the only affection children get it is natural for them to take it. Affection is an essential need for children. The need is not met by the abuse. Children are left with feelings of guilt, confusion and fear. The point is that the abuser is in a position of power over the child, and is abusing the child's trust.
Myth: Often the girl's mother knows what is happening but ignores it or may even encourage it.
Fact: This myth tries to lay the blame on anyone but the attacker. People assume that the mother must see what is happening. People prefer to believe that child abuse is being committed by strangers. They prefer not to believe that their own husband, son or male lover is abusing their child. It is hard to think that such a thing is possible. And even harder to think it is happening in your own home. Even when the mother does realise what is happening she may not be able to protect her child. She may be scared of the man, and economically dependant on him. She may see no way out of the situation. She may be reluctant to put herself and the child through the trauma of a court case.
Myth: It is a normal part of some families' lives, so we should just accept it.
Fact: Incest and child abuse are common throughout our society. Just because it is 'normal' in this sense does not mean we should accept it. There are many issues about which we make moral and political judgements, such as unemployment and the nuclear arms race. We do not just accept these issues.
Myth: Child sexual abuse only happens in working class and poor families
Fact: Sexual abuse happens in all sorts of families. Abusers come from all walks of life.
Myth: It is harmless and it can make matters worse to interfere
Fact: Incest and child abuse are dangerous. It can cause physical injuries. Young girls who have started to menstruate have become pregnant. Children have been treated for gonorrheal tonsillitis and babies have died of asphyxiation after being subjected to forced oral intercourse. It causes extreme mental distress for children. Women are beginning to speak out about the terror and self loathing the abuse imposes on them. IT IS NOT HARMLESS.
Initially reproduced on the RCF website from information given by: the Rape and Sexual Abuse Centre for Women in Merseyside; Cambridge Rape Crisis Centre Cleveland Rape and Sexual Abuse Counselling Service and the South Essex Rape and Incest Centre.