Gary profile picture

Gary

I am here for Dating, Serious Relationships, Friends and Networking

About Me

I am a four-time Grammy winner who often lies about various awards I've received. Sometimes I'll pull my T-shirt halfway off my head and run around like an Arab sheik in my underpants demanding people feed me delicious cookies and stuff. I think colors are pretty and so are YOU! Christ up a toddler, is there any way to waste more time on the Internet? Fuck off.

My Interests

Alcohol, Marijuana, Morphine, Fentanyl, Dilaudid, Oxycontin, Percocet, Codeine, Vicodin, Ambien, Effexor, Ativan, Valium, Xanax, Mandrax, Nitrous Oxide, Soma, Benadryl, Flexeril, Compazine, Psilocybin, Ephedrine, Cocaine, Novocaine, Xylocaine, Benzocaine, Anythingcaine, stool softener, paint thinner, baby laxative, and I think some kind of fish paralyzer

I'd like to meet:

It's "whom," you rasping tardo... WHOM I'd like to meet. And please do NOT add me as a friend if you don't know the difference between "your" and "you're." I'm mainly here to hook up with other locals who like to blink a bleezie while they chill, ya know waddam sane? I need a bottom bitch who ain't always up in my cookie dough for the phat skrilla, cuz y'all seen the Trey-8, and I WILL put the mack hand down. Anyways, I'm off to juice the hooptie, so cell it if you wanna woompty-woomp.P.S. G-D BLESS THE BEAUTIFUL AND HILARIOUS APRIL WINCHELL FOR MAKING THIS VIDEO TODAY 4/21/07 XOXOOXOX

Music:

Oh dude, I am SO into music! I dig a lot of alternative bands you've probably never even heard of... groups like Flaming Bag Of Shit, Cuntberry Pie, Night Scrotum, Douchebag Avenue, 123 Fuck Me Wheee, Rasta Ja Jism and the Purple Pud-Pullers, Famous Anus, Vaginarama, and Duran Duran.

Movies:

Anything with swords, guns, boobs, explosions, magic, outer space, friendly dolphin, candy, blood, scary ghosts, people who don't want to take their medicine being chased around the bed by a sexy nurse, time travel, child geniuses, robots, random slaughter of the innocent, cocksucking, and a plot.

Television:

Xtreme Animal Copulation, Pimp My Ride

Books:

The Torah, The Talmud, Masturbate Your Way To Financial Freedom, Rape Yourself Sober

Heroes:

Anyone who teaches me anything.

My Blog

GOODNIGHT, PHIL HARTMAN

Thanks to my buddy Dode (and Marc @ Amazing Pro Video) for helping me get this transferred and uploaded... It was done live on the Comedy Central Stage for "Sit N' Spin" here in Hollywood several year...
Posted by Gary on Fri, 22 Feb 2008 06:50:00 PST

MARIJUANA TASTE TEST 2008

Sometimes* when I get a new batch of super-expensive marijuana, I like to drive around making impulse purchases of things I think might be delicious right at that moment. Here are tonight's reviews:==...
Posted by Gary on Mon, 11 Feb 2008 02:40:00 PST

GIRL BLOG YAY!!!!

GIRL BLOG ONEYay!!!! OMG you guys I am SO in love with my new boyfriend!!!!!!!! He's the bestest in the world and we are soooooooo TOTALLY in love it's insane!!!! HAHA! Does anybody have any good idea...
Posted by Gary on Mon, 21 Jan 2008 08:33:00 PST

BLOG CONTROL CENTER

Blog Control Center! Blog Control Center! Come in, Blog Control Center! Can you hear me? 10-4, Gary! This is MySpace Blog Control Central, and you're comin' in wall-to-wall and treetop tall! Roger tha...
Posted by Gary on Thu, 17 Jan 2008 09:45:00 PST

COREY ON MY WAYWARD SONS

Part OneCOREY HAIM: Dude, I totally Supermanned your girlfriend last night.COREY FELDMAN: What do you mean?COREY HAIM: I waited till she fell asleep, and then came on her back and pulled the sheet ove...
Posted by Gary on Sun, 13 Jan 2008 01:21:00 PST

COCKFUCKING SHITBERRIES

Have you ever been wearing sweatpants, and pulled both your sweatpants and your underpants down together quickly because you really had to pee, and then not realized that you only pulled your sweatpan...
Posted by Gary on Mon, 07 Jan 2008 04:01:00 PST

YEAR IN REVIEW

2007 RECAP It takes a real man to admit when he's wrong, and I will say here and now for the record that my new catch phrase for 2007 - "Jesus nigger Hitler" - did NOT take off as I'd hoped. For that...
Posted by Gary on Fri, 21 Dec 2007 05:00:00 PST

GAY AS A FISH PICNIC

Yesterday, my psychiatrist had the nerve to question the existence of my new twin girlfriends, Vaska and Zaska - the world's first and only conjoined plus-size supermodels. So what if there isn't rea...
Posted by Gary on Sat, 01 Dec 2007 02:53:00 PST

COLD SIDE OF THE PILLOW

As I'm sure many of you are already aware, I have been deeply involved over the past three decades with a personal scientific research project, attempting to quantify the long-term effects of sustain...
Posted by Gary on Wed, 07 Nov 2007 12:32:00 PST

GONADULATION

My favorite commercial right now is the ad for 1-800-PET-MEDS, where Betty White very nonchalantly uses both her hands to hold up four boxes of doggie vitamin supplements that are obviously taped or ...
Posted by Gary on Mon, 24 Sep 2007 03:12:00 PST