Hi! I'm Bill O'Reilly, host of "The O'Reilly Factor" on the Fox News Channel! To put it bluntly, I'm basically an arrogant conservative asshole that makes my living by distorting the facts, talking out my ass, and often just making up a reality more comfortable for my ignorant conservative audience. I enjoy my work because it gives me a chance to try to present my opinions as "fact" to the majority of Americans that find it too difficult to read real news and actually find out what their government is doing to themselves and the rest of the world. For my viewers it is much more comfortable to live in the make-believe reality that I spin up for all of them, rather than facing the actual truth of the matter. If you don’t like me, I will silence you. If you try to come at me with facts and logic I’ll have your damn mic cut. There will be no awakening of the American public on my watch, so don’t you ever try to tell the truth on my show. And if I ever say anything offensive or wrong and people call me on it, I'll just doctor the transcripts afterwards. For instance this one time I accused the US armed forces in WWII of massacring Nazis, when it was actually the Nazis that massacred us. A little deletion on the transcript and gone! Check it:
Official Fox Transcript:
O'REILLY: General, you need to look at the Malmady (ph) massacre in World War II and the 82nd Airborne.
Real Transcript:
Clark: And let me explain something. You go all the way up the chain of command --
O'Reilly: General! You need to look at the Malmedy massacre in World War Two, and the 82nd Airborne who did it!
Oh yeah, and then I actually had the balls to say the same lie again on another episode, to the same person, Gen. Wesley Clark and then later when it was pointed out that I had lied, yet again, I addressed it, by lying and changing transcripts, yet again. Ah hell, here's a video documenting all of this just in case you want to see how confidently I can pathologically lie to the nation without so much as a flinch...it's no wonder that my ignorant viewers believe everything I say. Screw you Keith Olbermann, for again calling bullshit on my blatant lies!
Anyway, more about me, my favorite subject:
I claim to be a "fair and balanced" independent however I've been a registered Republican for years...and if that surprises any of you you need to pull your heads out of your asses and start listening to all of the propaganda I spew for the Republican Party. It is true however, that I'm not totally committed to the Republican Party. If there was a more conservative party out there I'd lie for them too. I really wish we could have a Fascist Party that ran on an anti-everyonethatisn'trichwhiteandchristian platform...but I guess I'll just stick with the Republicans...that is what they stand for anyway if you pay any attention.
Ahh, this was a good one. What you missed was right after the interview was over I told him to "Get out of my studio before I tear you to fucking pieces!" (No, I'm serious about that one). In the weeks following the interview I used my show as a vehicle to slander Mr. Glick and flat out lie about what he said during the interview. I kept trying to ruin this kid for weeks until finally Al Franken pointed out how big of a lying douche I am.
Now this one kind of relates to the Glick story from above. Aside from seeing Phil Donahue verbally kick my ass all over national television you may have noticed that I took the opportunity here to again accuse Mr. Glick of saying that the Bush administration orchestrated 9/11 (I have actually been accusing him of this quite often since the original interview). Now, if you look back at the above video of my interview with Mr. Glick you might notice that he actually said no such thing (instead, as you might recall, he started mentioning all these facts about how the Reagan administration actually trained and equipped Osama bin Laden and his terrorist network (I think we called them freedom fighters since they were on our side that time)...but of course, I don't care about history or reality, because talking out my ass has nothing to do with either). Yes ladies and gentlemen, this is how I roll. I make shit up about people left and right and my viewers are none the wiser since they never get to hear another side of it because I sure as hell won't set the record straight for them and they are way too ignorant and lazy to question anything I tell them! Ahh who’s house? O’Reilly’s house! I said who’s house..?
Having said that...I'm a really nice guy when you get to know me...very professional and accepting of democratic discourse and trying to find the truth, always. I'm the model of journalism, really!
I am also firmly against immigration into this great nation of ours. This is the land of free and home of the brave...the land of opportunity, why should we share it with anyone else? So what if we are only as affluent as we are because our country and businesses exploit the hell out of the rest of the world. So what if the American way rests on the blood, sweat and tears of the rest of the world...we don't want to see them here, that just depresses us. So let's build a great wall...on all four sides of our country...to keep the rest of the world (especially the reality) out. Besides, the great walls will help us when sea levels rise as a result of our destruction of the environment. Anyway...I'm getting off topic. The point is, the United States of America is not a place for immigrants. O'Reilly sounds foreign you ask? Irish? Nooo...my ancestors have been here forever and ever, since Adam and Eve! It wasn't until those horrible immigrant injuns and negros came to this country that things got bad! They took away our land and the injuns even gave us smallpox infected blankets!! Can you believe those goddamn terrorists?! Yeah...we gotta keep everyone out...who cares if they are the only reason most of our services even work...and the only reason we can have fresh fruit or vegetables...for any food for that matter. I just don't want to learn another language! It is our God given right as Americans to not have to learn any other languages, or expand our cultural horizons in any way whatsoever! Shit, we are Americans, we don't have to know anything or learn anything or even think!! By the way, watch my show! ;)
