Attention: If you are planning to contact me, please read these rules. I've been getting a lot of bullshit from fucktards on this site and I"m having to throw down the gauntlet.
*****************NEW Rules of Contact****************If you're messaging me dick in hand, hoping that I would "just chat" with you, fuck off. Don't bother.DO NOT contact me so that you can peddle your own shit.For the 35-45 year old aging rocker/punk/tattooed/mid-life crisis dude who wants to "hang out" or "thinks I'm cool," thank you. But my vagina is not a portal back to your youth. It's cool if your a fan, but don't expect anything.I will not respond to you if your message lacks punctuation and some attempt at proper grammar. If you send me a message that reads like this:
"hey good lookin how are you i'm good you should hit me up so wecan chat"
Unless English is your second language, I will not talk to you. Period.Thank you. Now about me:I am a level III sorceress, I have great powers that only exist in my head. Don't cross me or I'll turn you into used condoms. I also have regular super powers, that include the ability to rap in tongues, making children cry, and competitive apathy. My lifelong dream was to be a brain surgeon, then it was a lawyer, and now I hope to be God. I don't think I'm going to get the job because I'm a woman, and not only do I not count, but I'm of the lesser effective gender. If you are subretarded and can't tell, I'm joking. I've been blessed with a dark sense of humor in which I funnel into dumb jokes that I tell drunk assholes for little pay. What does that mean to those who may be parusing the internet for someone to masturbate to while your wife is breastfeeding the kids? That means I'm a stand up comic. Well, that's very bold of me to say, I'm more of an amateur, but I'm learning, whatever. I'm really funny, at least that's what my mom tells me. Well, told me, we don't talk anymore, ever since the "arson" incident.
More things about me that you should memorize and obsess for the rest of your walking days:I'm a Leo, I like long walks on the beach, romantic candelight dinners, and cage fighting.Hmmm, number two....I don't really have anything else. What in the hell are you supposed to say? I'll make something up of what I think someone would put: Well, I like long walks on the beach, romantic can....wait, stop (collaborate and listen) I already wrote that. Um, this is what I think regular folks would say:Well, I'm a fun-loving, easy-going girl, that loves life and loves our troops. I like to dance, watch the soaps, bake, eat out, watch sports, listen to music. I love my family, and Jesus. I like rollercoasters and candy canes in December.Was that dumb? I don't care. Screw you people. STOP LOOKING AT MY PROFILE.STOP. Whores.
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