I ran my first marathon in January. In the 7 HOURS it took me to finish, I was forced to pee in the woods twice. NOTHING GOOD HAPPENS IN THE WOODS... especially when your baby exit's exposed. I've been skydiving 3 times sober and 1 time shit-faced. As with most things, 1 time shit-faced is terribly more interesting than 3 times sober. I don't sleep much. My dog won't stop eating her ass. She slurps in 3-D.
I WANT TO MEET EVERYONE ON MY SPACE EXCEPT THE GUY IN THE BONDAGE OUTFIT. You look like you make out with six year olds in the back of the Walgreens parking lot. ALSO THE DUDE DRINKING BUD IN HIS JACUZZI. Hot tubs are nothing more than human soup. Do your privates a favor and stay out of them. AND A SPECIAL MESSAGE FOR THE YOUNG MAN WHO HAS PHOTOSHOPPED FIREBALLS COMING OUT OF HIS EYES: You are not a wizard. We all loved Dungeons and Dragons focker... sometimes it's best to turn your back on love.
TOP 5 RECORDS I'M LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER: STEVE EARLE TRANCENDETAL BLUES/ DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE PLANS/ SUPERDRAG IN THE VALLEY OF DYING STARS/ JIM GAFFIGAN BEYOND THE PALE/ RALPHIE MAY GIRTH OF A NATION
TOP 5 MOVIES I CAN WATCH AGAIN AND AGAIN: GOONIES / HIGH FIDELITY / SHAUN OF THE DEAD / MY DINNER WITH ANDRE / ELF
TOP 5 TV SHOWS: ELLEN / AMERICAN IDOL / THE PRICE IS RIGHT / OPRAH / CONAN
TOP 5 BOOKS IM READING RIGHT NOW: PAULO COELHO THE ALCHEMIST / CHUCK KLOSTERMAN SEX, DRUGS AND COCOA PUFFS / DAVIS SEDARIS ME TALK PRETTY ONE DAY / MALCOLM GLADWELL THE TIPPING POINT / BARACK OBAMA DREAMS FROM MY FATHER
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TOP 5 HEROIC FIGURES: WOLVERINE / BARACK OBAMA / MY MOM / EL NINO JESUS/ RALPHIE MAY