The Killorniban profile picture

The Killorniban

an eye for an eye is elemental

About Me



I've done a lot more for a lot less.

My Interests

I really can't get enough animated gifs.

HAX TV (RIP) Any and all stand-up comedy. Breakfast from The Dish. Good wine. Wine from gas stations. DIY. Tongue-in-cheekery. The process of developing private jokes. Binge eating. Edward Tufte. Understanding the difference between solitude and singularity. Tocca candles. Jo Malone. KALE handbags. Clever things made out of paper. Strong design. Making rock posters. Crying jags. Reading in the bathtub. Drunk dialing. Scarves and mittens. Pints of stout. Tomato and carrot soup. Crostini. West Montlake Park. Blaxploitation. Expensive lipstick. Miller Hi-Life in the bottle. Driving around listening to heroin-dependent blues in the pissing rain. Diet Coke. Evading the police. Strawberry Whole Fruit Bars. Design blogs. Singing to myself and to anyone that will listen. Letterpress. Fonts. 80/20. Sammiches. Being a bigot.

I'd like to meet:


Dogs wearing clothes. Pharmacists. Joel McHale. People who don't have MySpace pages.

Music:


Northwest Pretentious Fucker Rock.


Movies:


Trash. Documentaries. Solondz-type films. Junebug. Grey Gardens. Spinal Tap. Idiocracy. Anything embarassingly bad, A+ if it's made for TV. Riding the Bus With my Sister and Born Innocent come to mind.

Not like I am going to put electrical tape on my nipples and storm Capitol Hill anytime soon, but if you get a chance to watch PBS' "Is Wal-Mart Good For America?" you should. Don't want to ruin the ending for you or anything but the answer is no.

Television:


Again, trash. Anything where I can watch a persons' bad judgment in action. Reality television is a godsend, thank you John Langley for being born and conceptualizing what will ultimately grease the skids for the final leg of the decline of Western Civilization. I could watch COPS until my ass grew into the couch and sprouted mushrooms, Dog the Bounty Hunter, Intervention, Best Week Ever, The Soup, Project Runway, Made, True Life, Dancing/Skating/Purging with the Stars, The Office (UK version will always prevail), Entourage, The Comeback (sadly canceled, this show was genius). MXC (again, totally underrated). America's Funniest Home Videos. Anything involving a blooper or a fat lady falling out of a swing.

E! is Gay CNN.

Books:


Anything by AM Homes or Lorrie Moore. I kind of want to hate-fuck David Foster Wallace. And I just kind of want to hate Chuck Klosterman.

Heroes:



My Blog

the other half, living

Spoon Tickets!!!Fremont Oktoberfest!!!Flatstock 14 Poster Convention!!!HAXTV Resurgence!!!All-Star Pop Trivia Season!!!September is going to rizule, as long as I can keep up the Diet Coke N Benefiber ...
Posted by The Killorniban on Thu, 30 Aug 2007 02:19:00 PST

bringing huffy to life

Tonight I saw a woman riding a bicycle while smoking a cigarette.
Posted by The Killorniban on Tue, 28 Aug 2007 01:49:00 PST

A puppy scorned

I was woken at 6 this morning to Morty's paw on my face."MARF!"  He yelled, indignant.For those not familiar, Pugs have a bark that sounds like they have been smoking since the birth of Jesus.&nb...
Posted by The Killorniban on Wed, 22 Aug 2007 12:52:00 PST

but I just wrungded my bandage yesterday

I'll stick with passion.  Or permanent asexuality rather, as my vagina melted off after reading this:
Posted by The Killorniban on Tue, 14 Aug 2007 11:36:00 PST

Mixtape Release - Robert E. Lee: Most Likely to Secede

I have completed the second installment of the koMEDIA Supertones Mixtape series.  Email me with your mailing address and I will mail you an - AHEM -  super-legit, not-infringing-on-copyrigh...
Posted by The Killorniban on Tue, 14 Aug 2007 12:23:00 PST

signing, resigning

I just re-signed my lease, which makes me want to smoke 10,000 cigarettes for a million different reasons.I have seemingly just become aware of time, as in its relationship with space and the endless ...
Posted by The Killorniban on Tue, 14 Aug 2007 12:09:00 PST

nothing says "never forget" like pizza parlor accessories

Do you think its too soon?.....
Posted by The Killorniban on Sat, 11 Aug 2007 04:10:00 PST

my dog can do anything

I generally like things that are awesome, which makes it kind of a lucky break that Morty turned out to be the kick in the pants that he is.  As he grows older he is trading all of his annoying p...
Posted by The Killorniban on Fri, 10 Aug 2007 01:07:00 PST

You're Not Pepper Jenkins - Part One

91.88% of my income comes from Craigslist.  So far I have been ble$$ed by whoever the gods are that protect you from being assraped by a dollar-dangling Juggalo, but, such as life, there's always...
Posted by The Killorniban on Wed, 01 Aug 2007 02:29:00 PST

Things to Do In Denver When You're Dude

Going on hour 7 here in the good ol' Mile High City airport, thought I would put together a list of things I have seen and learned:1.  Number of passersby wearing Crocs: 632.  Arguments are ...
Posted by The Killorniban on Tue, 17 Jul 2007 05:31:00 PST