I was born in 1974. I suffered 3 heart attacks in high school after drinking 100 cans of Cola a week. After dropping out of Coney Island college I took three years off during which I continuously watched TV, knowing that someday it would help me save the world. I then got a job delivering pizzas for Panuccis Pizza during which, on December 31 1999, I got frozen while delivering a pizza to Applied Cryogenics. I woke up on December 31st, 2999.
Other than that, I don't have a lot to say about myself...
Soon after I was frozen, I visited the moon, and found out that there was an amusement park on it. Then I moved into the closet of my best friend Bender's apartment. Then me, Bender and Leela met the great space hero Zapp Brannigan and found out he was just a fat jerk. Then we went to Chapek 9, a planet full of robots who hate humans, and we were almost killed. Then I found out my old bank account added up to 4.3 Billion dollars so I bought a can of extinct anchovies, and other 20th Century stuff. Then I became the Emperor of Trisol, a planet full of water people. Then Me Bender and Leela saved the world from a giant ball of 20th Century garbage.
Then we went on the Titanic spaceship, which was sucked into a black hole. Then I went to college at Mars University and dropped out soon after. Then my knowledge of TV helped me save the planet from the Omicronians. Then we went to the planet Wormulon to visit the Slurm factory, and found out the disgusting secret behind the soda. After that, we had to go rescue Leela's pet, Nibbler, from the sewers. Then Zapp Brannigan became the captain of our ship for a while. Then me and Leela were almost killed by a robotic Santa Claus. After that, we visited my friend Doctor Zoidberg's home planet so he could mate, then we ended up fighting over this lobster chick named Edna. Then I dated the cute and rich Amy Wong for a while... until she started talking about hanging out and stuff. Then Leela found another cyclops on the internet named Alkazar, and he imprisoned me. Then the ship was pulled down to the bottom of the ocean where we discovered the lost city of Atlanta, and I dated a mermaid named Umbrielle. And while we were making a shipment of Zuban cigars, we were hijacked by the robot mafia. Leela was blind and Bender was sick, so only I knew what went on that day. Then we found these things which we called popplers and brought them back to Earth, where we made lots of money selling them as food. They ended up being baby omicronians, and Lrrr almost ate Leela because of that.
Then Bender turned into a werecar and almost killed me. Then we went to war against a planet full of bouncing ball things. After that, Me Leela and Bender were fired from Planet Express and me and Bender got jobs at Applied Cryogenics, where I met Pauly Shore and my old girlfriend Michelle. After that I ate an egg salad sandwich from a truckstop bathroom and got parasitic worms that made me smart and strong and good at the holophonor. Then we ended up on a planet full of giant Amazon women who nearly snu-snued us to death. After that I saved the world from giant brains, but nobody remembers what happened but me. Then Zoidberg met his uncle Zoid, an old famous actor, and I got into a Hollywood party after his uncle won an Oscar. For a while I was captain of the Planet Express Ship, because Leela refused to go on our mission and Bender was wanged on the head and he thought he was a penguin. Then we went to Old New York to find my lucky 7-leaf clover, and I thought my brother Yancy stole it, and my name. But he named his son after me and gave my clover to him. After that, me and Bender ended up in a robot asylum, and I thought I was a robot. After that Bender was injured and met Beck in the hospital and went on tour with him, and me, Leela, Zodberg, and Amy followed them around in an old Volkswagen that I found in a ditch. And after that, one of the professor's crazy ass experiments messed up time and it was skipping forward, and me and Leela were married and divorced. After that, I downloaded Lucy Liu and dated her.
Then we went back in time... and some things happened... and now I'm my own grampa. And after that we went to the north pole of Neptune and trapped Santa in ice, and Bender became the new Santa. Then we found out Leela wasn't an alien, she was a sewer mutant. Then we went back to Mars to meet Amy's Parents and we saved the herd of buggalo from the Native Martians. After that, we delivered a huge sandstone block to Osirus 3 and became slaves, then Bender became the new Pharaoh of the planet. After that, Bender was accidentally shot from the cannon and floated around space for a few days, and he says he met God when that happened. After that I met a guy from the 80's who was also frozen, and he took over Planet Express for a while. Then I was framed by Zoidberg when Bender ran away... he broke the professor's ship in a bottle and said I did it. Then me, Bender and Leela saved the old cast of Star Trek from a crazy fanatic energy thing named Melllvar.
After that, I found my dog Seymour fossilized in a museum... we were gonna clone him, but he lived 13 years after I was frozen, so he forgot about me a long time ago. Then we brewed beer inside Bender. Then me and Leela got superpowers from this cream Zoidberg had. After that we were all turned into kids from some age-reversing tar or something. Then I found out that when I fell into the freezer-doodle and ended up in the future-jiggy, I was pushed by Nibbler because I was supposed to come to the future to save the universe from the giant flying brains. After that I was stung by a space bee, but the stinger went through me and barely touched Leela, but the tip of the stinger poisoned Leela and I was ok. Then the professor made a parallel universe inside a box where Leela and me were married. After that there was a tax refund and everyone got 300 dollars... I spent all of mine on coffee. Then I was abducted by aliens who took my nose, and I almost lost my doodle to Lrr, who wanted to use it as an aphrodesiac. And then I got the Robot Devil's hands so that I could play the holophonor to impress Leela... then the Robot Devil almost married Leela.
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