Benny profile picture

Benny

Make the homies say HO and the girlies wanna SCREEEAM!

About Me

I enjoy spending quality time with my lovely wife, excessive binge drinking by myself, being a dad, posing as a 10 year old boy on online pro-wrestling games and infuriating the other players, the beach, speaking in a broken Olde English/ebonics hybrid language (that I invented), staring blankly at walls, and comedy (both good and bad). I have great friends and greater family that support me no matter what, even if they don't agree with what I do and I repay them by irritating them. I pride myself on being a good father because I rid my house of all my sodomy porn, or at least most of it. I am one-third of the comedic trio "People Were Outraged" with my good friends Brendan Kennedy and Mike Rainey. We do stand-up comedy shows all across the bleak landscape that is the Philadelphia suburbs, dilligently working the bar-circuit like a Tijuana crackwhore works a donkey at a bachelor party. I urge everyone to support underground comedy at alternative venues, as I feel it is the last means of totally free expression left in this country. The entertainment is less watered-down and so is the alcohol. I think everyone should eat mushrooms at least once in thier lives somewhere outdoors with people they love. I support small businesses and believe in third party representation. I am for the legalization of vices I don't partake in and support the prohibition of the ones I endulge in. I have slept with hundreds of imaginary women and have imagined sleeping with thousands of real ones. I have gotten naked in hotel rooms full of men so that I could get my own bed. I have vommited on people by accident and have been purposely vommited on by others. I like to pretend I am black on political internet message boards and accuse the other posters of being racist when they disagree with me. I once had my watch stolen from me at gunpoint and later got it back from the guy. I still have the watch but never wear it. There is a possibility that guy is dead now, and if he is I regret not being present at his funeral to point and laugh at him. I like ordering sushi and eggrolls from Aston Palace in Delco PA and enjoying it with my wife while we sit on the couch together and watch movies that I pick. I also wear a retainer.



My Interests

Comedy, cheese, self-absorbtion, over-indulgence, avoidance, masturbation, alienating myself from audiences, farting on my dog, drinking by myself, sushi, poker, and the GIANTS!

I'd like to meet:

I'd like to meet you May 15th at The M Room in Philadelphia for...

and come say hello on blogtv.com May 14th at 9p EST for the featuring of

Music:

Deftones, The Melvins, Sublime, Slayer, Aerosmith, GWAR, Heltah Skeltah, Pearl Jam, Fantomas, Primus, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Bloodhound Gang, Dire Straits, The Misfits, Jello Biafra, White Zombie, Pantera, The Black Crowes, N.W.A., Tenacious D

Movies:

300, Memento, Natural Born Killers, Blue Velvet, U-Turn, Baby Boy, Star Wars, Scarface, True Romance, Reservoir Dogs, Heat, Nice Dreams, Seymore Butts Musical Tushes, CKY, Lock Stock and 2 Smoking Barrels, The Devil's Rejects, Run Lola Run, Very Bad Things, The Big Lebowski, Boondock Saints, Predator, Kingpin, Friday, Three OClock High, Sling Blade, Indiana Jones, Texas Chainsaw Masacre, Borat, The Prestige, Crocodile Dundee 2

Television:

Lost, The Shield, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Flight Of The Conchords, Metalocalypse, Brotherhood

Books:

Post Office, American Psycho, Ham On Rye, It, Mark Of The Werewolf, Buddhism: Plain and Simple, Private Parts, Miss America, The Celestine Prophesy, Hell's Angels, The Last Don, Blood And Honor, The Goodfella Tapes, The Last Gangster, Confederacy Of Dunces, Wrestlecrap, Happy Endings, People's History of the United States

My Blog

My Moment Of Truth

The Moment of Truth is an awful show on Fox where depraved greedy people jeopardize their marriages and relationships with their families in an attempt to win a few measely thousand dollars, half of w...
Posted by Benny on Fri, 29 Feb 2008 04:22:00 PST

Need help with a website

Hello, my lovely wife bought me a website domain for my skyrocketing comedy career so that I don't have to rely solely on Myspace.  I now am the proud owner of bennymichaels.com.  However I ...
Posted by Benny on Mon, 21 Jan 2008 10:41:00 PST

I’m pitching a TV pilot!

I'm pitching this idea to the NFL Network.  It's a series called "Why Are You Here?".  My first guest is going to be Tony Siragusa.  Hopefully they'll pick it up so I can get to work on...
Posted by Benny on Sun, 09 Dec 2007 12:48:00 PST

Whoopi Goldberg - The View

I was leafing through one of my wife's old People magazines and came across an article titled "Whoopi Goldberg - The View". Turns out it was an article about how Whoopi Goldberg was slated to replace ...
Posted by Benny on Sat, 13 Oct 2007 04:24:00 PST

Fanatical Hate Mail Volume 2: Polish Edition

I received a message on Myspace by a very attractive girl from Poland.  I get excited when I get messages on Myspace from good looking women that actually exist.  Usually when I get a messag...
Posted by Benny on Tue, 08 May 2007 06:30:00 PST

Angry Black Women

The other day when the weather was nice I went to the basketball court to shoot some hoops.  A group of African American females were exiting the court as I was stepping onto it.  They ...
Posted by Benny on Thu, 12 Apr 2007 03:57:00 PST

Korn

I just saw "Korn Unplugged" on OnDemand Music. Give it up, guys.  Seriously, stop.
Posted by Benny on Fri, 06 Apr 2007 08:26:00 PST

The Death of Bad News Brown

For anyone who hasn't heard the horrible news, Bad News Brown passed away March 6th at the age of 63. He served as a childhood hero for my little brother and I growing up. As far as I am concerned, ...
Posted by Benny on Fri, 16 Mar 2007 08:06:00 PST

Getting Pushed In A Pool

This was a question posed to me once by a fellow comedian friend of mine.  In movies, have you ever, EVER laughed at someone being pushed in a pool?  Like a stuffy rich woman, or a snobby wa...
Posted by Benny on Sun, 21 Jan 2007 11:55:00 PST

Fanatical Hate Mail

Thanks for stopping by to read this blog.  This is one of the few blogs I've written that expresses my true heartfelt sentiments.  Usually my blogs are written out of boredom, or b...
Posted by Benny on Sat, 06 Jan 2007 09:19:00 PST