ADAM HAMMER - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Hey Guys!So you found me! Good for you. Check out my schedule. Read all about me. Maybe post a comment or two and above all, think of ME when you're alone. I update this from time to time so check back for new shit. Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate my fans. Both of you! So post a comment, let me know of cool links, have fun and remember to wash your hands Enjoy!...AND CHECK OUT MY BLOG! Lots of fun for kids of ALL ages!

Here's a video I made with Dan Bialek and Geoff Keith about my ugly tattoos...

My Interests

sleep, wake, eat, drink, drink more, make jokes, keep drinking, have another one, start spinning, pass out, wake up, tylenol, dry-heaves, gatorade, rinse, repeat

I'd like to meet:

Hank Williams III, Steve Martin, Phil Ivey and Osama Bin Laden. But not all at once. Especially not in a dark alley.
Also, anyone who's not a douche.

Music:

Yup.

Movies:

Yeah. Especially good ones.

Television:

I have two. One with TiVO and one without TiVO. The one with TiVO gets more attention than the other one. It's not that I don't like the other TV I just feel that we've grown apart. I keep trying to hang out and just talk with him but it feels forced. Maybe I've just grown past TVs without TiVO. Now I feel like the only reason I have the 2nd TV is for nostalgia. So sometimes I can say "hey, remember when I didn't even have TiVO? I used to miss all my favorite shows? We sure watched some good commercials didn't we old buddy. Well let's keep in touch this time. Seriously."(anyone want to buy a TV?)

Books:

My favorite books are users manuals. Not only do I know how to operate my lawnmower, but I can also do it in french! That's the best reading to me. Users manuals. And Shampoo bottles. I love to read what it is that makes what's left of my hair so silky and smooth. Other kinds of fun things to read are books. Books about vampires! Scary ones! I think my favorite book would be a step by step guide to washing a vampire's hair! THAT would be ecstacy my myspace compatriots.

Heroes:

My heroes are all around. Everyday people that wake up and love their kids and work hard and don't exploit their gift of flight.

My Blog

Drop the penis and walk away..!

I live in a neighborhood that is mostly populated by either Orthodox or Hasidic Jews. I'm not sure which one. Partly because of my arrogance, mostly because of my ignorance.I've got my door open right...
Posted by ADAM HAMMER on Tue, 11 Mar 2008 08:39:00 PST

Finally! Something to be proud of...

Over the past few days I've started to notice that my two front teeth are becoming increasingly see-through. Not like a windshield, but like stained glass window. A hint of translucency, if you will. ...
Posted by ADAM HAMMER on Mon, 03 Mar 2008 02:46:00 PST

Olsen Twins, you’re next...

Lindsay Lohan did a nude photo shoot for New York Magazine in which she attempted to recreate Marilyn Monroe's final photo shoot. And as evidenced by this picture it was about as sultry and erotic as ...
Posted by ADAM HAMMER on Fri, 29 Feb 2008 04:24:00 PST

A Valentine’s Present 12 days in the waiting...

So today I got my Valentine's Day present from my wife. By far the best one I've ever received. Totally puts to shame those chalky little asbestos fused candy hearts.My wife published all my blogs and...
Posted by ADAM HAMMER on Wed, 27 Feb 2008 04:38:00 PST

An open letter to my fan(s)...

Hey guys!First of all, thanks for enjoying me! It feels good. I work pretty hard to make it so you have as much fun as I do when you come to my shows or read my blogs. But recent events have made it s...
Posted by ADAM HAMMER on Tue, 26 Feb 2008 05:46:00 PST

What’s new with me..?

Funny you should ask. My life has been GREAT! First off, I discovered a book called UFF DA! - Scandinavian Jokes, Poems, Cartoons and Shaggy Dog Stories! It's a pretty great read. I got it from my Gre...
Posted by ADAM HAMMER on Thu, 21 Feb 2008 02:54:00 PST

Its time for an Intervention...

ChocoholicSo it recently came to my attention that my Mother-in-Law is a Chocoholic. But not like "Oooh! Look at me! I just ate a cupcake! I'm such a chocoholic!" I mean, she's turning tricks for fun-...
Posted by ADAM HAMMER on Tue, 19 Feb 2008 03:22:00 PST

Ballot Bowl 2008... Boo-Yah..!

Alright, here's my morbid theory on why Huckabee hasn't dropped out of the presidential campaign - regardless of the fact that his bid for the nomination is mathematically impossible to win. He's stil...
Posted by ADAM HAMMER on Sun, 17 Feb 2008 03:01:00 PST

Items of distraction...

I'd like to meet someone with the nickname, "The Gooch". I see it in a lot of movies and I think it's fun. So I need a Gooch. I'm taking applications. If you'd like to be the Gooch, write me, in 100 w...
Posted by ADAM HAMMER on Sat, 09 Feb 2008 07:33:00 PST

America the pitiful...

This year I cast what quite possibly may have been my last vote in a presidential primary. I can't believe the options we're presented this year. "Do you guys have mashed potatoes?" "No. We've got tur...
Posted by ADAM HAMMER on Thu, 07 Feb 2008 10:07:00 PST