Geoff Keith! - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I'm a stand up comedian originally from El Toro, California. I joined up after pressure from my managers and comics. Other comics told me it was a good idea and once they backed me in a corner and and made me pick a password I finally gave in. Also, I heard you can find a lot of 15-year-old dime piece girlfriends on here. And I'm all about that. Ask Bryan Fincham. He gets with so many 15 year olds he has to register as a sex offender in any city he visits. Hopefully I'll get some really awesome friends on here that I never have to meet or actually talk to. That's the ultimate goal, right?? For all the non-comics out there please become one. We don't have enough. Don't let lack of a sense of humor keep you from your dream of taking up stage time with jokes you already heard work on TV. Does anyone know a good viagra bit? And am I the only one that noticed how different Michael Jackson is?

My Interests

Being funny. Trying to be even funnier. Stand up. Writing. Acting. Watching basketball. Living vicariously thru Bryan Fincham b/c he pulls "mad 15-year-old dime pieces" off the myspace. Watching Ian Gulbransen try and dance. Taking poops while reading a book on famous quotes. Waking up late and telling myself I'm gonna get it into gear tomorrow. Going on a diet to shred body fat w/ my roommate Texas Battle so he can get paid for a modeling job and I just end up hungry. Hanging out with my best friend Shawn b/c he always beats out compliments for me from the girls he's about to hook up with. Then after he's done he can tell me things like "Ashley says you're really cute." Giving computers to my boy Anthony Jones. Doing shows in front of 2 people at MB and laughing at Adam Hammer and Marc Takemiya as they struggle to get through 6 minutes in front of chairs.

I'd like to meet:

The guy that invented Miller High Life so he could sign my wife beater and slap my bitch. Also, I'd like to re-meet the guy that wouldn't stop freestyling on the Greyhound bus when I was trying to watch the 17-yr old girl breastfeed. And Jerry Lewis.
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Music:

Kevin Lyttle. Anyone can be a one-hit wonder, but try doing it with a girl's voice.

Movies:

Dumb and Dumber, Kingpin, (A Lot of other Comedies), The Shawshank Redemption, Gangs of New York (Meet Amsterdam. He nearly fish-hooked McGroin)

Television:

Seinfeld, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and back in the day...SAVED BY THE BELL (You watched it too!)

Books:

Does KING magazine count??? OK, The Sneetches by Dr. Suess

Heroes:

Superman....he dressed in tights, had a small weenie, and bitches still jocked his ass. Comics: Jackie Mason, Dave Chappelle, Pablo Francisco, and many more. Parents: Mine, Rob and Jan Keith. If I had to pick one: My grandfather Lou Piltz, had a harder life than almost anyone and is the nicest person you'd ever meet and does more volunteer work than Red Cross and high school students trying to complete their community service hours combined! Found a woman he loves and married her (my grandma). Good pick b/c she never learned to drive which makes it hard to pack up and leave. "I'm gone! I should be 2 miles away by Friday." MY MUSE, TIAIRA.

My Blog

Black People Love Chicken! Ask the Brits!

If you don't find this shit hilarious then you need to check your pulse. I also want to add that I have many black friends and, surprisingly, they all act exactly like this! EMAIL ME IF YOU ...
Posted by Geoff Keith! on Sun, 29 Jun 2008 01:13:00 PST

Lump in my Cock is OK!!!

I just came back from the Urologist office and a nice older gentleman took a look at my pp (dick) for me. I have this little lump that sometimes shows up that I thought was just an added bonus on my a...
Posted by Geoff Keith! on Fri, 27 Jun 2008 05:49:00 PST

Don’t Worry Laker Fans....

Don't worry Laker fans, we'll get 'em in game 7. That's right. It's a seven game series from what I understand so what's the fuss about? Sure Boston thinks they have this in the bag, but that's becaus...
Posted by Geoff Keith! on Wed, 18 Jun 2008 11:25:00 PST

Just Sneezed While Wiping My Ass

Seriously...I was just wiping my ass during one of the five to seven BMs I enjoy during the day and mid wipe I felt a nostril tickle coming on. I knew I had to sneeze. I knew it was not gonna be a lit...
Posted by Geoff Keith! on Wed, 18 Jun 2008 04:50:00 PST

People Are Trying to Buy Me?

What is the deal with these emails I keep getting from people that says they just bought me as their pet? They post to the comments section and I've been thinking for weeks now that they are spam emai...
Posted by Geoff Keith! on Sat, 24 May 2008 12:56:00 PST

Geoffy’s on HBO!

As much fun as I have in my career I very rarely let myself enjoy anything for more than a brief moment. But I have stayed in a great mood all week because I just taped a show called "Down and Dirty w...
Posted by Geoff Keith! on Sat, 24 May 2008 11:28:00 PST

Great New Documentary

Hey everyone please check out the teaser trailer for this awesome new documentary "Crash Artist: Beyond the Red Carpet." Forward this to all your friends too if you get a moment. It's a really interes...
Posted by Geoff Keith! on Mon, 12 May 2008 05:38:00 PST

Best Rap Battle I’ve Seen!

Watch this whole video...it's like 4:34min... Now watch this video...it's Eli's comeback (not really, but it's funny) ...
Posted by Geoff Keith! on Mon, 05 May 2008 04:38:00 PST

Check out the Music Scene!! (Nashville)

I'm in Nashville, Tennessee and apparently, according to everything I come across, there's big music scene here. I did my first show last night and after the show people kept telling me I "had to chec...
Posted by Geoff Keith! on Thu, 01 May 2008 03:31:00 PST

Britain’s Got Talent

I went to youtube.com today and typed in the word "comedian" to see who would pop up with the number one video. Maybe it would be Dane Cook or Carlos Mencia? Maybe Jim Gaffigan or Katt Williams? Dave ...
Posted by Geoff Keith! on Thu, 01 May 2008 02:01:00 PST