C.I.A.

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Essentially we command, often control, and sometimes coordinate, the gathering of secret overseas information gathered by spies (HUMINT), electronic surveillance (SIGINT), and other means; carrying out covert unconstitutional paramilitary counterinsurgency operations and pre-emptive political pacification projects in violation of international law, as well as counter-intelligence sting operations against foreign agents; engaging in domestic surveillance, and manipulation of the U.S. political process, "in the National interest" in direct violation of its congressional charter; operating proprietary "false front" companies for profit; conducting a major share of international trans-shipment of illegal drugs, using National Security cover and immunity; and cooperating with NSA's UFO cover-up operations, Langley, VA, and worldwide branches.I was signed into existence on July 26th, 1947 by President Truman with the intention to protect national interests, wage foreign policy and promote democracy in third world nations. We got a strong start by bringing in a bunch of Nazi's to help set up our clandestine government within a government via OPERATION PAPERCLIP. Our first attempt at managing our fledgling coroporate interests after WWII is a neat lil project called OPERATION AJAX where in 1953 we overthrew the democratically elected Iranian President Mohommad Assident because he wanted his own people and not the British to control the national oil fields. Anyway, we end up bogarting over half the oil fields and making over 18 billion dollars in weapons sales. You see, selling guns to our "enemies" is a great way to finance our other black budget projects like back engeneering crashed UFO's through companies like Honeywell, Northrup, and Boeing... But IM getting ahead of myself... Guatemala: OPERATION PBSUCCESS. We removed democratically elected President Hacobo Arbenz because he wanted to nationalize 1.5 million acres to peasant's and farmer's which would sully the United Fruit Companies profit margins. I mean where else would we get our bananas from, huh? So we bombed the capital and installed dictator Colonel Carlos Castillia Armiz. Allen Dulles and his brother John Foster Dulles get our thanks for helping the situation unfold in away that our coroporate interests were protected. Moving along... 1958, Indonesia. We attempted a coup on President Sukarno but our opperative Lawerence Pope was shot down by an Indonesian Air Force fighter. No problem though. We came back in 1965 and overthrew the democratically elected Sukarno and replaced him with General Suharto. 250,000 deaths occured aferwards. Oops... OPERATION NORTHWOODS was a lil subversive schwindig we planned in 1962 which would generate popular support from the sheeple. Essentially we needed support from the American people. We'd get our 'popular support' by stageing attacks (false flag actions) which would include simulated or real-state sponsored acts of terrorism (such as hijacked planes) on US or Cuban soil. We got our friend Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Lyman Louis Lemnitzer to propose it to the DoD. In the end we decided to scrap that op and move onto to another called respectively OPERATION MONGOOSE and OPERATION DIRTY TRICK. This lil op would have put our 'perception management' team to the test. 'Allowing' John Glenn's manned space flight to 'fail' would allow us to put the blame on the current 'Mr Baddie'. At that time, Fidel Castro. NOTE TO READER: Current 'Mr Baddie' is Osama Bin Ladden. Moving along to... Cuba: BAY OF PIGS INVASION. We ended up not being able to overthrow Fiedel Castro in 1961 because President John F Kennedy pulled the plug and left us hanging in the wind. My friend Allen Dulles had to resign over the boo boo. My bosses, the Council on Foreign Relations, ended up making the call to remove President Kennedy when he issued executive order 11110 which would allow him to issue silver certificates against all the silver in the US Treasury essentially circumventing the privately owened Federal Reserve System. NOTE TO READER: The last President to try this was Abraham Lincoln... Chilie: OPERATION FUBELT. We removed democratically elected Salvadore Allende's and replaced him with a bloody dictator named August Pinochet. Thankfully though our business' involving copper mines and other capital interests were secured. Then in 1975 we went to the cutest lil-big island called East Timor to secure oil fields and deep sea passages for our ballistic subs. Our friend Indonesian Dictator Suharto invaded East Timor where Gerald Ford and Secretary of State Hennry Kissinger green lit the killing of 1/3 of the Timorese population which equates 5 million deaths including 5 journalists from Australia. Oil is important you know... And my buddy Henry is wanted for war crimes involving the whole massacre thingy... As a matter of fact there are several countries Mr Kissinger can not step foot in. Like France... Oh!! This was a fun one!! In 1989 we ousted this bad guy named Manual Noriega because in 1984 he hosted the Contadora Peace talks which deals with removing our intervention in Central American affairs. The gall of it! So then we get our President Ronald Reagan to call him a 'drug trafficer' and ask for a return to a 'civilian democratic government' in Panama... And then we launch *drum roll please* OPERATION JUST CAUSE! Lots of fun here! 4,000 people die but we cover it up on the news. ...And the whole thing about the '15 mass graves' having been found afterward and the UN condeming our actions... Whatever, that's so like world war II nazi concentration camp stuff... Just keep watching TV, and don't do too much critical thinkinng, OK? "Dancing With the Stars"...? Quality programming!! Anyway, what was really cool was when we got President Guillermo Endara to propose a constitutional amendment that would forever abolish Panama's right to have an army which got Congress to pass a law to re-negotiate the Panama Canal Treaties to insure continued US military presence, on the ground that Panama was no longer capable of defending the canal. We did this all in one year under our very close friend President George Herbert Walker Bush Sr. So sit back, get comfortable; prepare for the coming of our New World Order. And remember, Big Brother loves you...