Simon Haynes

If I just sent you a friend request we probably share similar interests, or your profile says you'd like to meet other writers. A random sampling of the profile comments below should (hopefully!) prove I'm genuine.
About me:
I'm a laid-back, easy-going type, and there's not much you can do to ruffle my feathers. Instead of getting annoyed by life's little irritations I just send them up my books.
I grew up with comedy faves like Inspector Clouseau, Arthur and Terry from Minder, Fawlty Towers, Monty Python ... the list is endless. Whether it was a bumbling clown like Basil Fawlty threatening someone with a large garden gnome or a wheeler dealer like Arthur Daley trying to flog a job lot of bent telephones to the local constabulary, I'd be glued to the screen, lapping up every gag, every tortured expression and every pratfall.
So, if you enjoy TV shows like Blackadder, Red Dwarf and Dr Who, or books by Douglas Adams, Tom Holt, Terry Pratchett or Jasper Fforde, then you know where I'm coming from.
By the way, I like to meet new people, so don't be shy about sending me a friend request.
Other random stuff:
I'm the author of the Hal Spacejock SF/Humour series, published by Fremantle Press and distributed by Penguin Australia.
"Fast, funny, quirky, enthralling comedy adventure ... Better than Red Dwarf!" Tom Holt
"The quirkiest genre satire to hit bookstores since Pratchett's Discworld" The West Australian
Fremantle Press Penguin Australia
My writing website contains a number of articles on getting published, finding an agent and writing a novel.
I won NaNoWriMo in 2005, 2006 and 2007.
I'm a founding member of Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine
I drink lots of instant coffee.
I won the Aurealis Award for Horror, with a story I considered to be SF/Humour.
I'm a good cook.
I'm friendly towards strangers and animals.
Extraterrestrial bacteria seems likely. Alien lifeforms with zapper rays and FTL ships do not.
I have a bunch of medals from state archery tournaments, including a couple of golds.
I'm a client of the John Jarrold Literary Agency
I'm trusting, but not gullible.
I would be a paid-up member of skeptics anonymous, but I think it might be a scam.
I was the president of the WA Atari Computer Club back in the early 90's.
I'm honest to a fault.
I may be a Humanist, but I can't be bothered reading up on it to find out.
I maintain my own profile so you won't get a canned response from a marketing droid.
I bear grudges for life, but only for laughs.
I'm not lazy, I'm just efficient.
In the 1970's my grandfather and his three sons designed and sold award-winning hang-gliders from a factory in the UK. All three brothers were heavily involved in the sport.
I have two degrees from Curtin University, one in creative writing & film and the other in computer programming.
I have a copy of every Tiger comic (UK weekly) from 1968 to the last one in 1986 - barring 10 issues from 1969. I also have all the annuals, from 1954 to 1986.
When I was 8 years old we moved to Spain. On my first day at my new school I was shown into the classroom and told the teacher and all the other kids spoke Spanish ... and no English. For me it was the opposite.
I played in numerous chess tournaments at school and never lost a match. In one tournament our team was disqualified because my brother was two years below the required age ... even though he never lost either.
My uncle has designed a jet-powered flying car . He also designed the Diving Dolphin Massager.
I've never beaten my father at chess.
One of my grandfathers saw action with the 8th Army in North Africa in WWII. The other served in the Royal Flying Corps in World War I. At one stage RFC pilots had a life expectancy of 11 days.
My wife beat me at draughts 18 years ago, and we've not played since. She also beat me at chess, and we haven't played that either. Once dominance is asserted, you accept your position in life ;-)
I have every Roy of the Rovers (UK weekly) from the second issue in 1976 to the Final Whistle edition in 1993. And don't get me started on the Beano, Dandy and Scorcher!
I only watch two things on television: AFL football and Formula One.
My first car was a 1971 Renault 12 with 70,000 miles on the clock. It cost less than a set of tyres for my current vehicle.
My grandmother ran a clothing factory in the UK, making and selling her own designs. This factory later made hang-gliders ... using the same sewing machines.
Last year I bought myself a push-bike, the first new one I've owned. I hadn't ridden a bike since 1986, but I now manage 40-50km a week.
I have a younger brother, as does my wife. Between the six of us (including their spouses) we have seven university degrees ranging from computing to arts to medicine.
I work from home and my car travels less than 100km a week. I fill up with petrol about once a month.