Patrick - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I can't believe anyone would read any of this. I try not to be funny, and it usually works. People ask what comedians I like and I can't answer that. I was always more into comedic performers like Gene Wilder and Bill Murray moreso than traditional stand up comics. I like sports too much and have been trying to get away from them in the past few years, and more towards drug use. A rave of retired athletes would be ideal.2008 should be something else. One of my new years' resolutions is to not apologize so much. Only in Los Angeles.My college alumni just won their fifth NAIA Division I football title, so if in the upcoming weeks you see me smiling with my hand down my pants, it's because i was just looking at my high school yearbook.As an aside, good looking people probably shouldn't give dating advice.

My Interests

Stand-up I guess. Starting in LA is like doing only Friday night late show gigs on the road for five years. The only consistent show I'm involved in is the Sunday night Belly Room show at 8pm upstairs at the Comedy Store.

I'd like to meet:

Forrest Gump if he really did all that shit.

Music:

Neil Young, Pink Floyd, Pearl Jam, Killers, Muse, E-Z E (both as a solo artist and with NWA), Willie Nelson, Electric 6, Cyndi Lauper, Shins, Tom Waits, Flaming Lips, obviously Springsteen.

Movies:

First two Godfathers; first two Rocky's; Raiders of the Lost Ark; Mediterraneo; Where the Buffalo Roam; The Deer Hunter; Lost In Translation; The Shawshank; Blues Brothers; One, Two, Three; The Departed; What's Up, Doc?; Royal T-baums; Swingers, Office Space, Lebowski Lebowski; Lonesome Dove

Television:

Seinfeld; The Office (BBC); Real Time w/ Bill Maher; Jerry Springer; Flight of the Kiwi; That Mitchell & Webb Look; Sex and the City; Arrested Development; White Shadow

Books:

To Kill A Mockingbird; People's History of the United States; Siddhartha; anything by John Madden; all of Grisham's books that don't have to do with practicing law in the south.

Heroes:

If you're old enough to be on my space, you're probably too old to have heroes. Air traffic controllers and Thor.

My Blog

P.O.W. candidates

McCain is a hero. Few contest this. He's a hero primarily because of his time as a POW in Vietnam. I believe it was five years. However, Obama has been a black man in America all his life. That involv...
Posted by Patrick on Thu, 30 Oct 2008 07:57:00 PST

10 most overrated sporting events

1. The Olympics. Why not? It's the season for it. Haven't watched one event yet and I love sports. I may watch the basketball or soccer finals if I happen to be getting blown while it's on. (P.S. I lo...
Posted by Patrick on Wed, 13 Aug 2008 05:18:00 PST

casting the next Batman

will be helping with the casting of the next few Batman movies. not sure of the title yet, but believe me when i say we're working on it.some of the potentials are as follows:Penguin: Jack Black, Phil...
Posted by Patrick on Wed, 13 Aug 2008 05:03:00 PST

Confessions of a serial eater

I can't help myself. It's just such an easy way to start the day. Just add milk? Are you fucking kidding me? What am I supposed to do? I've been hooked since childhood. I try it with non-fat milk, but...
Posted by Patrick on Mon, 04 Aug 2008 11:53:00 PST

Favorite re-tellable jokes

As comics one is always asked to give someone a joke on the spot. None of mine ever really work.The following are a few that might. They are jokes that I like by my peers that can be told by almost an...
Posted by Patrick on Sat, 16 Dec 2006 08:40:00 PST

Independence Day

There were about 3 million Americans living in the 13 original colonies at the time of the Revolutionary War. Today there's more Americans than that living outside the U.S. Ironically, Blacks, Indians...
Posted by Patrick on Wed, 02 Jul 2008 10:39:00 PST

Who party’s the hardest?

The Irish and Russians are seen as the hardest drinkers. Europeans and South Americans stay out the latest, Asians will keep going until told to do otherwise, but the most intense party-goers are not ...
Posted by Patrick on Thu, 24 Apr 2008 09:35:00 PST

Suicide

As a comedian, suicide is always at the forefront of one's mind. I tried it recently. I jumped off a building in downtown Los Angeles, (Herald Examiner; William Randolph Hearst's old newspaper), forme...
Posted by Patrick on Wed, 23 Apr 2008 01:25:00 PST

Rambo IV shunned by Oscars

Ah, hello. What happened? Not even any nominations? It was bad enough Rocky VI received nothing last year, but this is ridiculous. Okay, so nothing in best actor or best film category, but what about ...
Posted by Patrick on Mon, 25 Feb 2008 12:28:00 PST

Where was flipper?

The reading of the U.S. Constitution by former NFL players and coaches during yesterday's Super Bowl pre-game was a new low even for Fox. The only sense of nationality raised was by people who already...
Posted by Patrick on Mon, 04 Feb 2008 11:28:00 PST