ReV TwO~ShEdS ULtRa APPrOpRiaTe TeMpORaRY HoArDiNg

WeLcOmE tO ReV TwO~ShEdS ULtRa APPrOpRiaTe TeMpORaRY HoArDiNg
A message from Rev. Two-Sheds [dictated ~ not read]
"Hi ThErE... Ju$T HaviN' A QuIcK CliCk 'n' aLL ThAt ?...
MaY I TaKe Thi$ $PeciAL Opp0rTunIty kn0CkeR$ To ExTeNd ExTrA~SuPeR CLaPoMeTeR gREeTiNg$ To ALL YoU ZeiTgEi$t NetW0RkEsQuE 0nAnI$t$ & Pr0FiLe EnHanCEMeNt InDucER$ OuT TheRe iN BiNaRy JiZZ LaNd..."
Hi ThErE...
...LOoKin' To Go ALL NeTwOrK ZeiTgEiSt & THeReBy ACCeLLeRaTe YoUr RiSe To ThE Top Of ThE HeAp ?..
MoVe ALonG...
ReV. TwO-ShEdS iS JuSt AnOThEr HaLfWiT...
ThErE's NoThINg To sEe HeRe...
MoVe ALOnG...
'R2S' DeMoNsTrAteS pRopEr 2 PiNt DBL BrEaStEd 'TiTs oF DeaTh' / 'LeMmY KiLMiNsTeR' StYLe SiLenT DiSco TribuTe FruG at 'HaKwFe$t'... [sea above...]
[photo courtesy of ~ The Lady]
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MeAn WhiLe ... BaCk iN ThE ReaLe WoRLDe...
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ViEwS ExPrESSeD on ThiS Site Are SoMetImeS ObScuRed By LeaNdi... etcetera... and not meant to infer... and so on etcetera... guilt by association etcetera...
Rev.TwO-SheDs 'SeMi~LiVe 15/06/08' DeMonStrAtiNg His "AdVaNceD PoCkeT biLLiArDs TeChnIQuEs"... [sic*]
ExPeRTLy ReCoRdEd By BaShiN' An Old WOoDeN SpOOn AgAiNsT A RuSty RaDiAtoR iN A SoCiAL KhAzI NeAr YoUr MuMs HoUSe... HeRe ArE ThE HoT NeW PiCs FrOm ReV.TwO~SheDs ReCenT SmAsh HiT MTV PoP PaP ViDeO BeIng DaNceD To LiVe oN ToP of ThE PoPs ~
[sea be low...]
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...and moving on swiftly
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[disclaimer] parental adversary condensed ~ contents on this site may vary from what it says actually on the packet.
Malcontents may include the kynde of debased, gratuitous, filthy language more communally asphyxiated with contemporary UK school playgrounds.
Some of the images may also re-offend dunces & halfwits...
...occasional blogs inc. poetyr and so on will moste certainly also contain free-range gratuitous expletives and positive / negative references to various niche market activities... [subject to status]
FoRe ExAmpLe Rev's OriGiNaL THrOwAWay StrApLInE oF "No JoCk StrAp ReQuiReD" re: 1 iN EvErY PiLe Of ChArItY ShoPPe Lp's / WaLL To WaLL CoMmErCiALiSeD PeUriLe PoP~PaP...
...HeRE BeCoMeS TrAnsMoGriFieD InTo ThE MoRe SaliEnt -----
***PaReNtAL GuIdAnCe***
PrOTEcT YoUr chiLdReN FroM BLanDne$$ !
"CoMiNg iN The AiR ToNiGhT"
i$ A $oNg AbOuT Ma$TuRbAtIOn

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MWA... KISSY... KISSY... REV. LOVES YOU ALL...
YES THAT'S RIGHT...
ALL OF HIS FRIENDS ARE HIS TOP FRIENDS...
[well maybe not all of them; in fact some of them [just like you...]are only here to make up the numbers & con you into thinking that
[a] Rev is a popular guy...
[b] ~ to make you all feel that bit more secure about your own puny & increasingly paranoid existence.

..
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}}}--- InTeRLuDe valspar'd... so the colours a much richer than you see here....
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"...$tiLL heRe thEn?..."
"ThiS SiTe ?..."
"It'$ N0 BiG dEaL..."
"UsUaL KaK FrOm a pR0FiLe rAzIn' KrUd'o'MaTiC "My$pAcE" SiTe $LAg Who ExHiBiTs aN ExTrEmELy po0r ALL RoUND GeNeRAL AttItude ToWaRds NeArLy EvErThiNg... HaS SeRioUS Pr0bLem$ wiTh AutH0rIty, PeR$0nAL HyGiENe & S0ciAL Re$P0n$iBILiTy... AThOuGh My In$iDE LeG is 33' don'T Be FoOLeD... It'S Ju$t An0tHeR 0Ne Of ThO$E t0TaLLy DR0$$ & HeAviLY $tYliSEd
I... I... I... Me... Me... Me... mY$PaCe cAbbAge trIp$,... "
Rev.Two-Sheds [sic.] dictated not read
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Due tO ReV.TwO-ShedS' HaBiT Of DeLEtInG It... This iS VeRsioN 5 or 6 of the Rev.Two-sHedS MuZak PoRtaL ... .. . ALSo DuE To a NuMBer oF ReALLy LaMe [and often seriously creepy] CompLaInTs, We'Ve DeCidEd tO CoBBLe ToGetHeR aVeRsiOn oF Rev. TwO-ShedS PreVioUs StupId MySpAcE SiTes... HenCe ThIs MySpAce SiTe iS reALLY JuSt A MiSh MASH Of HTML codes, ImAgES & teXt CoPied FrOm Other SiteS ThAt ReV. HaS PrEvioUsLy DeLeTEd... & AlThOUGh ThIS SiTe iS OffIciALLy APPrOveD By ReV.TwO-ShEdS, He DoEs NoT reAd oR RePLY To mEsSaGes... iN FaCt We Do NoT ALLoW Him To RePLY EsPeCiALLy As He HaS A TeNdeNcY To EnGaGe in AuTo-DesTrUctiVe DiaTriBe anD Send PeOpLe oFF oN WiLd GoRsE ChaStiEs ViA LiNks To NoN-ExiSteNt SiTes SuCh As ThE oNe BeLoW...
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AdVerSe~T'is~MeaNt
FeELiNg...
...WhY nOt ViSiT 'PuTReSSenCe iN ThiS SitEs ToP FriEndS LiStiNg...
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...So AcTuALLy ThEre ReALLy iSn'T A LoT mOrE to ReV.TwO-ShEdS OthEr ThAn ThE FACt THaT He iS A ReAL ReVeREnD & He's GoT TwO ShedS...
He DiDn'T EvEn ThInk Up HiS OwN NaMe...
ReV. TwO-SheDS aS A NaMe WaS InVeNtOrIeD By ADIE SWEET DuRiNg OnE oF HiS MoRe Oft' PiStE HeCkLEs SoMeTiMe DuRinG 2003/4 and hAs SiNcE StUck LiKE GLuE...
So iT's ALL A$ $imPLE A$ ThAt ReALLy...
...most of the other stuff on this site is just flannel to make it look really big and important like a 'Coldplay' site or something like that...
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Usual 'ApProVeD by ReV.TwO-ShEdS' portal introductory diatribe as follows...
If YoU HaVE 1,000's oF MySpAcE FriEnD$, YoU ArE VeRy UnLiKeLy To Be AcCepTeD As A FiEnD oN ThI$ $iTe If YoU $eNd A FriEnD ReQuE$t ...
BuT YoU CoULd TRY HErE InStEAd ReV TwO~ShEdS ULtRa APPrOpRiaTe TeMpORaRY HoArDiNg
... MaYbE WoRtH A TrY We S'PoSe... BuT UlTimAtELy It WoULD PRoBaBLY StiLL Be a CoMpLEtE & UtTeR wA$te Of TiME... So iF We weRE YoU, We'd Cut OuR LoSSe$ & CLEaR oFF To SoMEwHeRE ElSe InSteAd...
"1,2,3... GRaSp Y'KiN AcTiVe LiPoZoMeS... PHWoAR Eh !.. WoRrA LoRRA ToP~PoP VaLuE... jiZZ~TasTiC !... PrOpEr HigH EnD HaNd JerK ShAndY MaTeRiAL..." Rev.Two-Sheds
"InNiT... "
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One of the audio tracks on this page is called 'TEDS' and is performed by
DOS~ALORES CALIBRATOS
if it's not audible here it's because it's been deleted by Rev.Two-Sheds
anyway
if it is audible ~ here's some info ~
'TEDS' as a poem already exists in variant forms, but the patrticular version here with musical accompanyment is wholly one off 1st take musical improvisation... and is the very first time DoS ALoReS CaLiBrAtoS met and played as an ensemble...
'DOS ALORES CALIBRATOS'
'Dos Alores Calibratos' is a sometimes live mixture of ersatzo~regurgative and impoverished poetry, variance proseys & music that occasionally kicks off now and again here and there, in and around the South East & beyond etcetera...
The following description has been extracated from missives sent to us from Rev. on old beer mats and scraps of paper...
"The 'D0$ ALoRe$ CaLiBrAt0$' personel is follows :
BERNIE "The Bolt" HOLDEN :
ba$$ clarinet / $ax'o'phone / clarinet sauvage~non..."
"DAVID 'The Cruze" CRUZE
acoust-o-matic egg slicer, eclectro-acoustic gutter & eclectrique guitaros sur la mesa boogie on up daddio... "
ReV. TwO~sHedS "Sale now on !..." Typical example 6x8 only £179.95" TWO-SHEDS
languished ephemera with garralous verbosity inc. common high velocity incoming etceteroid variants...
As Previously striated ~ The accompanyment on 'Teds' is bass clarinet & acoustic guitar...
...this track may also appear on the forthcoming LP 'Dos~Alores Calibratos Maximus Muchachos' which may/may not be finished soon... the music is improvised with no rehearsal, and most of the poetries are already scribbled out on old strips of wallpaper and cereal packets, so the LP should only take about 45 minutes or so to record, and so we'll keep you posted...
A 'Dos Alores Calibratos' myspace might also be built... but probably not...
meanwhile here's a close up of Bernie's hooter...
[this image has been temporarily removed by the trustees for renovation]
nice...
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WeLL HeLLo TheRe... AgAin...
at LeAsT YouR PerSiSteNt...
*
GenErAL PortAL InFo: ~
Rev. Two-Sheds i$ a whole Reverend [not halved or crunched]...
He unreservedly offers the full range of extremely innappropriate & non-denominational shed blessing services for both the sheddist epicure, and casual shed user alike ... check your lo.cal. trouser~press for details.
[nb. ~ no 'approved' poetry on this site...]
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BoReD ALReAdY ?... [what are you like...]
why click on the link below for a direct link to this site
ReV TwO~ShEdS ULtRa APPrOpRiaTe TeMpORaRY HoArDiNg
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No snaylz were harmed during to making of this adverse-t'is-meant.... [sea bellow..]
$AY YE$ TO NO MORE BUM TRIP$ NOW !
with
REV. TWO-SHEDS IMPERIAL & patented £.$.d. IMPREGNATED
TOILET PAPER...
[ each sheet contains one sixth abysmal amount of added organic
snail slime to halt any further advancement of your wrinkly arses... ]
[ Ecktokrom of Eric the BaRkInG SpiDeR ~ Rev.Two-Sheds]

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ThIs BiT HeRe CoNtAiNed SoMe OLD InFoTaInMEnT CaBBaGe & OLD SpRouTs StYLiseD CrEDiBiLiTy W*Nk DiAtrIbE ReGArDinG Rev. TwO~ShEDs ExPErImEnTaL & CoLLaBoRaTiVe EtHoS ToWaRd Mu$iC / pOEtRy / FiLM.... EtCeTeRa
FoLLoWeD By a ShOrT PiEce oF FiLM [thiS imagE / FiLM HaS BeEn TeMpoRaRaRArARaRaRaRiLY WiThDrAwn By ThE tRuSSeD T's FoR ResToratIoN PoRpoisE$...]
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ReV. TwO~sHedS mi$$ion $tAtEmEaNt...
"BoNo'$ EviL P0P~StAr CoNsPiRaCy of R0BoT $PaCE ALieN$ FroM BeHiND ThE MO0n HaVe LoDgED UnClAiMEd $1,000,000 DoLLaR$ In A SeCREt TaRtAn ThErMo$ FLAsK WiTh YoUR NAmE On It Up MY ArT$ CoUNCiL... My ULTRa~MaGiC caLLiNg$ T0 Go On VERY MAnY SUpEr~SpEciAL TrIp$ To ReAcH REALLY AuThEnTiC NiRvAnA MErChAnDi$e ArE NoW On Ri$k~0~mAtiC DeF-Con 1 WiTh LiTTLE SpAnGLEy BiT$ ThAt LOok aLL kiNda LikE reALLy WeIRd & gLo0Py...
PLEA$E HeLp iN ThiS... My ViTaL WoRk...
uSeD £.S.d. [$MaLL DeN0MiNaTi0ns OnLY pLeA$e] ...
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PLEaSe SeNd yOuR eNtRy (cRaYOn OnLY) oN A PoStCaRd To oUr 'DoGGeR BaNk' oFfIceS... To aVIoD cOnFUscIOuS pLeAsE mAkE sUrE yOU Mark ThE eNTrY 'mAmmOtH cOMp..' (jUdGeS dEcIsIOn IS fINaL... No Co-ReSpOnDaNts WiLL Be EntErEd InTo... No TuNdRa oR FeeD SuPpLiEd... No CaSh AlTerNaTiVe...ThE pOSTAL aDdREsS iS oN ThE rEvERsE OF tHiS pAgE... )
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[ReV.TwO-ShEdS Disclaimer: Jeeeeeeeeeeeez.... Get a LiFe... ThIs not the real F'KiN Rev.Two-Sheds... StRoLL On...
[ This site IS NOT a RE-PLAY MUSIC FESTIVAL site either...
Although the real Rev. Two-Sheds / doS AlorE$ MuZaK or whatever he's currently calling himself at the moment, is aware of this dro$$ myspace site... he/she/it doesn't actually give a a flyin' frock in a rustin' wing~nut about it or any of it's contents... nor do we forward any messages on to Rev.Two-Sheds because he is a totally uninterested complete wagner, and never replies to anyone...]
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
here now as follows is the the usual standard obligatory diatribe section aimed at making the 'owner' of the site seem urbane and sophisticated...
"I... R2S [ a.k.a. Rev. Two-Sheds sic ], care not one moment for the 'The Dept. of Guilt by Association' and of such rabid intolerances... and just 'cos I don't agree with some stuff... and just 'cos I know what to say over bolleauxvants and sh*tty white wine to media $lag$... well... it sure as hell don't mean that I ain't just another a*S*hole too... "
R2S
"Proponants of language witchhunts / P.C. onanism and muck raking myopian utopias,... the herding hermits of credibility couture and networkesque posturama may fair better elsewhere... "
R2S
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"All allusions of intelligence; metered by the erudite, and wielded as righteous cudgels of sophistry with which to embase their paradigmically braying nonsense of superiority and duplicitous benevolence into others, never the once want to recognise, that it is oft' the most socially excluded and inarticulate among us all, who often not only see things more clearly, but also speak of higher truths..."
R2S
InNiT GoV...
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[this section has been temporarily removed by the tru$$tee$ for restoration] so here is [possibly though not guaranteed] a you~tube for the 16th annual outsider art fair instead...
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random general quotation section...
" The dissection of a sentence is as bad a way to the understanding of it, as the dissection of a beast to the biography of it."
Ruskin
Letters that should never have been written and ought immediately to be destroyed are the only ones worth keeping.
Sydney Tremayn
Music of all the arts, has the greatest influence over the passions, and the legislator ought to give it the greatest encouragement.
Napoleon Bonaparte
"La musique seule est d'une noble inutilite, et c'est pour cela qu'elle nous emeut si profundment; plus elle est loinde tout but, plus elle se rapproche de cette source intime de nos pensees que le application a un objet quelcoque resreve dans son cours." -
- Music alone is nobly utilitatarian, and that is why it moves us so profoundly: the further it is removed from serving any purpose, the nearer it approaches that inner spring of our thought which the application to any object whatever hampers it's course...
Mme. de Stael
Gierighied ist neit verzagdigd voor zijd den mond vol aarde heeft ...
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Greed is never satisfied until it's mouth is filled with earth.
Dutch proverb
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
other crap...
This 'ReV.TWoT~ShuSd Muzak~KaK' myspace sh*te site [or whatever else it is now currently calling itself ], is brother/sister site to some of his other crap myspace portals & is sponsored by:~
Rev. Two-Sheds B&B...
... all rooms are CCTV monitored for your own protection, regulary fumigated & come with mini bar...
ReV TwO-ShEdS B&B also contains its OwN Private de~consecrated chapel with plastic accroutments...
[cost £75 per night per person]
All rooms have local council noise abatement orders, sticky carpets, silverfish, cracked crockery & are caked in filth...
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ReV.TwO-Sheds also suggests that "if you love music,why not give something back..." click on RE-PLAY MUSIC FESTIVAL in top friends here on this site and add it to your top friends list...
RE-PLAY MUSIC FESTIVAL is 100% non profit and recycles musical instruments... for more info visit Re-Play in the kids field at Glastonbury Festival...
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Rev. has also asked us to include the following banner on this site
Please click on the banner [below] add it to your top myspace friends listing...
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