I am not Mormon and I have no official affiliation with the LDS Church. My first name is Mormon.
Mormon Santa's Blog Index:
The Road to '08:
BIG ANNOUNCEMENT: Yes, I am exploring the Presidential Exploratory Committee option
PRESIDENTIAL POLL: Do I have the "MORMENTUM"?
Revelations, Teachings & Things:
Mormon Santa's PREDICTIONS FOR 2007!
A selection of Quipture that fell from the mouth of Mormon Santa
Not a Joiner?
Mormon Santa: A God Who "Gets It"
Q&A/Surveys/Polls:
"How well do I know me...? [SURVEY]"
POLL: "Who do you think tried to kill Mormon Santa?"
Q&A: "We have to wear the Sacred Silvery Shielding Napkin
all the time? REALLY???"
SURVEY: Mormon Santa Gets Personal
Q&A: "No Coke?"
5 Frequently Asked Questions(FAQs) about Mormon Santa
5 MORE FAQs about Mormon Santa (SOME DUPS)
Top Ten Reasons Why Mormon Santa Would Make a Great F**k Buddy
Sacred Blogs:
The Book of Blog (Episode I)
The Holy Days:
The Blog of Resolutions
YULE LOG O' LUV
Sing along with Mormon Santa!
Mrs. Mormon Santa's Holy Day Nog & Cookies Recipe
Preparations and Rituals:
Making Waffles with SitePal Mormon Santa: Step 1 (of 5)
Making Waffles with SitePal Mormon Santa: Step 2 (of 5)
Making Waffles with SitePal Mormon Santa: Step 3 (of 5)
Making Waffles with SitePal Mormon Santa: Step 4 (of 5)
Making Waffles with SitePal Mormon Santa: Step 5 (of 5)
Dry Pack Canning: No-Nonsense Tips, Techniques, & More Tips!
MORMON SANTA'S DOWNTIME REQUIREMENTS
Mormon Santa In the News:
BIG ANNOUNCEMENT: Yes, I am exploring the Presidential Exploratory Committee option
'Miraculous' Image of Mormon Santa Appears on Penis
My MySpace Issues:
I WAS HACKED!!!
HEY! Do I look GAY???
Seriously, does this look CANCEROUS?
MORMON SANTA'S CURRENT MYSPACE PROFILE PIC (WIFF NEW GOLD TOOF) AVERAGE RATING SCORE
MORMON SANTA'S CURRENT MYSPACE PROFILE PIC (WIFF GOLD TOOF & NOG STACHE) AVERAGE RATING SCORE
Party Blogs/Games:
I have 161,130,432 people in my MySpace network, so let's count to 161,130,432!
YOUR FUNNIEST MYSPACE SCREENSHOTS!
HEY MYFRIENDS! MORMON SANTA SEZ: MAKE-OUT PAR-TAAAY!!!
Web, HTML, Tech:
"MORMON SANTA'S MORMON MERMEN FROM MORLOB THE MOOOOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Multimedia/Video/Podcasts:
Embed and Spread!
FIRST EVER LIVE INTERACTIVE PODCAST ON MYSPACE!
Writing and Poetry:
we'll all be bald (a poem)
gel (another poem, for Poegasm)
Band Updates:
MORMON SANTA IS FORMING A BAND!
Are the rumors true...?
Shout outs & Pimpage:
Tagging is wanky (for Li'l Billy)
MERRY XMAS KUDOS TO ALL!
Something With Supper (a poem)
Investment Opportunities:
Mormon Santa Needs Investors for New Million Dollar Idea!
Who is Mormon Santa?
Born John Osiris St. Germain in pre-Atlantean Primordia--now Utah--this dapper demiurge changed his name to Mormon in 2001, the technical millenium, at the time claiming to be the same secret love child of Donny and Marie Osmond that he had himself snidely prophesized only the previous day.
On the next day, he succeeded the Christian Santa as the result of an electoral technicality and ritual beheading, and quickly earned a reputation as a rather belligerent and ecclesiastically inept deity following his institution of thirty-two new commandments, including the wildly unpopular: "No more free home delivery of any free shit!"
Sometime around the winter solstice of 2003, a "5" year (indicating Personal Growth and/or Weight Gain), Mormon Santa's lifeless body was discovered in his shower. The official cause of death was listed as acute lathering. In a note found stapled to his teeth, he granted total absolution for all sins past and future to those with last names beginning in a B, H, L, R, S, U or W. Three days later he was resurrected, but sadly by then existence had lost much of its luster for him.
Mormon Santa speaks all European languages fluently (albeit silently), has an encyclopedic knowledge of the hidden Illuminati symbolism that appears on all the Hollywood celebrities' body tattoos and--for a modest contribution--will channel the drunken karaoke performances of an alien entity known as Moonstarman.
He is perhaps most famous for his amazing skills in alchemy, especially for transmuting derivative religious parody into useless web content and then vanishing immediately in a multicolored flash powder cloud.
