Helen Hong profile picture

Helen Hong

I'm Irish... don't I look it?

About Me

I love it when people ask me "Where are you from?" and I say "New York" and they say "No, where are you REALLY from???" I know they want me to say the name of some Asian country like Japan or Korea. Instead I just stab them in the eye with a chopstick and scream "I'm from the Land of Deadly Chopsticks, you evil Round Eye!" And then I shuffle away like a dainty geisha. Check out my website to learn more of my adorable habits: www.HelenHong.com

My Interests

Plotting to steal people's dogs. No, not to eat, silly! To love and to cherish, of course! They don't taste that great anyway...

I'd like to meet:

Madonna, Oprah, Conan O'Brian, Will Ferrell, Jack Black, anyone that wants to buy me a car.

Music:

Madonna, now and 4-eva! The Smiths, Pixies, Depeche Mode, The Cure. Jackson 5 and Michael Jackson (before he became a pedophile). Postal Service, The Shins, Johnny Cash. Yes, I listen to Z100, so what??? Everybody has to have a little Beyonce and Justin Timberlake in their lives...

Movies:

Strictly Ballroom, Moulin Rouge, Zoolander, Team America, Anchorman, Elf, Nacho Libre, Little Miss Sunshine, Gone with the Wind. Swept Away starring Madonna! It's so underrated, it f'ing RULES!

Television:

SCRUBS! I heart Zach Braff. Project Runway, Grey's Anatomy, Entourage. I don't own a television, I'm just guessing...

Books:

Romance novels. Anything with a dude named "Thor", a chick named "Lalaina" and the phrase "heaving breasts." Mmm... heaving breasts...

Heroes:

Margaret Cho, cuz she's hilarious and a fearless pioneer. Conan cuz he really commits to the funny. All the great comics who have me laughing my ass off at the clubs. All the older comics who have ever taken me under their wing with advice and a helping hand.

My Blog

Guys! Stop the skinny jean madness!

OK, skinny jeans are bad enough for women.  There are three women who look good in them: Kate Moss and a couple of Brazilian chicks.  There is almost nothing worse than seeing a slightly chu...
Posted by Helen Hong on Wed, 03 Jan 2007 04:03:00 PST

Gimme my damn penny!

Since when is it okay for store cashiers to not give you your penny back as change?  If I'm buying something that's 99 cents, and I give you a dollar, I want my damn penny back, bitch.  Are ...
Posted by Helen Hong on Sat, 30 Dec 2006 04:37:00 PST

Why is stinky shit a character flaw?

Why is having stinky shit considered a character flaw?  I'm sitting in a coffee shop right now and I went into the bathroom and WHEW!  There was some eye-watering funk in there!  I held...
Posted by Helen Hong on Sat, 30 Dec 2006 04:14:00 PST