Hairy Melon - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Get this video and more at MySpace.comI'm 4D, that's not my cup size. I'm a single mother living in the projects of Austin raising my three tri-racial kids from 3 daddies. I work for Capital Metro and I hate my job drawing bus routes. I like to make people laugh. So, I got a wild hair up my ass and decided to write sketch comedy and do stand-up at Capitol City Comedy on Open Mic nights. I like ice cream and I just found out today on a personality test it means I like to hord the remote control. That is not me. I don't even watch TV. I knew I should have picked carrot cake. I like my Shih Tzu and probably come very close to being a caninophile. But I'm really not that weird. I like sex with real Dicks, but that seem to be the story of my life. So, until I meet another one, I'm ok with the malleable plastic I have affectionately called Bruce. My best and worst asset is loyalty. I'm working this out with my dog.

My Interests

Politics, international people, good food, good wine, sking, traveling, laying on a beach, dancing, how could I forget, comedy, writing, and making people laugh.

I'd like to meet:

Intelligent, funny people. People who like to be silly. People who take their goals seriously, but not themselves. Civilly, competitive people. That might be an oxymoron, but who knows. I don't know. People who are genuinely nice and humane.Guys- Ok. The statement is who I'd like to meet, not who I will meet. I'd like to meet a man that looked like Ralph Fiennes, had the silliness of Robin Williams or John Clease, and the intelligence and charisma of Bill Clinton. Yep, that's it.

Music:

Anything but whiney Country. However, I like Patsy Cline and Willie Nelson, Faith, Indigo Girls, Dixie Chicks.

Movies:

Favorite moviesTerms of Endearment Coming Home When Harry Met Sally Something Has Got to Give Birdcage Andre A Little Romance As Good As It Gets Mighty Aphrodite Bruce Almighty Bringing Down the House Animal House Blue Lagoon Endless Love (this definitely peaked my interest in pursuing the Penis as Krista would state) Any Woody Allen Movie Vietnam Meet the Fockers Beaches Any Mel Brooks There are more....

Television:

Mork and Mindy Friends Cheers Frazier Third Rock from the Son Thirty Going on Something Once Again The OC Friends Sex and the the City SNL In Living Color Comedy Central Most stuff on BBC (Love Hyicinth and the Viccar) Sienfeld Unsolved Mysteries NYPD Law and Order (the original)

Books:

Anything Herman Hesse My Life by Hillary Clinton He's Just Not Into You Living Buddha, Living Christ

Heroes:

Princess Diana Audrey Hepburn Jane Fonda Ghandi Martin Luther King Katherine Hepburn Natalie Merchant Gilda Radner Molly Shannon Michael Moore

My Blog

I know this is in poor taste, but

if anyone does a documentary on the Congress Ave. Serial Bird Killer, the soundtrack song needs to be "Blackbird". Blackbirds falling in the dead of night..... Maybe it should be a CSI episode. MH...
Posted by Hairy Melon on Mon, 08 Jan 2007 01:13:00 PST

I Hate Stupid Headlines

I hate stupid headlines! According to the Associated Press, Scotland Yard "officially" declared Alexander Litvinenko's death murder. Well, no shit Sherlock! Was there ever any doubt? Ok. Let's give th...
Posted by Hairy Melon on Tue, 12 Dec 2006 10:20:00 PST

Log Cabin Republicans

Posted by Hairy Melon on Fri, 03 Nov 2006 12:56:00 PST

Within Austin City Limits

Within Austin City LimitsbyMary Helen McCarthyOctober 25, 2006 It was Thursday. For all intents and purposes, the week was over. Austin City Limits, known to many as simply ACL, was starting on Friday...
Posted by Hairy Melon on Thu, 02 Nov 2006 07:38:00 PST

Parenting Solution

This mother has it going on. I have found my solution for my children when they push me over my limits. Please comment! Poster reads, "Hi.!! I'm 13 years old. I steal. I want to go to prison t...
Posted by Hairy Melon on Thu, 17 Aug 2006 11:59:00 PST

Check this out!

The advantage of being Chinese THIS IS BRILLIANT!!! If you cannot decipher anything, then try pulling the corner of your eyes as if you were Chinese.It works! ...
Posted by Hairy Melon on Tue, 27 Jun 2006 12:16:00 PST

Chick Schtick on June 26, 2006

Why don't they have a comedy category? Anyway, last night, I participated in Chick Schtick. It was so much fun. All the ladies were hilarious.Great crowd too. I can't really judge myself, but based on...
Posted by Hairy Melon on Tue, 27 Jun 2006 09:53:00 PST

McDonalds

So, today I go to McDonalds with my children. We are at the drive thru. Everyone except my 9 year old orders their food. I proceed to ask for 2 plain hamburgers. Across the screen, I see 2 cheeseburge...
Posted by Hairy Melon on Sun, 25 Jun 2006 05:45:00 PST

Hedonism I Austin, Texas - A Weekend to Remember

Well, Well, Well! What can I say, but thank you to all who attended the Toga Party. I was very psyched about the party prior to launch, but never knew it would be as successful as it turned out. The o...
Posted by Hairy Melon on Mon, 19 Jun 2006 09:16:00 PST

So how old is he

Yesterday, I heard that our perilous leader and president screwed up yet another time. While being interviewed, a journalist said he had a couple questions. The journalist was wearing dark shades. The...
Posted by Hairy Melon on Thu, 15 Jun 2006 05:29:00 PST