Disgruntled Stormtrooper

I guess I should start by thanking you for visiting my page, lord knows why you've bothered though because after all I'm no one special, I'm not one of your favourite Star Wars icons. Oh no, I'm just your average Stormtrooper. The guy that gets stuck at the back of the shot to make up the numbers. The guy with no lines, no cool scenes, no interaction with the 'real actors'. Hell, I didn't even get given a blaster! That's right folks, I'm so low down the Imperial chain of command I got squat but a beat up second hand looking set of armour and a helmet that smelt like some wookie had taken a leak in it.
Just call me a disgruntled Stormtrooper with a major chip on his shoulder!
Ever since the fall of the Empire times have been tough. With the death of the Emperor and Big D there was no one to take control, no one to lead the few of us that survived and most of all no one to pay our wages so many of us went our separate ways in search of new employment.
Advertising Among my many money making attempts I've dabbled in the advertising world and hooked up with successful advertising agency, or so I thought, and you may have seen my face plastered across a billboard near you. This was yet another short lived venture as it seems company executives have a problem with a guy who once travelled the universe killing for a living promoting their products. Think outside the box people! Sheesh!
Here are a couple of my more successful add campaigns you may recognise.
I'd just like to add I do not endorse smoking, I just needed the money at the time. Plus the free samples helped my personal addiction. Ahhhhhh welcome to Marlboro country.
Employment My first job as a regular joe was at my local Burger King but sadly it didn't last long. The company had a real problem obtaining a hairnet large enough to fit over my helmet.
There was my short lived stint as a Hooters girl but that's enough said about that one really...
After that I embarked on a career in coffee retail and sunk all my savings in a franchise with Starbucks. Times were good for a while until I decided to introduce the Death Star sized beverage. Who'd of thought the amount of coffee beans required for such a cup would bankrupt me in a matter of minutes. Live and learn I guess.
After that little venture I've been left with a deep hatred and fear of Starbucks and it's every growing chain.
Next I decided to move west and grab some Californian sun working the beautiful beaches. It sounded like a perfect way to work with the public providing a valuable service and also work on my tan, after all stark white gets a little bland in the summer months. Once again though this career didn't last long and I've learnt that it's bloody hard to swim in standard issue trooper armour. The death of that swimming party from the local nunnery will haunt me for many many years.
There was also my short lived stint as a used car salesman.
Things really took off and the cars we're flying out of the lot but unfortunately the Chrysler dealership down the road closed me down after an altercation over one of my advertising slogans.
"Jedis wouldn't be seen dead in a Jeep.
Follow your destiny and visit Slick Stormie""
They were just being petty if you ask me.
There have been many other failures in the employment sector I'm sorry to report but I manage to scrape a living washing windshields or doing odd jobs for my neighbours. I guess those years emptying the trash compactor on the Death Star paid off in the end.
Sporting I've once again found myself with too much free time since the acting and singing offers have once again dried up *sigh* but maybe my place in the employment sector lies in the professional sporting arena?
I was recently contacted by a sporting agent in the big apple who'd heard of my mediocre success in the public spotlight and was looking for a new gimmick in his field. Well gimmick or not, if there's a paycheque involved I'm interested!
The New York Knicks kindly took me under their wing...
Who says white men can't jump!
Also in NYC I fulfilled a clonehood ambition to set foot on Yankee Stadium and donned the famous grey shirt...
Kinda hard to spot runners on the bases with the helmet on though so their looking in to other positions for me.
There have been many other recent sporting challenges for me so watch this space as they say *wink*
Media In recent months my new found popularity has attracted the attention of the worlds media and it seems I'm hot property with the press!
These are just some examples of the many publications you can expect to see on the shelves soon featuring in-death articles with yours truly...