H. Futter (Futter's Child) - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Normality exists only from the perspective of the perceiver... I AM PERFECTLY NORMAL. Friendly, caring, living this freaky thing we call life with compassion and a desire to spread a little more love around.

I'm currently employed as a nanny to a beautiful but challenging child named Horrace for whom I do my utmost to care. The years appear not to affect Horrace in the same way as other babies: Three years since I began caring for him, he remains totally unchanged in appearance, demeanour and nappies. Having not seen his parents since they both hurriedly "popped out for a pint of milk" in 2003, I'm beginning to get a little concerned.

STRANGELY, MANY PEOPLE LIKE TO PAY ME MONEY TO SHOW UP AT THEIR FESTIVAL/GIG/CELEBRATION/PROMOTIONAL EVENT ETC. ETC. AND DO NOTHING BUT BE MYSELF.
MASQUERADING AS A 'WALKABOUT MIME ARTIST' I CALL MY 'ACT' "FUTTER'S CHILD". TAKE A PEEP AT MY VIDEO on this site or visit STUFFANDTHINGS.CO.UK/futter.htm

As Horrace's parents haven't been heard of for some time the money thus gained is put towards embalming fluid and rusks.
My steam-driven computing device is well built but can be a little slow. I don't profess to be an expert at working it but will endeavour to visit this cobweb site to check on captured flies from time to time...
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My Interests

Street Theatre
STUFFANDTHINGS.CO.UK/futter.htm

I'd like to meet:

Anybody who considers themselves 'normal' despite those around them pointing and giggling

Goths goths and more GOTHS

Fans of all things warped and depravedStreet theatre booking agents, Festival/events organisers, in fact ANYONE wishing to contribute towards embalming fluid and rusks...

Music:

Musical taste swings wildly from the Residents and Tom Waits to Cheesy Hawaiian and Hammond organ music...

Movies:

Rosemary's Baby, The Omen, any Tim Burton

Television:

errr... What's television?

Books:

Anything by Dr. Spock

Heroes:

Gunter Von Hagen

My Blog

Is this normal behaviour for a child?

Horrace is now sleeping soundly... Much of the night he spent playing with the bats. He has learnt to make the most incredibly high-pitched squeals that must interfere with their echolocation naviga...
Posted by H. Futter (Futter's Child) on Sun, 23 Sep 2007 03:11:00 PST

Stain removal

Horrace has spent the day in an unusually quiet and torpid state, but I am relieved to report his flatulence has finally eased. We had no choice but to endure a veritable arctic gale overnight a...
Posted by H. Futter (Futter's Child) on Fri, 27 Apr 2007 01:54:00 PST

Global Warming - do your bit, PLEASE

Tis with withering countenance that I must report that Horrace has developed the most evil flatulence as a direct result of my attempts to economise. The REFF (Rusk and Embalming Fluid Fund) is ebbing...
Posted by H. Futter (Futter's Child) on Sat, 07 Apr 2007 08:14:00 PST

Book us - we're available!

Well our subterranian sojourn was an unmitigated success. A great deal was learnt and there was no loss of limb - although my eyebrows have yet to regrow...One unfortunate (literally unFORT...
Posted by H. Futter (Futter's Child) on Sun, 25 Mar 2007 02:41:00 PST

experimentation...

February is always a 'special' time for me...2007 is no exception. Horrace and I have a month of experimentation ahead. I won't go into detail - it would be unethical - suffice to say we shall barrica...
Posted by H. Futter (Futter's Child) on Fri, 02 Feb 2007 04:47:00 PST

Another year begins...

So it's now 2007 - this means we are officially way into the future. Whatever happened to living in the present? I remember the present with much fondness though my memories may be clouded by the acce...
Posted by H. Futter (Futter's Child) on Thu, 04 Jan 2007 09:24:00 PST

Music

One of the connection leads from my antique computing device became detached recently and spilled a heap of ones and noughts onto the parquet. Never one to waste, I swept them up and then spent some d...
Posted by H. Futter (Futter's Child) on Thu, 30 Nov 2006 02:18:00 PST

The Aging Process

Greetings fellow mortals.I think the time is nigh to share with you all the wisdom of Bob Bob, lead vocalist and humanatone player with the cult country band Stetson Drugs... SHIT, I'M NEARLY FORTY&nb...
Posted by H. Futter (Futter's Child) on Tue, 21 Nov 2006 02:48:00 PST

IS THE WORLD READY FOR FUTTER?

Greetings Mortals and WELCOME to H. Futter's Space.I really must admit that this wizardry leaves me a trifle baffled. I have visited this cobweb three times since signing up and I've not caught a sing...
Posted by H. Futter (Futter's Child) on Tue, 14 Nov 2006 12:52:00 PST