BOB DOBBS CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS
The World Ends Tomorrow and YOU MAY DIE!...Well, no, probably not...but whatever you do, just keep reading!ARE WE CONTROLLED BY SECRET FORCES? ARE ALIEN SPACE MONSTERS BRINGING A STARTLING NEW WORLD? DO PEOPLE THINK YOU'RE STRANGE? DO YOU?? ...THEN YOU MAY BE ON THE RIGHT TRACK!"Unpredictables" are not alone and possess amazing hidden powers of their own! Are You Abnormal? YES! YOUR KIND SHALL TRIUMPH!If you are what they call "different"... If you think we're entering a new Dark Ages... If you see the universe as one vast morbid sense of humor... If you are looking for an inherently bogus religion that will condone superior degeneracy and tell you that you are "above" everyone else... If you can help us with a donation...Then THE CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS could save your sanity!"You'd PAY to know what you REALLY think." --Dobbs 1961 FEELING LIKE THERE'S JUST NO SLACK? You may have 'Snapped' already from the information disease! ("The sleep of reason begets monsters.") The Church of the SubGenius recognizes the programming! Look to the High Unpredictables of the Church of the SubGenius for pancultural deprogramming and resynchronization! Perfect your subliminal vision -- edit your memory -- relive your reincarnality! SYNC UP!This is the original Time Control program that has helped thousands to fear no longer the STARK FIST of REMOVAL.Become PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE... overnight!Now you, too, can speak to benevolent aliens at the Alter of X-ist Contact. Learn Frame Straightening, Body Repair, Gripe Elaboration, FunKQu, Frenzy Techniques, Excremeditation, the Essentials of Survival and TIME CONTROL. Attettd End O' The World Drills and Chance Labs. Learn to 'Tenlike. Evaluate the so-called "accidents" and "coincidences" in your timestream. Perform long, complicated rites of initiation and rituals of Communionication. Accullate yourself to the Church, where you will be isolated, given a new diet, a new set of habits, and an altered label and appearance. The new void in your bran-pan will be refilled with corrected info and subconsciously implanted ritual experiences. Follow your FOLLIES and COMPULSIONS and become rich like us. Explore the "Zen" of stupidity! Channel chronic procrastination into life-saving paranoia and precise anatityl MAKE WASTE!! Find out who your Personal Saviors may be and who are the False Prophets in your life!YES, YOU MAY BE THE SUBGENIUS, MASTER OF THE STOOGLEY ARTS! Perform the Salute!
IF YOUR NOT SAVED THERE IS STILL TIME recive Salvation, Membership, Ordainment $30 is a small price to pay for "BOB's" love.. www.cafeshops.com/subgen And if you dont know how to cut and paste i envy you... but you are lost... when you have sent your money... Pray...... "BOB. I admit i am a sinner. I need you. Excuse all my sins. I brag them all to you right now. I know you can, and will, come up with excuses for them. I belive on you, "BOB." I accept you now into my heart as my main Short Duration Personal Savior, for now. Thanks, "BOB" for hearing a sinners prayer and for the gift ofeternal Slack that you have just now given me. My check for $30 is in the mail. Amen."
Bondage and Discipline, Devangelistic Crusades, Memory Editing, Negative Cutting, Sleeve Jobs, Psychometry, Poison Escapes, Ouija Dominance Training, Body Repair, Conspiracy Infiltration, TV Ministry, Whupping (Crop, Quirt, Taws, Knout, Etc..), Tent Meetings, Seances, High Heels, Poop Dog Hats, Freelance Thaumaturgy, Immaculate Effectuation, Healing, Curses, Spells, Hexes, Vexes, Acubeating, Glandscaping, Pill Testing, Alien Contact, Necromantic Potions, Launching Evaluation, Beyondthepaleontology Research, Random Alert Factoring, Chicken Entrails, Handwriting Analysis, Tantric Deviational Technology, Enochian Workings, Eleusinian Rites, 5=6=999 Rituals, Sacrificial Knife-Wielding & Levitation, Ecclesiae Gnosticae Dobbsanicae Missa Pyroflatulant Divination, Adult Fire Walking, TechnoMagic Talismans, Fetishes, Amulets, Industrial Sales Predictions, Felching & Color Therapy, Nasoscriptology & Noosecubeating, Telepathetic Communication, Sexhurt Enchantments, Bewitchments, Holistic Brainwatching, Psychic Psyurgery, Invoking Dread Powers of Earth, Water, Fire & Air, French Prescriptions, Virtual Memory Loss,
Answers & Miracles, Radical Head Realignment, Gospel Missions, Radio Outreach, Frame Straightening, Youth Counseling, Nipple and Genital Piercing Charms, Home for Slackless Children,