Buck F.

Kudos and Credentials:
- Midwestern Pan-Substance ‘Rasslin’ Champion Against Women 18 - 24, to Date: BBQ Sauce (2), Mud, Shaving Cream, Blood, Cocoa
- Master of the Bad Touch
- Bwana Dick
- Choice of Choosy Moms (Hang Low Sweet Hairy Nuts)
- Hellbilly Werewolf Pirate
- Inventor of the ‘Pabst-Smir’
- All-Around Good Time
- Drunker Than You
- “Fucking” *is* my middle name
- Purveyor of Surrealestate
- Evictee (2nd Layer of Hell)
- When they made me, I fucked the mold! (Feels good, don’t it Jimi?!?)
- Citizen of the World
Aliases and Titles:
- The Kink of Rock N Roll
- Elvis Fucking Christ
- Thingfish
- Baberaham F. Drincoln
- Oral B
- The Buckaneer
- Marquis de Mammory
- El Queso Rey
- Il Roi de Fromage
- Das Cheezenkaiser
- The Bishop of Boink
- Tit-Man-Kummin’ I
- The Albatrosstitute
- The ½ Ton Pick-Up
- The Keganator
- The Emperor of Drunktown (contested)
- Barmen (first class)
- Secretary of Steak
- Minister of the Posterior (retired)
- Grandmaster of Fuck
- the Midwestern Contradiction
- Emperor in Charge of Business Cookies
- The Human Oddity
- The Dirty Dragon
- The Binary Gorilla
photo by the deviant
Quotes:
“You’re the guy other guys are afraid to do guy stuff around, aren’t you?” -- some kid at a party when he wouldn’t take a shot
"the buck you're seeing tonight is NOT the same buck who may or may not have murdered mac and muff graham on a deserted island in the book AND THE SEA WILL TELL" -- Rachel Simpson
“now then, i met guys like Buck whilst in the pokey in rosarita, meh-hee-ko. they usually had been lookin' surly around them 20dollar watch-me-fuck-a-horse events, and got thrown in with us hardened-types on account o' tryin not to scare the tourists. story i heard about Buck was he got caught runnin outta one o' them joints with a pony costume tied around his waist and a mask pilfered from the Eqqus stables under his arm. whinny on mien fruend.” -- Rod the Love Mechanic
“Didn't I see you in the Vomitorium last night?” -- Domitian, Emperor of Rome
“Want to know something? Nothing goes better with a cold PBR than some ass spanking from BFN. I would know...I was there. Bring on the belts!” -- Taylor James, Bitch!
“buck brings pbr wherever he goes at 2:00 in the morning...my personal hero...whatcha' doin' tonight captain beer-size cooler???” -- Gilana Alpert (R.I.P.)
“mad respect, man.emphasis on the mad...why, you ask?because you, my friend, do more without pants than most people do all day.see you around the playground.”-- Jimmy Z (of the Strawdog Family)
“son of a mother fuckin whorey bitch who can't read good!” -- Nikki Seven
“drunaked” -- Lauren Braun
“You Nakeds are pretty sexy people... And no, I don't think you're handsome...” -- Bubbles (TPB)
“you're everything that a big bad wolf could want....” -- Nicole the Bruce
“That Buck's THE shit man!!!” -- Jack Daniels
“my dearie jeeebus.... you are such a dick.” -- Lorilee Leopard
“Viscous. Like Clover honey.” -- Chesh
“Do not, I repeat, do not look directly into the drawer of gayness...bad things could hap...correction...worse things could happen!” -- The Dirty Sanchez
“i will not stop praying for you.” -- Timothy “yours in Christ” Lessner
“Hey you. I know you. Don't I?” -- Christie the Eviscerator
“Why are you friends with so many Jesus's???” -- Pirate Tenaya
“you are officially my favorite person ever.” -- Katarina Papadatos
“You big old vagina head! I lost all my money because of you!... But at least they raped me afterwards...” -- Old Man Sleepy
“Why would you pee in a bathroom this time of night?” -- Dave Shameless
“Time flies when you’re an alcoholic!” -- the Readheaded Hooligan
“I weep for my wasted brain cells. But what’s one more addiction?” -- Stesha Merle
“It was SO lovely to meet you last night. I think that was the least banal time I’ve had at a party in years.” -- Ashley Petrey
“I was just thinking about the first time I played ‘I Never;’ I was maybe 13 or so and didn’t really get it so I led with ‘I’ve never tried to suck start a Harley . . .?’ and you were the only one who laughed/didn’t yell at me.” -- Mara Brenno
“Too bad our progeny won’t live long; with your sinister good looks and my telekinesis, they could have ruled the Earth like the Roman gods that their flawless genetics would have dictated . . .” -- Tramputee
“Your rock my WORLD, daddy. You also rock the shit out of underground-tiki-themed-karaoke bashes, but who didn’t see THAT coming, you frakking rockstar.” -- Jodi Kingsley
“Somewhere in heaven St. Peter has a book and he’s crossing out our names.” -- Coryell Barlow
“You alcoholic . . . I’m jealous.” -- Andy
“Tomorrow I’m going to punch you in the face. Be ready.” -- Lara
“You’re so pretty . . . Oh so pretty . . . So pretty and witty and wise! That’s why you piss in the sink?” -- Betty Blowtorch
“I got your voice mail . . . you are a bastard and I probably won’t sleep tonight . . . thank you.” -- Sydney Genco
“WHOSE a rock star? YOU are! YOU are!” -- Miss Mia Park
“I’ll make you a dress . . . but what are you gonna do for me?” -- Cecile Dixon Reynolds III
“Damn. You don’t fuck around.” -- Lori
“You have a cunt head . . . that is a head made up of vaginas . . .” -- Justin
“Anytime with you is a good time . . . a really REALLY good time. I love your monkeys.” -- Rae
“Buck you are one crazy muthafucka. I like it.” -- Joey Vita
“What do you think is funnier: ‘Ku Klux Klaus the redneck Santa’ or ‘Anne Frankenstein’?” -- Snidely Bareback
“Hey savage! Thanks for tha drinks last night and for the unexpected tattoo! It’s gorgeous! We have to do that more often!!! My prince of darkness.” -- K to the Ristina
“Um, you pretty much rock! I thought Ohio sucked ass until I found Naked & Shameless.” -- Nettie Hammar
"you're sweet and creepy." -- Shama Dardia
“naughty monkey...” -- Bethany
"There are no words for Buck – just a twelve pack of pork chops, a fifth of whiskey and a few hand signals." -- T.J. Schwab