About Me
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I am a 31 year old gay male in the southeastern United States currently living with HIV/AIDS. I decided to set this page up as a means of providing hope to some that may be in despair with being diagnosed with HIV and/or AIDS. HIV is no longer a death sentence. I am living proof of that! My biggest mistake was waiting so long to get tested. I became sexually active on my 21st birthday, which was in 1998. It was unwise to be active so long without ever testing, especially since I had multiple partners.
I was first diagnosed as having CMV Retinitis on July 29, 2005, which is a virus that mainly attacks those with AIDS. (Did not know I was HIV + yet.) I went to get some contacts and had noticed black spots "floating" in my right eye's vision. The eye doctor looked in my eye and saw what appeared to be hemorrhaging and was set up for an emergency appointment with a specialist the next day. The surgeon informed me of what it was: CMV (Cytomegaloviris), an Opportunistic Infection. I was shocked!!! I had never had an HIV test, still being in denial I suppose. I did experience things like weight loss and fatigue, but there were reasons for this that made sense...so I thought. I had previously used drugs like ecstasy, cocaine and crystal meth. I then started thinking about other odd things that happened, and it started to all come together. I had an STD (either gonorrhea or chlamydia) in Oct. 2001 that caused Epiditimitis (swollen testicle). It cleared up with antibiotics. I also had an abscess on one of my tonsils in Nov of 2003. I had always had problems with my tonsils since I was young. Just never had them recommended for removal. These were warning signs that should have prompted me to get tested, but yet I delay. In fact my first Infectious Disease Doctor told me I may have had the initial HIV infection onset when I had MONO in March-April of 1999. That is scary.
Sept 2005: I thought it was the end for me, especially after getting my results from my first lab work. My first CD4 count was 80. I was already in the AIDS stage. My Viral Load was over 601,000. It was estimated that I contracted HIV about 6 years prior to being tested (when I had MONO). Having no insurance, it was December before I started my meds and my CD4 count was down to 57, and my viral load over 1.2 million! It was like a waiting game for a bit for assistance, but I got it. I had several eye injections to keep the CMV under control prior to this. Not something I would ever wish on anyone!
When I was diagnosed in July, I weighed about 150 lbs. By Christmas I was at 120-125lbs. That's when my family found out. I had kept it to myself and my partner, along with a few other trusted friends. I had to separate from my partner and move in with my family. I thought it was near the end for me. The meds take awhile to get used to and I had a hard time doing anything. I was also going through depression on a massive scale. Having HIV is bad enough, but separation from friends/lover makes it that much harder, but I had no other choice at the time. I thought I was going to die and didn't want to put my lover through that.
There is much cause for joy and hope in my life. About a month after I started my meds, I began to start gaining weight again. I was still depressed, but physically feeling somewhat better. My lab work done in March really kicked me outta the depression though. My CD4 count more than doubled to 129. I couldn't believe it. Even the doctor was surprised it went up that much so quick. I was very pleased, and felt I could continue with my life. I also found out later in the month that my CMV was in remission. I am however blind in one eye. I was fortunate to have caught it before spreading to the other eye. This is a sign to me that the meds are working for now, however, everyday is still a struggle. It's not as bad these days, but I still have to take it day by day.
I eventually in the next couple months be able to go back to working so I can get out on my own again.
As of June 6th, 2006, the partner I had back home HIV test came back negative. I am so relieved that I didn't pass it to him. He plans to get tested again in a few months, even though it's been over 7 months (at that time) since we engaged in any intimate activity. I have decided to move on from our relationship though. The distance killed what we had. He had made no effort to see me. Always talking about coming down, and cant afford too, but goes out 3 or 4 nights a week. Not that they spend money or not, that's not the issue. Though I would think he would save what little he has to get here and doesn't. So I decided it would be best cause I had felt so alone.
My June 2006 lab results came back great. My CD4 was up to 209 and my viral load went down to 189,000. My weight had increased to about 180 pounds! I also found out from all the sexual partners I had since June of 2002 were all HIV negative. This was truly a blessing and a miracle. I still do not know who passed it to me, and may never know.
One thing making it hard is my parents views on Homosexuality. They are completely against it and I must hide my relationships for now. I was previously kicked out twice because of it when I was younger. This is how it is until I'm able to financially support myself again. So I try and not let that get to me. In due time though!
As of: April, 2008
My CD4 has gone up to: 809
My Viral Load: Still UNDETECTABLE!!!
My Weight: 210lbs! (I've lost just a lil to get back healthier)
I hope this helps someone out there. I know I needed someone to help me get through it. I should have been dead by now, but I'm not!!! For those of you living with HIV/AIDS, I pray we find a cure in our lifetime. Until then, remain positive and do all you can to stay healthy and not continue the spread of the virus.
To those who are sexually active and not been tested...please get tested!!! You can prevent a lot of pain and suffering in finding out soon if you have it. I waited almost too late. Don't let it happen to you. There is life after HIV/AIDS!!!
NOW START LIVING!!!
