Sugartastic Frank Furpants! profile picture

Sugartastic Frank Furpants!

Let me get in your lap so I can gleefully purr while kneading your 'nads.

About Me

My name is Frank and I am a [...ahem, how should I say...] larger-than-average housecat who resides with two people whom I refer to as The Foodbearer and The Other Human. Like all people, their primary purpose in life is to pet me, feed me and scoop the stink-poos out of my litterbox. I like to make them feel appreciated by sleeping on them at night and I truly believe this gives them an overwhelmingly immense feeling of content. I have a brown eye in the rear that I like to wink at everyone. My reputation for being cantankerous, anti-social and perhaps slightly evil often precedes me, but I assure you I'm just misunderstood. No, really! The foodbearer tells me I should learn to go to the bathroom in the toilet just like Jinx in Meet the Parents, but I derive far more personal satisfaction from peeing in a corner of the living room. In addition to relieving myself in inappropriate places, I also enjoy throwing up on hard-to-clean surfaces such as braided rugs and bedspreads. I aspire to take over the world someday, but I haven't been able to work out the complexities of the plan yet on account of my tiny cat-peanut brain.

My Interests

You know, the usual cat stuff. World domination, sleeping, eating, shedding, watching birds out the window, licking myself...err, I mean "grooooming" myself, chasing the laser pointer, drinking from the tub faucet (water dishes are for kittens), sniffing EVERYTHING, hacking up hairballs, winking my brown eye at humans, licking shopping bags, attacking human legs and feet and staring at the TV.

I'd like to meet:

Well-fed birds with clipped wings, fat disabled rodents and other pusses who are into tearin' shit up. Or pusses who are into plotting for world domination. Or if you're not into that kind of stuff, pusses who spend most of their time sleeping and getting fatter, like me. Really, any cat friends are welcome but no bands, please. I'm not interested in serving as free publicity for your shitty "up-and-coming" garage band. And, not to be rude, but anyone who cannot write a half-intelligible sentence need not apply - seriously, I mean that.

Music:

I'm not a fan of much music because it tends to hurt my sensitive pussy ears, although Cat Scratch Fever is pretty cool. [Cue the awesome guitar riff for dramatic emphasis!] Did you know that Cat Scratch Fever is a real affliction? An accquaintance of mine bit her human and it got all infected and the vet told her human to go to the doctor because she probably had Cat Scratch Fever! [Cue the awesome guitar riff again for dramatic emphasis!] Turns out Dixie's human DID have CSF and had to go on antibiotics. The vet said Dixie was probably a carrier because she had to shack up at the SPCA for a while before she got adopted. A lot of those cats have been on the streets and have picked up all kinds of diseases and pestilence. Damn, it would be SO kewl to have Cat Scratch Fever...I would go on a human-biting rampage if I did!

Movies:

Whatever the foodbearers are watching - I'm not very picky. Any time I can hang out with the foodbearers while they sit on the sofa for an hour or two is a good for me. I like when they stay in one place for an extended period of time because I can keep my eyes on them. Have to make sure they aren't up to no good!

Television:

The Office, My Name is Earl, Scrubs reruns, American Idol, Dog the Bounty Hunter, Wife Swap, the Bachelor...I love to be entertained! I like to sleep on the sofa while the humans watch television and would be happy to talk TV with anyone. No promises, however, that I actually watch your shows.

Books:

I like to get on top of whatever the foodbearers are reading.

My Blog

Merry Wrapping Paper/Fake Plastic Pine/Food Season!!

Cats, if you are like me (as in covered in fur, pointy ears, whiskers and long tail) then this is probably your favorite time of the year.  Yes indeed, Wrapping Paper/Fake Plastic Pine/Extra ...
Posted by Sugartastic Frank Furpants! on Fri, 22 Dec 2006 10:45:00 PST

I'm going into business!

From : Frank Furpants Sent : Friday, October 13, 2006 10:56 PMTo : [email protected] : RE: HELLO DEAR FRIEND Dear Mr. Akande,I was most pleased to receive your email message below, d...
Posted by Sugartastic Frank Furpants! on Thu, 19 Oct 2006 06:21:00 PST

Who needs mean, judgmental friends? Not me!

What's the deal with requesting to be somebody's friend only to leave disapproving comments on their photo page?  You can view any individual's photos before you are actually their frie...
Posted by Sugartastic Frank Furpants! on Wed, 27 Sep 2006 07:43:00 PST

Vacation rumors verified!

I had been hearing rumblings of vacation talk from the humans for the past few weeks but just dismissed it as stupid human talk.  You know humans...always blabbering about unimportant s...
Posted by Sugartastic Frank Furpants! on Tue, 08 Aug 2006 01:46:00 PST

What's been going on with ME!

I know you are all dying to hear about what has been going on in my life lately and are wishing I would write a half-decent blog. Sorry about the last blog - it was a little boring and I just wanted t...
Posted by Sugartastic Frank Furpants! on Sat, 22 Jul 2006 09:52:00 PST

On reading MySpace profiles, etc.

I must advise readers that this blog isn't intended to be humorous.  It's just a blog.  And I'm probably taking this MySpace thing way too seriously. I have a friend, El General, who so...
Posted by Sugartastic Frank Furpants! on Mon, 17 Jul 2006 10:32:00 PST

The kittens are right...there's nothing to watch!

Lest you think I came up with the brilliant idea of commenting on summer television all by myself, for the record I would like to state that I am piggybacking on blogs posted by self-appointed televis...
Posted by Sugartastic Frank Furpants! on Wed, 28 Jun 2006 08:26:00 PST

Ahhh...I can sleep easy again.

The evil houseguest left yesterday afternoon and I can finally relax. That guy was old and he always got up at least twice every night to pee and he didn't understand that once the lights go out, it'...
Posted by Sugartastic Frank Furpants! on Sun, 21 May 2006 09:55:00 PST

Enough with the assinine bulletin posts!

I know you all are super cool cats, but posts like these:bye my spaceBody: Bouncer Date: May 16, 2006 4:55 PMSubject: BYE MYSPACE~~Body: : bye myspacefor those who are on my friend list...I totally h...
Posted by Sugartastic Frank Furpants! on Thu, 18 May 2006 06:31:00 PST

What do you know...I've been tagged again.

I have been tagged.Here are the rules: Once you have been tagged, you must post a blog describing six weird habits/facts about youself. You must tag six friends inviting them to do the same, then list...
Posted by Sugartastic Frank Furpants! on Wed, 17 May 2006 07:25:00 PST