Greetings.
My name is Jeff Timbrell.
I am a writer, performer, professional male model and polymath. I am jokingly referred to as "The world..s sexiest film critic." I..m here to chew bubblegum and make friends. And I..m all out of bubblegum. And my own lines.
If you chose to add the World..s Sexiest Film Critic to your myspace team? It can mean only one of three things.
ONE: You require a grand master martial artist trained in Hwang-Do-Chi to do battle with the great Insomnia from Magic Mountain. Fine, fine, fine. But I..m not going to throw one more Palm Power Sword, goddamit. They put out my back.
TWO: Snow Ants currently have you trapped in your home, and supplies are running out as your best friends become more and more delicious in appearance. Eat them and call me back.
or THREE: Mounties have captured you and begun their intense undersea experiments on you culminating in the creation of Super-Sharks that eat Samuel L Jackson. I have no idea what that even means.
Rest assured. The signal is lit. I..ve put on my rubber suit. And I..m on my way. Hide your daughters, for god..s sake.
I am a general cause of mischief throughout most of north western Ontario. I frolic through the artforms like a wild, naked hippy running through the woods. Complete with a picnic basket and a skip in my step. And sometimes more hair than a flock of Sasquatches. And by sometimes, I mean often.
My talents include Gymkata, Screen writing, Play writing, Poetry, Ogre-Slamming, Lyric-Development, Humming Music, Vomiting Forth Essays, Devising critiques, Boxing with Mike Tyson, and of course freestyle wrestling. I love to wear tights. But tights do not love me.
I also like Shakespeare. But he won..t return my calls. That horrible British slut. Probably dating Camus again.
I love crazy people, talented people, intelligent people and freaky people. In particular freaky people. I do not care about scenes or social circles. Those are for the weak. Do you know why herds exist? So the others have a better chance to run while the predators catch the sick and the weak. I am a Super Predator. I have no use for your herds. I am drawn to personalities and creativity like a moth to a blow torch. So please do not touch my beautiful fairy wings. They are delicate and fragile. If I friend you, subscribe to your blog or otherwise stalk you .., it..s mostly for scientific purposes. Or because I think your booty is tasty like a caramel apple.
I am currently single and holding try-outs for the WSFC GP. A cross-Canada dogsled race for my hand in marriage. Or at least a decent one night stand with cuddles afterwards. Girls will have to combat the elements and cyborg polar bears and penguins, as well as the deadly Snow Ant legions to win my pure crystal heart. Think of it as the Bachelor on Monster Island and you got the right idea.
Subscribe to my blog and I will fill your head with goo and magic toadstools. That..s just the kind of guy I am.