Cap'n Cook profile picture

Cap'n Cook

Party Penguins galore!!!

About Me

I am Cap'n Cook. I am an aptly named Emperor Penguin. If you are not up to par I just might turn my beak up at you, in much the same manner as a bleach blonde sophomore cheerleader. I do, however, have a sweet side, and no one brings out the sweetness in me like a female penguin with smooth, shiny feathers and a well rounded belly. I'm quite a hit with the ladies, and if you don't believe me, just check out my mardi gras photos. My unbridled passions have even earned me a cute little fledgling, Eggbert. I am a bit embarassed to admit this, but I don't know WHO the hell Eggbert's mother is. I just found an egg on the doorstep of my igloo one day with a note attached saying that he was the product of one of my many erotic excursions. I was a little worried at first that he may have been a puffin, but sure enough when the little guy hatched he was a chip off the old iceblock. If you are a fellow party penguin, a cute female penguin, or just a fan of flightless antarctic birds in general feel free to add me to your friends list. Puffins need not apply.

My Interests

Hatin' on puffins, eating pickled herring, tobbogoning on my belly, strollin' along Bourbon street in New Orleans at 4:20 and pickin' up hookers.I scored a 49% on the "how myspace are you?" Quizie! What about you?

I'd like to meet:

Anyone but a puffin. Puffins are bottom feeding leeches. They try to exploit and ride on the tailfeathers of of their more popular relative, the magestic penguin. Puffins are a disgrace. They can't even live in the snow, and their beaks are ugly.

Music:

The rap song "shake ya tailfeather", old school Easy E, A little Marvin Gaye always gets the female penguins in the mood for some lovin'....Music is cool, but I'd rather hear myself do the famous PENGUIN BATTLE CRY. If you ever hear this ear splitting skwak then head for the hills, mofo. The penguin battle cry is used only when I am about to attack.

Movies:

Adam Sandler is an actor who is not afraid to feature my fellow feathered and flightless in his hilarious comedies. I had a bit part in Billy Madison and also in his latest movie, 50 first dates.

Television:

Chilly Willy the penguin, Pingu.

Books:

Mr Popper's Penguins!!!!! I am named after Mr Popper's first and foremost famous pet penguin, Cap'n Cook!!! If you are familiar with the book, you will know that in the end Mr. Popper leaves his wife and children and sets sail for Antarctica with Cap'n and the rest of the penguins. Proof that Penguin companionship is far superior to that of humans.

Heroes:

Pingu.

My Blog

Hurricanes in the Arctic

These dastardly storms threaten my habitat routinely, but this time one of them hit me and blew away my igloo. I am currently stranded in Uptown New Orleans while my mom waits till it is safe for her ...
Posted by Cap'n Cook on Wed, 28 Sep 2005 07:15:00 PST

ZooBu threads...way trendy in the animal kingdom!

From now on I'm going to be sportin' only ZooBu brand tuxedoes, because they are the coolest! Zoobu--designer to the aminals! (sorry about the shameless plug!)
Posted by Cap'n Cook on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Pufferfish sticks! HEEEEELLLLLP!!!!

When I joined the pufferfish club, I truly did so with the most honorable of intentions. I've never had a pet, and I figured if I can provide adequte care for my bastard fledgling, Eggbert, I can sur...
Posted by Cap'n Cook on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

You ain't my fledgling mama!

As you all know, I am a single father. I was not planning to hatch an egg anytime soon, but when I found the egg that would one day become Eggbert I stepped up to the plate like a REAL penguin and vow...
Posted by Cap'n Cook on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

It don't matter if you're black and white.

Why do so many puffins persist in attempting to racially profile penguins? I am proud of my biracial heritage. After all, a seagull (solid white) is a dreadfully boring creature. People would probably...
Posted by Cap'n Cook on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST