Amy O profile picture

Amy O

I am here for Friends

About Me

I unfortunately hail from Clinton, MS; a stepford-esque suburb of Jackson. While the town boasts many wonderful people, it is to an extent an enclave of Jesus freaks, rabid conservatives, homophobes and Bush supporters. The local soccer mom mafia will recruit you while you are shopping for munchies at Wal-Mart. If they do attempt to recruit you, take it as a compliment, as the alternative is likely a malicious smear campaign. After managing to escape Clinton somehow without becoming a homophobe, indoctrined racist, or SUV driving baby factory, I attended USM and now live in uptown New Orleans and work at a community college. As of Fall 08 I will be persuing my Master's in English Lit at UNO. I fancy myself somewhat of a writer, though I am not one of those who drone on and on about such matters in an unsolicited fashion to uninterested parties. I love to travel. I know everyone says that but my wanderlust is so excessive that I have been accused of being a gypsy. I don't have a problem with people having religious beliefs as long as they do not try to convert others or take away rights (such as abortion or gay marriage) from others. I, however, believe that ALL religions are obsolete, antiquated mythologies. Believing in these fables is tantamount to believing in fairies, trolls or hobbits. I'm not saying that those creatures do not exist, just that their existence is just as plausible as all those Jesus stories people have been brainwashed into believing. I think that the world would be better off without any religion at all. It kills people and has been for thousands of years. I have no idea what happens when we die, but I'm certain that all of that fire and brimstone nonsense is mere poppycock. I'm not an atheist, I'm agnostic because I feel that it is arrogant to assert that I have any idea what happens upon our inevitable release from this mortal coil, seeing as how I have only been consious since the 1980s.
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My Interests

Reading. Writing. Teaching. Traveling. Wine. Spewing blasphemy. Generalized debauchery. My fabulous friends. My beloved NOLA. I am a penguin fanatic. Beaches. Kids and babies. Food. Boats. Summer. Debunking urban legends. Shopping. Cooking. Wine. Literary and music festivals. Going back to MS to visit. Meeting new people. Dressing up when I feel like it just for fun. Shopping at Whole Foods in my pjs. Occasional designer cannabis. Seafood. Cheese. Sunshine. Babysitting for children and pets so that I may reap the benefits of their companionship without having to give birth/spend money/be responsible.

myspace backgrounds

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I'd like to meet:

Penguintologists and vegetarian lawyers.

Music:

I hate music snobs with an uncommon passion, however I must say that all of this manufactured pop and pop country disgust me even further. I am thankful that I don't have any kids, because if my kid was into that ridiculous Hannah Montana etc. stuff I'd have to give my child away due to embarrasment, and I'm pretty sure that would make me a bad parent. Here are a few of my faves at the moment- Amy Winehouse, Smiths, Jack Johnson, Johnny Cash, Beck, Sinatra, Sun Volt, Lemonheads.

Movies:

Boondock Saints, Pi, Memento, K-Pax, Frailty...I do like some foreign films but I don't watch them just to be a pretentious asshole. Pretentious assholes are almost as disturbing as pop culture itself. I hate chick flicks, or romantic comedies as they are euphemistically called.

Television:

I hate reality tv so much that I wish I was the lucky bastard that created it. Then I could buy stuff to console myself with and entertain me so that I wouldn't ever have to be subjected to it. I like LOST, Reno 911, Ali G., Chapelle...and I am searching for a straight man who will allow me to watch the Golden Girls in his prescence...do you know anyone like that? Didn't think so...Oh, strictly FYI- If you watch Top Chef stoned, you will get fat.

Books:

Margaret Atwood, Keats, Wallace Stevens, Jim Caroll, Bukowski, Coleridge, Pound, Eliot, Yeats, Tom Robbins, Vonnegut, Tom Wolfe, Dune and of course A Confederacy of Dunces and The Catcher in the Rye. If I see someone reading a "Chick Lit" or romance novel I have been know to pounce upon them and administer unto them a profound and well deserved beating.

Heroes:

Flamboyantly colored farm animals that sacrifice their very lives in order to provide us with a delicious breakfast meat chock full of nitrates. Mmmmmm. Baaaacooon!

adopt your own virtual pet!

My Blog

Daily pseudo blasphemy

I posted this as a blog. Why? Because I'm a bored smartass wannabe writer, THAT'S WHY.   While I declare that we shall soon venture forth to semi tropical locales, umbrella garnished drinking rec...
Posted by Amy O on Thu, 24 Apr 2008 12:09:00 PST

Well I never said I was sane....

I can’t ignore an opportunity for self reflection... Part One:  15 random things about me 1.   I secretly wish I was a lesbian, but try as I might, I just can not get into it. 2...
Posted by Amy O on Wed, 26 Mar 2008 01:31:00 PST

How babies are made

When I was a child of about ten or so years, It suddenly occured to me one day that I might be pregnant. One moment I was giving Barbie a Dorothy Hamill  haircut and the next thing I knew I ...
Posted by Amy O on Fri, 07 Mar 2008 11:25:00 PST

I love my brother!

So there I was, living my life, completely oblivious to the latest trials and tribulations of the benevolent Spears family when my brother saw fit to text me that Britney's 16 yr old sis is preggers t...
Posted by Amy O on Wed, 19 Dec 2007 01:01:00 PST

Top 10 highlights from my Canadian adventure

1. Smoking pot in the bathroom because Andrew feared malicious retribution from the hotel staff. 2. Some dudes who hit on me (I think) in French. 3. When the snowflakes started going up my nose...now ...
Posted by Amy O on Mon, 03 Dec 2007 11:12:00 PST

The terror within...(taken from the Onion.com)

NEW BRIGHTON, MNImmediately following a physician's examination for her menstrual cessation, 37-year-old events planner Janice Crowley told reporters Tuesday that she is "ecstatic" with her diagnosis...
Posted by Amy O on Mon, 27 Aug 2007 11:50:00 PST

Madisonian staring frogs

As many of you know, I am stuck in a brief purgatory of sorts here in suburban Jackson, MS (my hometown) while I search tirelessly for habitable rentals back in uptown NOLA. Because my luddite father ...
Posted by Amy O on Wed, 24 Jan 2007 06:29:00 PST

Dad's trying to sell me again!

My car pisses me off because it is forever fucking up! My grandfather recently reluctantly surrendered his driving privleges (thank god the streets are safe!) and bestowed upon Daddy his big ass Tacom...
Posted by Amy O on Tue, 21 Nov 2006 12:28:00 PST

I'm at blogger.com now!!!

http://amylynnoneal.blogspot.com/
Posted by Amy O on Fri, 23 Dec 2005 05:39:00 PST

Nasty smoothies!

I've been motivated by my ever increasing age to start being healthier before I die an excruciating death. Ok, Ok, ya dragged it out of me. I want to lose 10 pounds so that my hometown peeps are suffi...
Posted by Amy O on Wed, 30 Nov 2005 12:48:00 PST