Male Survivor

For Survivors and Others interested in Preventing, Understanding and Healing Male Sexual Victimization
About Me
I am a male survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse. I live a life unnoticed and try to find my way home through all the vices this has left me with. I do see a therapist on a monthly basis. I forgive - I get angry - I get mad - I stuggle - I pray that things will change for all of us in this generation. That we will not walk in shame. That we will not walk in guilt. That we dont have to explain why - when - where or suffer secondary abuse because of what others did to and with us. So if this is the first time you visited myspace—welcome. Below you'll find more information on Male Sexual Abuse. Please dont feel afraid to write or leave comments. Currently my biggest dream is to die in a Tim Burton Movie or at least be an extra in one... So if any one knows him - please put in a good word for me.
I am a male survivor of sexual abuse - What Can I Do?
* Invest in some good Self Help Books
•Victims No Longer: The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse by Mike Lew - Self-Help - 2004 - 464 pages
•Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse by Mic Hunter
•Wounded Boys Heroic Men: A Man's Guide to Recovering from Child Abuse by Daniel Jay Sonkin - Self-Help - 1998 - 226 pages
•The Courage to Heal Workbook: For Women and Men Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Davis, LauraDavis: This is a book and companion workbook helping survivors identify and process feelings and thoughts related to the sexual abuse. There is also a book for the partners and loved ones of survivors. These books are helpful in empowering the survivor.
* Talk to others you trust and feel supported by:
Talk to people who will be willing to listen to your thoughts and feelings related to the sexual abuse. These usually are the people who have been very considerate and non-judgemental in your life. The ones you know you can count on - even in the "rough times". Be warned: Stay away from those who blames you for it -or tells you what to do or how to feel.
* Begin Therapy:
I cannot stress this one enough. Therapy is a safe and supportive environment in which one can explore feelings and thoughts with a non-judgemental, caring person. They also can provide insight into the psychological effects of sexual abuse such as depression, anxiety, low self esteem and flashbacks.
*Join a group of other survivors of sexual abuse.
In a group setting you have the opportunity to hear about other survivor's experiences and you may feel willing to share your experiences with them. This is an excellent place to talk about your feelings and experiences while receiving support from others. (It is advisable to join a group once you have progressed sufficiently in individual therapy or are currently involved in individual therapy or group therapy. )
IF YOU ARE CONSIDERING SUICIDE...
I am not equipped to deal with an immediate crises of this nature but PlEASE call your local suicide or crisis hotline instead. http://suicidehotlines.com or call 800 suicide (800-784-2433) (24 hrs/7 days week) or Crisis Hotlines United States National:1-866-334-HELP (24 hrs/7 days week)
If you do not have a therapist, i would ask you to consider one for ongoing support
IF YOU NEED IMMEDIATE HELP PLEASE DO NOT HESITATE TO CONTACT THE FOLLOWING NUMBERS
State Toll-Free Child Abuse Reporting Numbers
Each State designates specific agencies to receive and investigate reports of suspected child abuse and neglect. Typically, this responsibility is carried out by child protective services (CPS) within a Department of Social Services, Department of Human Resources, or Division of Family and Children Services. In some States, police departments also may receive reports of child abuse or neglect. Many States have an in-State toll-free number, listed below, for reporting suspected abuse. The reporting party must be calling from the same state where the child is allegedly being abused for the following numbers to be valid. For States not listed, or when the reporting party resides in a different State than the child, please call Childhelp, 800-4-A-Child (800-422-4453), or your local CPS agency.
Alaska (AK) 800-478-4444
Arizona (AZ) 888-SOS-CHILD (888-767-2445)
Arkansas (AR) 800-482-5964
Connecticut (CT) 800-842-2288 800-624-5518 (TDD/hearing impaired)
Delaware (DE) 800-292-9582
Florida (FL) 800-96-ABUSE (800-962-2873)
Illinois (IL) 800-252-2873
Indiana (IN) 800-562-2407
Iowa (IA) 800-362-2178
Kansas (KS) 800-922-5330
Kentucky (KY) 800-752-6200
Maine (ME) 800-452-1999
Maryland (MD) 800-332-6347
Massachusetts (MA) 800-792-5200
Michigan (MI) 800-942-4357
Mississippi (MS) 800-222-8000
Missouri (MO) 800-392-3738
Montana (MT) 800-332-6100
Nebraska (NE) 800-652-1999
Nevada (NV) 800-992-5757
New Hampshire (NH) 800-894-5533
New Jersey (NJ) 800-792-8610 800-835-5510 (TDD/hearing impaired)
New Mexico (NM) 800-432-2075
New York (NY) 800-342-3720
North Carolina (NC) 800-662-7030
Oklahoma (OK) 800-522-3511
Oregon (OR) 800-854-3508
Pennsylvania (PA) 800-932-0313
Rhode Island (RI) 800-RI-CHILD (800-742-4453)
Texas (TX) 800-252-5400
Utah (UT) 800-678-9399
Virginia (VA) 800-552-7096
Washington (WA) 800-562-5624
West Virginia (WV) 800-352-6513
Wyoming (WY) 800-457-3659
About Male Sexual Abuse
•Approximately one in six boys experiences direct sexual contact with an adult or older child by age sixteen.
• Often these incidents are misconstrued as “Sexual Initiation” or as events for which the boy is responsible.
•Sexual abuse among boys and men are mostly unacknowledged and misunderstood.
Myths about Sexual A?buse
No 1. Men and Boys cant be victims.
This myth, instilled through masculine gender socialization and sometimes referred to as the "macho image," declares that males, even young boys, are not supposed to be victims or even vulnerable. We learn very early that males should be able to protect themselves. In truth, boys are children - weaker and more vulnerable than their perpetrators - who cannot really fight back. Why? The perpetrator has greater size, strength, and knowledge. This power is exercised from a position of authority, using resources such as money or other bribes, or outright threats - whatever advantage can be taken to use a child for sexual purposes.
No 2. Most sexual abuse of boys is perpetrated by homosexual males.
Pedophiles who molest boys are not expressing a homosexual orientation any more than pedophiles who molest girls are practicing heterosexual behaviors. While many child molesters have gender and/or age preferences, of those who seek out boys, the vast majority are not homosexual. They are pedophiles.
No 3. If a boy experiences sexual arousal or orgasm from abuse, this means he was a willing participant or enjoyed it.
In reality, males can respond physically to stimulation (get an erection) even in traumatic or painful sexual situations. Therapists who work with sexual offenders know that one way a perpetrator can maintain secrecy is to label the child's sexual response as an indication of his willingness to participate. "You liked it, you wanted it," they'll say. Many survivors feel guilt and shame because they experienced physical arousal while being abused. Physical (and visual or auditory) stimulation is likely to happen in a sexual situation. It does not mean that the child wanted the experience or understood what it meant at the time.
N0 4. Boys are less traumatized by the abuse experience than girls.
While some studies have found males to be less negatively affected, more studies show that long term effects are quite damaging for either sex. Males may be more damaged by society's refusal or reluctance to accept their victimization, and by their resultant belief that they must "tough it out" in silence.
No 5. Boys abused by males are or will become homosexual.
While there are different theories about how the sexual orientation develops, experts in the human sexuality field do not believe that premature sexual experiences play a significant role in late adolescent or adult sexual orientation. It is unlikely that someone can make another person a homosexual or heterosexual. Sexual orientation is a complex issue and there is no single answer or theory that explains why someone identifies himself as homosexual, heterosexual or bi-sexual. Whether perpetrated by older males or females, boys' or girls' premature sexual experiences are damaging in many ways, including confusion about one's sexual identity and orientation. Many boys who have been abused by males erroneously believe that something about them sexually attracts males, and that this may mean they are homosexual or effeminate. Again, not true. Pedophiles who are attracted to boys will admit that the lack of body hair and adult sexual features turns them on. The pedophile's inability to develop and maintain a healthy adult sexual relationship is the problem - not the physical features of a sexually immature boy.
No 6. The "Vampire Syndrome"Ñthat is, boys who are sexually abused, like the victims of Count Dracula, go on to "bite" or sexually abuse others.
This myth is especially dangerous because it can create a terrible stigma for the child, that he is destined to become an offender. Boys might be treated as potential perpetrators rather than victims who need help. While it is true that most perpetrators have histories of sexual abuse, it is NOT true that most victims go on to become perpetrators. Research by Jane Gilgun, Judith Becker and John Hunter found a primary difference between perpetrators who were sexually abused and sexually abused males who never perpetrated: non-perpetrators told about the abuse, and were believed and supported by significant people in their lives. Again, the majority of victims do not go on to become adolescent or adult perpetrators; and those who do perpetrate in adolescence usually don't perpetrate as adults if they get help when they are young.
No 7 If the perpetrator is female, the boy or adolescent should consider himself fortunate to have been initiated into heterosexual activity.
In reality, premature or coerced sex, whether by a mother, aunt, older sister, baby-sitter or other female in a position of power over a boy, causes confusion at best, and rage, depression or other problems in more negative circumstances. To be used as a sexual object by a more powerful person, male or female, is always abusive and often damaging.
Believing these myths is dangerous and damaging.
*—So long as society believes these myths, and teaches them to children from their earliest years, sexually abused males will be unlikely to get the recognition and help they need.
*—So long as society believes these myths, sexually abused males will be more likely join the minority of survivors who perpetuate this suffering by abusing others. * So long as boys or men who have been sexually abused believe these myths, they will feel ashamed and angry.
* —And so long as sexually abused males believe these myths they reinforce the power of another devastating myth that all abused children struggle with: that it was their fault. It is never the fault of the child in a sexual situation - though perpetrators can be quite skilled at getting their victims to believe these myths and take on responsibility that is always and only their own.
For any male who has been sexually abused, becoming free of these myths is an essential part of the recovery process.
Profile edited with CricketSoda's Myspace Editor