Wilf Lunn - ProfilesArchive

About Me

WELCOME TO WILF'S WONDERFUL WORLD OF DEAD CELEBRITY TRIVIA
I am the late, great roller of marbles extraudinaire! You may remember me astonishing with my marbleous contraptions on 'Vision On' & 'Jigsaw'? Or flirting with Jenny on 'Magpie'?. Or stealing the show on 'Mooncat'? From a fucking puppet. I was also the mastermind behind Dusty Bin of '3-2-1' fame. Unfortunately I am no longer of this mortal coil and so come to you by satellite link from "the other side" (no, not ITV). I now spend the majority of my time playing Connect 4 (and am currently second in the league to, of all people, Klaus Kinski). The rest of my time is spent channeling messages from those up here to them down there and vice versa (for a small fee of course). So if there is anyone from the whole of history you wish to speak to (from Abraham Lincoln to Zsa Zsa Gabor), I'm your man! "What's it like up there?" I hear you ask. Well, without giving too much away and spoiling the surprise, I'd recommend using your mortal lives to brush up on a few board games whilst you can. If you want to succeed up here it's all down to your gaming prowess. To achieve rank of Archangel you must achieve Grandmaster status in all three of the major disciplines: Connect 4, Downfall and Guess Who.
ASK SOMEONE IN HEAVEN A QUESTION. NO QUESTION IS TOO INANE. AND YOUR FIRST THREE ARE FREE!!!! Haven't you ever wanted to know what Leonardo Di Vinci really thinks of snow boarding? Or why Boudica prefers handbag house to hard house? (calls cost Â£16.85 from most landlines. Non payment of fees may result in loss of testicles)
LATEST CONNECT 4 HEAVEN & DISTRICT DIVISION 1 RESULTS:
Klaus Kinski 4 Isambard Kingdom Brunel 0
Douglas Fairbanks Snr 1 Dennis Wilson 2
Moondog 3 Dustin Gee 1
Wilf Lunn 1 Divine 1
Barry White 3 Joan of Arc 1

My Interests

Connect 4, Downfall, Guess Who, cycles of all hues: unicycles, bicycles, tricycles, menstrual (but not quad bikes), being a boffin, Mousetrap, Operation (Can I have a go?), Jennifer Aniston, hats (but not all headwear), moustaches (but not all facial hair), tinkering in my shed, ladies' perfume (on the ladies)
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I'd like to meet:

My maker and the most genial of hosts. I've been up Here for many moons now and am yet to set eyes on the head honcho. I'd like to thank Him for having me up Here by holding a ceremonial picnic in His honour or by locking horns in a friendly game of Connect 4 (though I hear He's pants). Also, high on my 'like to' list would be Friends actress Jennifer Aniston. What lovely hair! All three of my terrapins were named in her honour: little Jennifer, Rachel and Aniston. I still miss their putrid stench. I would also like to reaquaint myself with my old sparring partner Mr Tony Hart. Now he's no longer my paymaster I'd like to tell him exactly what I thought of his manipulative control freakery and childish mind games. The way he used to treat poor little Morph and Chas when the cameras weren't rolling beggars belief. Pulling their little feet off and remoulding them into tiny plasticine cocks to stick on their foreheads was not funny. It was sick and it was cruel. And what's more he couldn't even draw that well.
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Music:

You probably haven't heard of all these hip bands yet. They're all the Supergroups formed up here in Heaven:
Green Knees, Uncle Henry, The Wizard of Us, Flicking Clint & the Cockslickers, The Beatless, Jinxmeister General, Heil Heckler, Ronco K. Tel, Adventure Playground, Manny Barrilow

Movies:

Jennifer Aniston movies, even the rubbish ones.

Television:

Friends, 3-2-1, Magpie, Vision On, Rolf on Saturday, Bad Girls, Mork & Mindy (well, Mindy)

Books:

Magpie Annual 1976, 1977, Friends Annual 1999, 2001
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Heroes:

Sir Douglas Bader, Heather Mills-MacCartney, Arthur Askey, John Martyn, Jennifer Aniston, Ted Rogers

My Blog

DEAD CELEBRITY Q & A

Here are a selection of answers to questions sent in by our mortal friends on Earth: John Shuttleworth: a) Arthur Mullard isn't too confident about his climbing skills, so reckons it could take h...
Posted by Wilf Lunn on Sat, 05 Aug 2006 01:17:00 PST