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My beautiful and glamourous agent Rachel because although she promises the earth, I very rarely seem to get any decent job offers. You'd think she'd at least offer to sleep with a few producers to develop my career. After all, it isn't as though she's averse to picking up any Tom, DICK or Harry outside her local Co op.
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TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Geoffrey
Birthday: 30th February
Birthplace: In a stable just off the M25
Current Location: Baghdad (Have just witnessed Saddam dangling)
Eye Color: Mauve with a touch of orange
Hair Color: Same as above
Height: 6ft 18
Right Handed or Left Handed: Depends what mood I'm in
Your Heritage: Aborigine crossed with a dolphin
The Shoes You Wore Today: Yellow wellingtons
Your Weakness: Ladies
Your Fears: Big hairy men
Your Perfect Pizza: Goat, hedgehog and rabbit shit
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: To be a complete and utter cunt
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: Cunt
Thoughts First Waking Up: Same as above
Your Best Physical Feature: Can't name just one for fucks sake. Have you seen me?
Your Bedtime: Whenever the fuck I like.
Your Most Missed Memory: Twatting Bungle
Pepsi or Coke: Coke (sniff)
MacDonalds or Burger King: Maccys
Single or Group Dates: Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Would rather drink my own urine
Chocolate or Vanilla: Not fussed
Cappuccino or Coffee: Cappucino
Do you Smoke: Yes I do. Got a problem with that you health facist?
Do you Swear: What cunt thought up these questions?
Do you Sing: Naturally. I'm multi talented
Do you Shower Daily: Yes, I'm not a smelly fuckrag
Have you Been in Love: Don't have time for it.
Do you want to go to College: Do I fuck
Do you want to get Married: Never again.
Do you belive in yourself: I'm a fucking superstar. Of course I do.
Do you get Motion Sickness: No I don't
Do you think you are Attractive: Who doesn't?
Are you a Health Freak: Am I fuck
Do you get along with your Parents: Fine, now they're dead
Do you like Thunderstorms: Yes, as my parents were killed in one whilst enjoying a round of golf
Do you play an Instrument: I've been known to bang out a good tune on my pink oboe
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Of course
In the past month have you Smoked: Yes
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Yes
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: I open them all of the time
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: As I'm not a fucking yank, no I haven't
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: I'd rather eat 7 week old horse shit from a plate of broken glass
In the past month have you been on Stage: Of course I fucking have
In the past month have you been Dumped: Ha ha ha. Are you fucking kidding
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Of course not. It's fucking freezing
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: No comment
Ever been Drunk: On occasion
Ever been called a Tease: All of the time
Ever been Beaten up: Hard as fucking nails me
Ever Shoplifted: No comment
How do you want to Die: On the job
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: An animal beautician
What country would you most like to Visit: Colombia
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Brown
Favourite Hair Color: Dark
Short or Long Hair: Long
Height: Short but not a midget
Weight: As long as they're not fat and sweaty I don't care
Best Clothing Style: Naked
Number of Drugs I have taken: 54.3
Number of CDs I own: 10562
Number of Piercings: 60
Number of Tattoos: One big fucker
Number of things in my Past I Regret: Fuck all
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