Am I Les Dennis?
I don't really know.....
I'm Les Dennis. i was born with two legs and two arms, and a face with a head on. I was Christened "Enduro-Glass Prethethatine". Sounds weird to you, but where my mum's from its quite a common name.
Once i had matured, we decided to change my name so i could fit in. I changed my name to Les 'Iron Guns' Dennis. I did not fit in.
I met Dustin Gee, my comedy partner and first owner, after a fight over a red bounty - back in the day when bounty bars came with a cardboard tray. The fight was with my second master, Russ Abbott.
After some time, Mr Abbott let me free and gave me two bits of advice:
1 - don't marry her, she'll make you cry
2 - try to get your arse out on telly at least once.
I did marry her though. I rebelled against Russ. I will never dissobey his orders again.
Uncle Max Bygraves asked if i'd like to mind his house for a bit in the early 80's. I said yes and then locked him out.
I'm talking about family fortunes of course! A show i then bought the rights to and am now in talks with ben elton and he-man about tuning it into the national anthem, an opera and a football team.
my new owner - 'our survey' tells me everything i need to know. if i'm obedient and i know what the missing two answers are, he'll give me all kinds of stuff.
If i'm ever out of line he deafens me with binary swearing.
i am never out of line.
when I went in the big brother and i learned a lot about myself. i learned that i have legs and eyes and a chest and lungs and hands and a nose and some hair and a voice and some knees (2) and a coat.
after big brother, i put all of my money into McCain frozen chips - wow!!! did it pay off!!!
the i found out my wife was a slut and was fucking Morrissey, Dermot Murghnahan, Tarrant, Carol Vorderman, Geoffrey Hayes, General Zodd and Ultimate Warrior.
In 1998 i dissapeared for a bit - the press thought i went to portugal or spain or something but i actually lived in a big shell with a brush.
some people think i'm cheggers. i'm not.
I'm really not.
In 1927 i was declared dead for 7 hours.
I have 2 mobile phones (one on tesco mobile and one on Tmobile, but the phone is so old, it still says one 2 one.
I have gone right off hammocks.
Our survey told me that they give you sex diseases. And they make you look like a cunt.
i used to be the UKs best impressionist.....
