Jerrod Balzer profile picture

Jerrod Balzer

Horror Author Jerrod Balzer

About Me

Jerrod Balzer is an author and distant relative of Marquis De Sade, whose family is said to have bragged being related to his ancestors, the Balthasars. Personally, I think he got his kinkiness from that side of the family (except for the fart fetish). He can also wiggle his ears, eyebrows, and nostrils separately. For any other info, please check out the site. From www.oakclan.com : As you walk through the dark woods surrounding Tapperville, you may get the feeling you're being watched. It could be the escaped serial killer that's being very creative with how he manipulates his victims. It could also be the ghosts who haunt a nearby forgotten cemetery. It might even be one of the local rednecks, drunk and armed as they seek vengeance for their horribly mutilated loved ones. It could be any of those things, and you'd be lucky if it was, but as you pass by each tree, be cautious. The branch that just brushed your shoulders might grab you. It could wrap around you and pull you to pieces. A root could shoot up from the ground and impale you. Worse yet, one of the vampires whose spirits dwell within the trees could bust out of its shell of bark and chase you in its grotesque human form. Once a member of the Oak Clan has a thirst for you, it will stalk you each night until it has you in its wooden grasp.Visit the website for more info on Jerrod and his book "The Oak Clan." Free black metal layouts at SatanSpace.com
www.skullvines.com

My Interests

Visit OakClan.com right now for info and pics!

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I'd like to meet:

I'm not a pervert, stalker, or band, and I'm not looking for love. If I added you, it's because I saw your profile and thought we might share similar interests. Living in the Midwest, I don't run into a lot of like-minded individuals. People into the horror genre, books or movies, are encouraged but I'll pay attention to anyone capable of holding an intelligent conversation. I'd love to hear from other writers. Any paying publishers who like my style of writing are always welcome to contact me. I'm finally starting to get some short stories under my belt and will be looking to publish them. Although I'm pretty busy, I do spend most of my time at home, so I'm able to check my mail often. It just takes me time to answer them because I want to give everyone my fullest attention when doing so (not just a quick "Thanks for contacting me"). When I have spare time, I spend a lot of it at www.odark.com so look for me there. The people there are the best! Okay, enough talk. Let's shoot some zombies!

ArcadeVirus - freearcadegames, playfreegames

Music:

Everything from Classical to Black Metal, depending on my mood. I get a lot of exercise moshing around the living room to the likes of Slayer and Cradle of Filth. That's why I don't have house plants. I tend to fall into them. I listen to more Goth/Industrial and 80's rock/metal than anything else, though. Among my favorite bands are Dope, KMFDM, Lords of Acid, Tool, Machine Head, Acid Bath, Tristania and Type O Negative. The list goes on and on. The only real rap that I listen to is old school (Run DMC, Fat Boys, or Whodini) and Insane Clown Posse.

Movies:



Tim Burton, B-horror and raunchy comedies are my absolute favorites. Really creepy, serious horror that gives me goosebumps are great, but so rare that I'll settle for good gory fun. Really I'm not too picky with movies. Favorites include the Evil Dead series, anything based on H.P. Lovecraft, and as far as comedy goes, if Trey Parker and Matt Stone made it, it's an instant classic in my opinion. I tend to rent a lot of documentaries to keep my mind from rotting.

Television:

Rarely watch it these days. I just get the box sets of the shows I like, like Buffy, Angel, Friends, Cowboy Bebop, etc. I love the comedy shows of the 80s like Night Court, Three's Company, and Cheers. And last but not least, I've been been a huge fan of The Addams Family and The Munsters.

Demonstration of the Dead
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Books:

For those of you who proudly boast that you don't read, thinking it's funny or smart to say such a stupid thing, Mark Twain said it best: "The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them." For those who claim to be too busy, one paragraph a day, even before bedtime, is at least something. Besides, everyone seems to be capable of reading on the internet, so try a book once in a while! As for me, Lovecraft is my fav but I also really enjoy Wrath James White, Mark McLaughlin, Brian Keene and Shane Ryan Staley. Poe, of course, is a given. I'll read thought-provoking nonfiction on history, religion, and the occult, but also love a good scare or laugh as with movies. Very little offends me so give me your most repulsive, controversial work and I'll probably get a kick out of it.

Heroes:

Poe and Lovecraft. Despite their struggles in life, they've helped society dig into the darkest part of their souls and face it. Oh, and...

My Blog

Fuck you, Parents Magazine!

For sending an issue to us today in my wife's name.  We didn't ask for it and if it's some kind of promotion thing - send out free issues and maybe people will subscribe - then    SOME ...
Posted by Jerrod Balzer on Thu, 24 Apr 2008 10:26:00 PST

Copies of Oak Clan found!

See my website for details ...
Posted by Jerrod Balzer on Sun, 20 Apr 2008 04:49:00 PST

This is some major bullshit.

A senior in my town's high school was just suspended for the remainder of the year and banned from the property.  He's a very average kid that I met during a career day visit last year.  He ...
Posted by Jerrod Balzer on Sun, 20 Apr 2008 04:45:00 PST

Double-D Avenger is up for Pre-Order!

Written my moi:The bikini bar owner, Al Purplewood, is up to no good with his murderous strippers, and only big-bosomed Chastity Knott can stop them.  Will her superhuman abilities as the Do...
Posted by Jerrod Balzer on Wed, 26 Mar 2008 09:34:00 PST

Just when you think it’s safe

So we're having a reasonably nice day.  It's raining outside so we're inside taking it easy.  Robin was a little shaky but weird weather can do that.  I have her help me clean the livin...
Posted by Jerrod Balzer on Fri, 11 Apr 2008 07:00:00 PST

Caught up on some movies

Most recently, we finally watched Beowulf, A Scanner Darkly, and Sweeney Todd.We loved Beowulf.  Great story and the Grendel scenes were more than cool - they were outright scary.  I was gen...
Posted by Jerrod Balzer on Thu, 10 Apr 2008 08:50:00 PST

I’m going to co-host a radio show!

I’ve been invited to co-host a new internet radio show on www.crypt-radio.comThe show is Tales of the Darkness and I’ll be joining Cryptkeeper as the Evil Librarian.  We’ll be i...
Posted by Jerrod Balzer on Mon, 17 Mar 2008 12:23:00 PST

Updates on Robin and website

First, the most important news:  Robin is being released tomorrow.  They added Halodol to her list of meds and, so far, she hasn't heard any voices all week.  These are the worst, of co...
Posted by Jerrod Balzer on Wed, 12 Mar 2008 05:19:00 PST

Robin in the hospital... again :(

As mentiioned in the previous blog, Robin has been having a really rough couple of weeks (me too, of course).  Here's the rundown:She thinks zombies are outside the house.She thinks she's pregnan...
Posted by Jerrod Balzer on Sat, 08 Mar 2008 09:39:00 PST

Website down for a few days.

www.oakclan.com is down at the moment, along with any emails associated with it, and it may stay that way for a few more days - possibly through the weekend - until some technical issues can be worked...
Posted by Jerrod Balzer on Fri, 07 Mar 2008 06:33:00 PST