PB Max profile picture

PB Max

'I can't beleive I don't get paid for this shit,'Where are the cops when you need them?!'

About Me


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I wasn’t always PB Max, in no way connected to the candy bar from the 80’s. I was born Max Legume. I had no powers back then, I was just your normal everyday boy. That all changed when I turned 9. My 3rd grade class had taken a field trip to a petting zoo and we were all instructed to bring a sack lunch. I had forgotten mine on the bus and was prepared to go hungry. When my teacher, Mrs. Biggcans, saw I was not eating she offered me half of her sandwich. My mother had never allowed me to have Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches, but I was really hungry, so I took Mrs. Biggcans up on her offer. It was the most wonderful thing I had ever tasted. Then my face swelled up and I began to convulse. I was rushed to the hospital and it became apparent that the reason mom had forbidden peanut butter and all other nuts from our home was because everyone in my family had peanut allergies. When I was released, even though I knew the dangers of the forbidden nut, I could not resist my new found addiction. After several trips to the hospital, Dr. Gobberpea suggested an experimental Serum that would genetically alter me and allow me to consume nuts and especially peanut butter. The experiment worked, my allergies were gone, but my cravings for the nut became stronger and stronger. Before long everything I devoured was a nut, was derived from a nut, or contained nuts. Then my powers started to develop and I realized my calling. I will spread justice across the land and educate children on choosing peanut butter as a healthy alternative snack.
My Super Powers
Peanut Butter Adhesion, Body transformation, Cosmic awareness, Danger sense, Empathy, Enhanced agility, Enhanced senses, Escape artist, Gliding, Intuition, Juggling, Luck, Energy absorption, Odor generation, Shape-shifting, and Super-human hand-eye coordination
Weaknesses
None of your damn business
Super-Villain Foes
Meducha & the Mass-N-Kill Clan
Gaseous Hillbilly
The Patchwork Slayer
The Peanut Butter Bandit
Bill O'Reilly
The Emerald Phantom

My Interests


PEANUT BUTTER
There's a food going 'round,
That's a sticky sticky goo...
Peanut Butter
Well it tastes real good
But it's so hard to chew
Peanut Butter
All my friends tell me
That they dig it the most!
Peanut Butter
Early in the morning
When they spread it on toast
Peanut Butter
My Grandma called
While I was havin' a snack
Peanut Butter
My tongue got stuck
So I couldn't call back
Peanut Butter
"My mouth is full Grandma"
Was all I could say
Peanut Butter
"That's perfectly clear
You sound lovely this way!"
Peanut Butter

I'd like to meet:

George Washington Carver
Peter Pan
Salma Hayek - Her skin is so beautiful, It reminds me of Honey Roasted Peter Pan
Mr. Peanut
Jimmy Carter
Charles N. Miller - Creater of Mary Janes, not the herb, the wonderful bite-size peanut butter and molasses candy
The man who discontinued the PB Max candy bar. I want to meet the man who destroyed the most delicious treat known to man. I want to look pure evil in the eye and stomp his ass so hard and so long that when I’m done, I will be able to spread him over a Ritz cracker. The line has to be drawn somewhere, and his actions were inexcusable

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Music:

"It's Not Easy To Be Me" by David Gray
"Superman" by Eminem
"I Need a Hero Lyrics" by Bonnie Tyler
"Scabs, Guns and Peanut butter" by Marilyn Manson
"Superhero" by Jane's Addiction
"Hero of the Day" by Metallica
"Working Class Hero" by John Lennon
"You Put Your Chocolate in my Peanut Butter" by NOFX

Movies:

Mixed Nuts
The Punisher
Batman Begins
Teenage Superhero Pregnancy Scare
Looking for Mr. Goodbar
The Peanut Butter Solution

Heroes:

The Albino Liberator
The Toxic Avenger
The Rainbow Flame
Stripperella
Bluntman & Chronic
Captain Liberty
The Cream Cheese Crusader
Captain Hero
Orgazmo
Me

Groups Super Hero Bitch Out
The International Amalgamated League of United Super Heroes and Sidekicks (IALUSHAS)
Reeses is for Lovers

SUPER~DUPER~HEROS!
I love the 80's
Super Heros wannaB's
Peanut Butter, fo shizzle!
Quentin Tarantino Fans
Peanut Butter Rules

My Blog

Halloween Costume Contest

I wanted to do something a little different and fun.  I was thinking since Halloween is my favorite holiday (and also my Birthday), Why not have a costume contest.  A contest must have a pri...
Posted by PB Max on Tue, 17 Oct 2006 09:08:00 PST

Celebrity Charities

  Celebrity Charities   I like the idea of celebrities giving money to charity.  I also like how they compete on game shows and donate their winnings to charity.  What I dont like ...
Posted by PB Max on Tue, 15 Aug 2006 09:42:00 PST