Chris D'Elia - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I'm east coast born. West coast raised. When I moved to Cali I learned the motherfucking game. M.O.B. I wear hoodies of various colors. Purple, yellow, blue, I want a pink one. I'll find it soon. I fuck with V-necks a lot. The chest hair's exposed, fuck it. I blow dry my hair because wet hair makes me wanna punch and kick. I'm gonna buy a Ferarri one day and do donuts outside this place called Jumpin' Java in Studio City. That's a daydream I have. I love watching girls kiss. Don't talk to me about sushi or cigars while eating sushi or smoking cigars. I should write a book that would be about this 16 year-old-kid who's old for his age and black people love him more than white people even though he's white. Man, it would be a bestseller. I could watch infomercials for a while while laughing. Especially that one with Chuck Norris and Christie Brinkley. Chuck doesn't want to be there. But he is. Hysterical. Tupac Shakur is a genius. Camp Lo is dope. My brother Matt D'Elia is someone that I would run into fire for. I love him. ............................................................ ............................................................ ............ Hit me up on IM "chanksmith".

My Interests

Outterspace, bitches, bitches in outterspace, and shoes.

I'd like to meet:

Kate Beckinsale so we can have a baby. For real. This is no joke. I'd have a baby with her and love the kid and her and the three of us can take vacations.If you want to come see me when I'm in town (Los Angeles) I'm at The Comedy Store a few times a week. It's on sunset. You can call the club at (323) 650-6268.

Music:

I like Tupac Shakur and Camp Lo and Phil Collins.

Movies:

Fuck movies. I hate them more than robots.

Television:

Infomercials.

Books:

Well, on one hand, there are good books. On the other hand, you have really boring, bad books. Bad books are the worst because they don't make you think about life or stimulate you creatively at all. But good books? You could read a good book and be entertained for almost 290 pages. One thing you could say when you're reading a really good book is something like, "This is a page turner," or, "It's hard to put this down."

Heroes:

Tupac Shakur.

My Blog

Chris D’Elia - Common Q & A.

Q: Where do you get all your inspiration from?A: The show "MASH" and my dad.Q: Hey Chris, how did you first get into stand-up comedy?A: I was sitting down watching TV once and I finally said you know ...
Posted by Chris D'Elia on Tue, 08 Jul 2008 05:22:00 PST

How I Feel About My Penis.

I want to be honest here, I've got a great dick. Sometimes I just wanna walk around and show it to people. But it wouldn't be sexual for me... at all, in fact. That's the thing, I don't even want t...
Posted by Chris D'Elia on Tue, 26 Feb 2008 01:28:00 PST

A Love Story.

I may end up NOT posting this by the time I'm done...but if you are reading this, obviously it went up. Anyway...I was out at a club after a show.I was talking to two girls. They were okay-looking, ...
Posted by Chris D'Elia on Wed, 30 May 2007 04:20:00 PST

A Kid's Life.

Kids like cookies but I thought about something.I bet you could really fuck up a kid's life if you made him eat cookies after every single meal even breakfast and even if he didn't want to. And when h...
Posted by Chris D'Elia on Tue, 03 Apr 2007 03:54:00 PST

I'm Not A Frou Frou Fan Per Se.

Frou Frou can really make you reevaluate your life. Like, I'm just chillin' and then a Frou Frou song comes on and I'm like, "Man, my father's such a great man," or "Goddamn life is what you make it ...
Posted by Chris D'Elia on Tue, 12 Dec 2006 03:42:00 PST

Kurt Russell's Survey.

Hey guys, Kurt sent me this one. Check it out.TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The SurveyName:Kurt RussellBirthday:March 17, 1951Birthplace:I don't give this out.Current Location:Wherever I go it kicks ass.E...
Posted by Chris D'Elia on Fri, 17 Nov 2006 03:10:00 PST

Lipstick.

There is nothing more unattractive than a chick with lipstick that goes beyond the perimeter of her lips. Nothing is more unattractive to me. Except, I guess...a big ass cock.
Posted by Chris D'Elia on Sun, 05 Nov 2006 05:12:00 PST

Chris D'Elia interviews Chris D'Elia for Chris D'Elia Magazine!

Editor Chris D'Elia: Hey, there, Chris. I know you're busy, but thanks a lot for fitting us in. All the readers of Chris D'Elia Weekly sure will be impressed with the fact that I'm sitting down wit...
Posted by Chris D'Elia on Thu, 26 Oct 2006 02:47:00 PST

Bringing Sexy Back?

"I'm Bringing Sexy Back" Sexy didn't go anywhere. Last I checked everyone still has sex and buys the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. IF sexy EVER went ANYWHERE...and someone asked YOU to go retri...
Posted by Chris D'Elia on Mon, 25 Sep 2006 11:07:00 PST