Stand-Up Comedy, Improv, Filmmaking, Piano & Guitar, Drawing & Cartooning, Writing, Poker, Consensual and Other Forms of Intercourse, Family & Friends, Children, Senior Citizens, America, The Soviet Union, Islam, Black People, Korean Women, Coyness, Goyness, Coquettishness, Cokeheadedness, Labia, Areolae, Stream-of-Fought, Ebonics.
I'd like to meet:
Perfect
Match:Okay, I'm gonna lay this out right here. If you're not six foot two, eighty pounds, and if you don't have 36GGs, don't even bother contacting me, because you can't have this. Also, you might want to consider going on a diet. You're disgusting.
Perfect First Date:First we'd go out for some escargot at Chez Gerard's on Prince Street. Of course, we'd wash that down with champagne. Then we could go catch The Death of Figaro at the Metropolitan Opera, but loosen up afterwards at The China Club. Finally, we'd top it off with you helping me sell crack in Washington Square Park to pay for the night.
Learned from Past Relationships:1.) If you've been going out with someone for two years, it's probably preferable that she be aware of it. And of you. 2.) Own a sturdy ladder.
(Special consideration given to midgets.)
Books:
The Torah by God, The Holy Bible by God, The Koran by God, Illusion by David Copperfield.
Heroes:
Alexander the Great, Peter the Great, Catherine the Great, Bob the So-So.
Rocco Siffredi & Lexington Steele: The Two Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
