Proper Fucking Mong Magnet profile picture

Proper Fucking Mong Magnet

'He can't speak Turkey, but you can tell he's delighted.' - Kevin Keegan.

About Me

There’s something of the rum fucker about me, granted. I like loud-mouthed, trouble-causing, music-loving women. I like two types of men a) handsome thickos with a penchant for class a's and relentless lovemaking and b) absolute genius/ creative fuck-ups, into mortal intellectual/ emotional/ sexual combat. I'm a shit girlfriend, but a loyal mate. I like interesting people, so let's not endure mindnumbing exchanges. Those are reserved for my Mother.

My Interests

Let's narrow this right down. I need only lick my finger and stick it out of my front door if i wish to acquire a musician, artist, bohemian, poet, rapper, DJ, comedian or revolutionary. I don't. You're probably a fucking bore. If you are a musician, artist, DJ, rapper, comedian, bohemian or revolutionary i will add you to my list of ''friends'' because i am no longer discerning, but the chances are we will never be real friends. I like people who give more than they take. I'm not interested in four hour conversations with famous people about why they've knocked drugs on the head and how they need to get back in touch with themselves. I don't want to dress up to go to an art gallery and listen to Trance DJ's whilst looking disinterested in shock tactic modern art, made by posh people. I'm not interested in album launch parties, networking or going to see obscure French films about gang rape with strangers. Fuck off.

I'd like to meet:

I’d like to meet foreign strangers looking for British citizenship, lesbian stalkers, posh artists, shit bands, angry men who want to tell me what’s wrong with me, the sexually perverse, transvestites, hippies, poets, clergymen, bohemians, white rappers, illiterates, swingers and devil-worshippers. I have to say that so far I have been thoroughly satisfied.


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Music:

SUPER FURRY ANIMALS, The Libertines, The Specials, DOLLY PARTON, Handsome Boy Modeling School, The Shirelles, The Silhouettes, Jimmy Soul, Nina Simone, The Temptations, The Beach Boys, THE WU-TANG CLAN (AND ALL THE DERIVATIVES), NAS, The Shangri-La's, A Tribe Called Quest, THE STONE ROSES, NIRVANA, George Clinton, Serge Gainsberg, Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five, Big Daddy Kane, Sonic Youth, Tom Waits, Metallica, Small Faces, The Who, Pink Floyd, The Pogues, Tom Petty, 808 State, THE GRAVEDIGGAZ, Chemical Brothers, Too Short, Ant Banks, The Buzzcocks, The James Taylor Quartet, Primal Scream, THE RAMONES, The Pixies, THE CLASH, Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday, The Streets, Ian Brown, The Doors, Portishead, TRICKY, Massive Attack, Inspiral Carpets, HAPPY MONDAYS, Black Grape, Foo Fighters, Phil Spector, Led Zeppelin, PRINCE, Jimi Hendrix, Arctic Monkeys, The Kinks, Peaches, Del Vikings, The Velvet Underground (and constitutive parts), Aphex Twin, Prodigy, Leftfield, Roni Size, DJ Assault, Mint Royale, Nouvelle Vague, Michael Jackson, THE JACKSON FIVE, Diana Ross, Dusty Springfield, Frank Sinatra, DEAN MARTIN, Sammy Davis Jr, JOHN LENNON, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Queens of the Stone Age, Nine Inch Nails, Mark Ronson, Soundgarden, Pearl Jam, Oasis, Cerys Matthews, Kirsty MacColl, The Dubliners, Basement Jaxx, Grooverider, Mickey Finn (all my AWOL bitches: It's fucking JUNGLE!), Blondie, Eazy-E, The Go! Team, NWA, PUBLIC ENEMY, Outkast, Onyx, Dion and the Belmonts, Elvis (both Presley and Costello), ARETHA, Simon and Garfunkel, Desmond Dekker (RIP), General Levy, Bob and the Wailers, SMOKEY ROBINSON, James Brown, Wilson Pickett, Dirty Pretty Things, The Beach Boys, Kasabian, Dizzee Rascal, Neneh Cherry, The Charlatans, Gomez, Gracie Fields, George Formby, Suede, Jamiroquai, Jesus jones, The Wonder Stuff, Gladys Knight and The Pips, Martha Reeves and The Vandellas, Tammi Terrell, Isley Brothers, Edwin Starr, The Four Tops, Maria Callas, The strokes, White Stripes, The Kids from Fame, Sly and the Family Stone, Kool and the Gang, Bad Manners, Toots and the Maytals, Erykah Badu, Guru, THE GANGSTARR FOUNDATION, Jeru the Damaja, Cypress Hill, Otis Reading, Marvin Gaye, Buddy Holly, Paris, Lords of the Underground, BOB DYLAN, The Rolling Stones, Chuck Berry, Edith Piaf, Missy Elliott(Goddess), STEVIE WONDER, Abba, The Carpenters, DE LA SOUL, Al Green. PRINCE PAUL is my favourite producer...managing to produce two of the greatest hip hop records of all time; one evil, one joyous...the man is a fucking GOD!

Movies:

I have a Kung Fu obsession, that i can't believe i've not mentioned before now; anything by Kurosawa. Plus...Clerks. Napoleon Dynamite. LA HAINE. Menace II Society. Little Miss Sunshine. THIS IS ENGLAND. Saturday Night, Sunday Morning. The Godfather Uno, Due. Taxi Driver. Raging Bull. Goodfellas (there's a theme here). The Wanderers. Nil By Mouth. Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? All about Eve. Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. It's a Wonderful life. How to Marry a Millionaire. Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory (Wilder). On the Waterfront. Rebel Without a Cause. Cool Hand Luke. The Man with Two Brains. Star Wars (4, 5 and 6). A Taste of Honey. Ultimo tango a Parigi. This list is fucking endless...

Television:

Come and listen to a story about a man named Jed A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed, Then one day he was shootin at some food, And up through the ground came a bubblin' crude.Oil that is, black gold, Texas tea.Well the first thing you know ol' Jed's a millionaire, Kinfolk said Jed move away from there Said Californy is the place you ought to be So they loaded up the truck and moved to Beverly.Hills, that is. Swimmin pools, movie stars.The Beverly Hillbillies!Well now its time to say good-bye to Jed and all his kin. And they would like to thank you folks fer kindly droppin in. You’re all invited back again to this locality To have a heapin helpin of their hospitalityHillbilly that is. Set a spell. Take your shoes off. Y'all come back now, y'hear?

Books:

Neil Simon. Luke Roberts. Roddy. Viz. Red Issue. Me. Predictably i like Hunter S. and Irvine Welsh, but i'm not opposed to any form of literature except 'chick lit'. Chick Lit. is a fucking travesty; i don't know any birds embroiled in a life in which the central dichotomy is whether or not some bloke is gonna find them more attractive in Armani shoes. And while we're on the subject i hate 'Heat' (some talentless bint who's married to some talentless fucker is getting too fat/thin)magazine and anything else that is supposed to be reflective of modern, feminist thinking and is actually about dick pleasing. Ladies; a little less dick pleasing please.

Heroes:

Extremists. CRISTIANO RONALDO. Mae West. Missy Elliott. Luke Roberts. Pacino. De Niro. Nicholson. A young Marlon Brando. George Best. Cantona. Paul Newman. Brian Michael Quinn. Mohammed Ali (I'm equal opps, baby!), The entire Italian football team (with particular reference to Francesco Totti). Diego Armando Maradona. Adam, Prince of Eternia, Defender of the Secrets of Castle Grayskull. James Dean. Hainsey. Liam Gallagher would still get it after all these years if he were totally silent. Stevie Wonder. Jimi Hendrix. Prince. Danny Dyer. Ian Brown. Kathy Burke. Jim Morrison. Sinatra. Phil Spector. Dean Martin. Rza. Pharell. Prince Paul. Morrissey. Ray Davies. That fella who refused to move when they built the M62 around his house- they offered him wads of cash and he was not for budging- his house stands as testament to the little guy 'socking it to the man'. He probably died due to toxic pollution levels or went fucking mental as a result of constant traffic noise, but I LOVE M62 man. Graffiti Artists. Strip Artists. Tattoo Artists. Piss Artists. Women. Ferris Bueller. Rosa Luxemburg. Jaime Pressly. Dolly Parton. Spike Milligan. Bette Davis. Napoleon Dynamite. Julie Walters. Rusty Griswald. Audrey Griswald. Shane Meadows. Blacks, Irish, Dogs. Oliver Reed. Face. Kurt Cobain. Method Man. Fifteen-year-olds. Millsy. Roscoe. Fidel Castro. Ernesto 'Che' Guevara. Marx. Peter Sellers. Gene Wilder. Richard Pryor. Peter Cook. Harry H Corbett. Jeff Buckley. Edith Piaf. Shaun Ryder. Jimmy Stewart. Mack the Knife. Dean Martin. Bobby Sands. Bobby Seale. M62 man. Lady Di ( i kid, i kid).......

My Blog

Me, Me, Me.

Here's one of them surveys. Feel free to add your own answers at the end, because EVERYONE cares whether or not you prefer Coffee to Tea:     The way to win your heart?An implied/ obvious in...
Posted by Proper Fucking Mong Magnet on Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:17:00 PST

Sex, Lies and Gaffer Tape.

As previously outlined, I've made a quasi-religious commitment to MTV over the last six months on account of being a) working class and incapable of any pro-active political activism, such was my rudi...
Posted by Proper Fucking Mong Magnet on Tue, 07 Oct 2008 07:14:00 PST

Middle- Eastlands.

I've bought some shite in my lifetime.   I've bought several service station sandwiches, which only have filling in the central reservation, rendering the outer stale edges filling-less. I've bo...
Posted by Proper Fucking Mong Magnet on Tue, 02 Sep 2008 08:50:00 PST

Tibet, Tantrums and TV.

I tried to avoid the Olympic Games 2008. On account of the political landscape and because I fucking hate watching people with more energy than me titting about at things I don't consider to be sport....
Posted by Proper Fucking Mong Magnet on Thu, 21 Aug 2008 08:30:00 PST

Cock-a-dupe.

My most recent blogs have all had a bit of the fundamental feminist about them. Perhaps this can be attributed to the fact that I've just turned 29 and the tits aren't going to cut the mustard alone f...
Posted by Proper Fucking Mong Magnet on Thu, 21 Aug 2008 07:46:00 PST

Girl on Girl.

Katy Perry is at number one in the download charts in several countries with her current single, 'I Kissed a Girl'. In one fell swoop this record executive puppet has managed to simultaneously negate ...
Posted by Proper Fucking Mong Magnet on Thu, 14 Aug 2008 10:11:00 PST

The Ladys Not For Burning.

Careful, there's a picture. This recent speculation about whether or not Thatcher will receive a state funeral is not limited to the dull, arse-rag that is The Daily Mail. No. Everyone's obsessed with...
Posted by Proper Fucking Mong Magnet on Tue, 22 Jul 2008 04:08:00 PST

Girls and Boys.

'Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money; Boys will laugh at girls when they're not funny'                  &nb...
Posted by Proper Fucking Mong Magnet on Tue, 08 Jul 2008 08:23:00 PST

Keep On Trying.

Fair enough.     After the news that Ronaldo's departure is imminent, Italy losing out to the Spaniards (in a tragic twist of events it seems that the Italian Striker, Luca Toni, lost all f...
Posted by Proper Fucking Mong Magnet on Tue, 08 Jul 2008 08:19:00 PST

Stop Trying.

Let's not talk about fate or destiny. It cheapens us.     Let's just say that we live in a world in which one is encouraged to be 'aspirational'.     It started early on.  ...
Posted by Proper Fucking Mong Magnet on Sun, 01 Jun 2008 10:03:00 PST