I've accomplished a lot of things in my life. These achievements include (but are certainly not limited to)...
Winning my 6th grade spelling bee
Participating in my 7th grade spelling bee
Hitting one triple and stealing one base in 10+ years of organized baseball
Bowling a 260-something one time
Graduating college with a thoroughly mediocre GPA after five years of slacking off
Catching four home runs in one Phillies/Marlins batting practice in 2004
Beating level 9-5 on Tetris six times in one night
Getting fired from a Taco Bell (how is that even possible)
Reading the majority of the Goosebumps books
Doing lots of crossword puzzles half way and then giving up
Being named the fourth funniest person in Philadelphia (population: 1.4 million*)
Playing 30 seasons of Madden 2006 after I had shoulder surgery and couldn't do anything else. My team was eventually shut down because we lost billions of dollars after I lowered ticket prices and spent a shitload on virtual goalposts, but we won a lot of games
Rooting for the evil green knight at Medieval Times even though I was clearly in the red knight's section and was given a red knight hat
Meeting former president Bill Clinton when I was nine
Winning student council secretary in seventh grade (didn't know this was a female position until it was too late)
*population statistics based on 2005 census results, funniness rating based on a comedy contest
Also, I am a former Omniana World Champion. Here's a video of me defending my title.
Omniana Battle: Pat Barker vs. Kent Haines from d on Vimeo .