SABRINA JALEES - ProfilesArchive

About Me

SABRINA JALEES (me) WRITES A HILARIOUS COLUMN EVERY TUESDAY IN THE TORONTO STAR'S (www.thestar.com available free online) ID SECTION!!! ALSO SHE STARS ON MUCH MUSIC'S VIDEO ON TRIAL!!! ALSO SHE WORKS ON CBC RADIO'S GO!
I do stand-up comedy. I also audition for Tim Horton's commercials. I also have some great friends. I also have some friends who i'm all like, "you're great" to their face but once they leave the room i rip on 'em (hard). I also have friends who pretend not to want my friendship but secretly stare at me through my window while i'm sleeping (they're names rhyme with Mangelina Polie and Teminem). I've got a mom who looks like my elderly, swiss, lesbian lover when we hold hands in public. I've got a father who sometimes reminds me of a pakistani willy loman. I have a brother whose expected value in the commerce world is estimated at 3 billion dollars. I've got dozens of cousins and even more aunties and uncles who, if a montage of my life were ever presented to them, would be estimated to shit and barf at the same time. Who are you?

My Interests

Comedic things. Deep things. Things that make you laugh and then go "hmmm. Society."

I'd like to meet:

Sarah Silverman. Now or later. Preferrably now.
Nikki Glaser. August in New York (...not to be confused with Autumn in New York...the movie in which Winnona Ryder is killed slowly by a disease (which she stole))

Music:

If you have a cool haircut and nice kicks, whatever you like.Otherwise, M.I.A.

Movies:

Scary Movie II

Television:

Party of Five.

Books:

If Ellen Degeneres wrote it, i read it. Don't mean to brag. (yes i do)

Heroes:

Helen Keller. Please, don't even pretend you'd leave your house if you couldn't see, feel, touch, taste, eat, smell, think, breathe, fart.
Mae Martin (yes, my friend DOES love me enough to get my signature tatooed to her leg).

My Blog

Pre-Exam Quiz: Let Me Help You, Dumbass

.. ARTICLE CONTENT--> The only thing more painful than getting through your own period is getting through exam period.* You've managed to make it through the year by writing book reports based on oth...
Posted by SABRINA JALEES on Wed, 11 Apr 2007 10:41:00 PST

Video On Trial...Behind The Scene(s)

Video On Trial, behind the scenes Nov. 7, 2006. 05:59 AM SABRINA JALEES --> icx_story_begin -->So I work on a little television show for MuchMusic called Video On Trial. Being a regular "j...
Posted by SABRINA JALEES on Thu, 23 Nov 2006 10:27:00 PST

The Night Britney Got Fed(erlined) Up (LOL)

The untimely end of K-Fed Nov. 21, 2006. 06:05 AM SABRINA JALEES --> icx_story_begin -->Like most of the civilized Western world, I too was left shaken to the point of mild vibration upon h...
Posted by SABRINA JALEES on Thu, 23 Nov 2006 10:24:00 PST

Joke Thieves

Nothing funny 'bout joke thieves Oct. 17, 2006. 01:00 AM SABRINA JALEES --> icx_story_begin -->This is an urgent message to all joke-owners: Beware, thieves lurk among us! Creepily prowlin...
Posted by SABRINA JALEES on Thu, 02 Nov 2006 11:17:00 PST

Spooky Halloween Guide...

You only scare, because you care... --> icx_story_begin -->Somewhere between girlhood and grown-up-land you hit that age where the meaning of "trick-or-treat" begins revolving around looking like you...
Posted by SABRINA JALEES on Thu, 02 Nov 2006 11:16:00 PST

BACK TO S-COOL

Because you deserve back-up dancers Sep. 5, 2006. 06:37 AM SABRINA JALEES Another summer's been kicked into life's landfill and along with it went all those goals you made at its kick-off. Y...
Posted by SABRINA JALEES on Tue, 05 Sep 2006 11:51:00 PST

You'll Like YouTube

YouTube takes over the conversation Aug. 29, 2006. 06:57 AM SABRINA JALEES Don't get me wrong: I enjoy a deep conversation revolving around technology's rise being the death of society just ...
Posted by SABRINA JALEES on Tue, 05 Sep 2006 11:50:00 PST

Don't Get Preggers, Girls

Baby, that's a bad idea Being pregnant is not cool. Be warned Aug. 22, 2006. 01:00 AM SABRINA JALEES Dear Impressionable Young Women of Today: There has undoubtedly been a trend embedding i...
Posted by SABRINA JALEES on Tue, 05 Sep 2006 11:49:00 PST

Sometimes girls are shitty...

Woman, you annoy me Jul. 4, 2006. 06:52 AM SABRINA JALEES DEAR GIRLS OF THE WORLD: I'm not gonna lie, sometimes you're annoying. Don't get me wrong, I understand that all of you can't be g...
Posted by SABRINA JALEES on Tue, 04 Jul 2006 03:42:00 PST

Fame-ish

Finding Nelly and fame Jun. 27, 2006. 06:21 AM SABRINA JALEES Tonight, after yoga, as I faux-confidently stepped out of the communal shower buck-naked, a girl called out, "Are you Sabrina Ja...
Posted by SABRINA JALEES on Thu, 29 Jun 2006 06:23:00 PST