Destroying communities, environments and jobs. I love not providing health benefits my employees can afford... who WOULDN'T love that though, right? And secretly hiring immigrants so I can pay them backdoor wages! And convincing single mothers that Trimspa works! And Union busting! Oooohh and laying around eating Cherry Garcia Ice Cream while wearing my husband's work clothes, I just feel so safe and sensual. I'll be right back, I need to go count a few billion dollars (it may take a little while).
I'd like to meet:
I would like to meet that bastard Costco in a dark alley sometime, my fists have a few things they'd like to talk to him about. He thinks he's so damn great just because he's a little younger than me and has an attached gas station, and fantastic deli style pizza at a reasonable price. Well how many small independent Mom and Pop stores still operate within a 50 mile radius of where you're located, Mr. Costco? Hhhmmmm? Quite a few I'll wager! You couldn't crush the dreams of small business retailers if your shareholder's pocketbooks counted on it! I freaking cut through Mom and Pop retail outlets like I was Tom Cruise and they were Katie Holmes's vulnerable desire to be loved!
Music:
The sound of as many humans as possible suffering in unison, Sheryl Crow, Edited versions of popular hip-hop, the sound an elderly person's joints make when they've been asked to skip lunch again by their manager and they realize they have to continue smiling for another solid hour or they'll be let go, Radiohead (but not Kid A, can anyone spell "pretentious"?)
Television:
24!24!24!24!24!24!24!24!24!24!24!24!24!24!
24!24!24!24!24!24!24!24!24!24!24!24!24!24!
Jack Bauer in Spanish means !Muy Picante!
Books:
The DaVinci Code, and any book about a large corporation who recklessly abuses the rights of workers to turn a profit while espousing Christian values of charity and concern for others, !!!-- and if anyone from the Bible Belt asks, not Harry Potter- because that teaches children about witchcraft.
Heroes:
The brave men and women who lost their lives on 9/11, The brave fighting men and women who are overseas in Iraq and Afghanistan, The brave colored survivors of Hurricane Katrina, and any other hot button group of people that I can use by attaching my image to them to make me look good to Middle America.
