Kristen Ferrell Art & Clothing

WWW.KRISTENFERRELL.COM
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Because woman's work is underpaid or unpaid & what we look like is more important than what we do & if we get raped it is our fault & if we love women it's because we can't get a real man & if we expect community care for our family we are selfish & if we stand up for our rights we are loud & if we don't we are typical weak females & if we want to get married we are out to trap a man & if we don't we are unnatural & because we aren't deemed responsible enough to decide if, when and how we give birth... WE ARE FEMINISTS.
-Joyce Stevens, 1975

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*LIFE ACCORDING TO KRISTEN*

*The terms "scream like a girl" or "hit like a girl" should be nothing but a compliment. Because every girl I know will put the grunty-est all-dude grindcore band to shame with their screams when provoked; and when we hit, not only will we put you on the ground, but then we'll go after you with our nails and high-heels. Tread lightly when using those phrases, boys.

*When approached by religious zealots on the street inquiring as to whether or not I have accepted jesus as my savior, I throw my arms around them and scream at the top of my lungs "THANK YOU LORD! I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOUR MESSENGERS TO FIND ME AND LEAD ME TO YOUR PROMISED LAND!!! I FUCKING LOVE YOU PEOPLE!!!!!". (this works best if you can make yourself cry).

*If I see one more image of a "punk chick" with a gun, I'm going to shove a knife in my throat.

*The only people who wear sweatpants/pajamas in public are either insane or "mentally challenged".

*Everything should be pink with scalloped edges... and preferably on a chicken.

*Please don't be offended if I don't remember your name after meeting you multiple times. I never remember anyone's name. I called my son one of the cat's names the other day... so be patient with me.

*There is no excuse for "flip-flops" to be worn anywhere except in a YMCA shower or locker room. These are not a socially acceptable shoe. Stop wearing them now.

*For the fellas out there who like to walk around without a shirt on... knock it off. Seriously. I don't care what kind of shape you're in... noone is impressed. Put your fucking clothes back on, dumbass. You're creeping us all out with your narcisistic schenanigans.

*I don't understand girls who "don't get along with other girls".

*I can never seem to get my house as clean as I'd like it to be, and it makes me lay on the floor and scream at the top of my lungs for my mom.

*I cannot help but immediatly dislike you if I see you putting clothing on your dog. This is something I have no control over... you will have to work very hard to earn back my respect. (and I am aware that this is a total contradiction because my cat has a myspace profile... but I just don't care)

*I never never ever appreciate unannounced guests. I don't care who you are.

*If you are a "dude" that I haven't already accepted into my world, and you see me at a bar- know that if you approach me, I will publically destroy you, and I will do it as loudly as possible. I don't get out often, and it certainly isn't to shag you.

*If you are a "dude" that I haven't already accepted into my world, and you send me some vile asshole message filled with sexual insinuations... I will post it so everyone can laugh at you, and contact you to tell you how small your penis is, and how you must be AMAZINGLY pathetic to try to pick up chicks on an ON LINE COMMUNITY. We will all talk about you being a social retard, and how your only friend is your mom, and you have probably never even seen a girl naked except for the cheezy porn you have saved on your computer. But girls can write me whatever they want. Girls tend to not be predatory douchebags.