♥ “Your life is precious, because to God you are precious.†♥
Zephaniah 3:17
This is a support page devoted to those who are struggling with mental health disorders like depression, bi-polar, anxiety, etc. I also want to address those of us that struggle with self-injury and suicidal tendencies.
My testimony (Why I'm here)...
My name is Melissa, I am 26 years old, have been married for almost 8 years, and am an artist/decorator. What most people don't know is that I suffer from type II Manic Depression, and anxiety disorder (for me all that means is that I am depressed a lot more than I am manic). I have attempted to take my life twice in the past two years, experimented with different kinds of self-injury as a teenager, and still struggle with thoughts and tendencies of self harm.
All that being said, I am a Christian, I love the Lord with all my heart. I have been a believer for over 6 years now, and in the beginning of my walk with the Lord his love was all that consumed me... all I wanted was to serve Him with every moment, and please Him with my heart and my life. Then something changed, a lot changed, and I was diagnosed with clinical depression.
At times my faith has been used by Satan to confuse me more, my weaknesses have often caused me to feel like I'm putting Christ on that cross all over again, day after day, and I have felt completely helpless.
I became victim of an illness, and of a type of human frailty that is too easily judged by others. No one understood what I was going through, not even me. I felt abandoned and alone. I tried talking about it to my pastor and other spiritual mentors but none were able to offer any relief. There were a few who attempted to "help" by either trying to cast out demons or by suggesting that all I needed to do was "Ask the Lord to deliver me...", "Repent of my sins.", and "Trust in the Lord." Their intentions were noble, but as a sincere believer... lets just say that their suggestions were less than welcomed, after months of tormenting myself with those very things .
Depression creeps on slowly with most people, and mine was no different. It first noticeably showed up while I was on a mission trip in Venezuela with my husband. I was at the peak of my spiritual walk, daily attempting to learn what it was to surrender myself completely to God. Of coarse, at the time we believed it was spiritual warfare, and treated it as such until it became evident that something else was going on... Ironically, it is only now, three painful years later that I can honestly say that I think I am finally starting to get the whole surrender thing. This illness changed my life in so many ways. I became alienated from my loved ones and church family. My marriage was almost completely destroyed, most of my Christian friends vanished instantly, and I had no contact at all with my already estranged family. I could not work, or interact with people on a social level at all without becoming hysterical and even more isolated. I think one of the hardest things to come to terms with was the fact that I asked everyone around me for help through fellowship, and I did not get it. I was left alone everyday, every moment, with the bitter reality of what a hopeless mess and failure I was, and of how I was undeserving of others concern. I hated myself, and could see nothing worth preserving. All I wanted to was to be in the arms of my savior... and rest in knowing that I could not do any more damage, or be a burden to anyone else.
Though I could not sense or "feel" God in my despair, I know now that he truly held me in his arms and protected me from my own intentions in that time of complete darkness, as a father protects his child. I had no relationship with my real father at all, my husbands father was in denial that anything was even wrong with me, and my spiritual father/mentor had all but completely abandoned me.
I absolutely cherish the complexing moment of despair and joy as I realized that the only father I had or needed was God himself.
I pray you all have such an awakening.
♥ "Blessed be the Lord,who daily bears our burden, the God who is our salvation." Psalm 68:19 ♥
Unfortunately, for most, depression is not something that just "gets better" or "goes away", it is a constant daily struggle to not give into the darkness. ALL forms of depression are treatable. I have pursued many avenues of therapy from medication to art as my personal therapy, and all have helped in their own way. Living with depression is hard, but it is possible to be fruitful and productive. Our lives are worth fighting for. Christ calls us to "lean not on our own understanding", and so I don't.
I pick myself up day by day, and take each moment as it comes. I no longer try to attain perfection by "doing" all the things that the scriptures says are "good", as that only tends to remind me of all the things I'm NOT doing. Rather, I trust that I am a work in progress, and I accept that He is the one changing me a little everyday, as HE sees fit... I am no longer trying to change myself in order to be "worthy" of God, or to reach any kind of spiritual goals other than just deepening my fellowship with Him, and that's enough for now. This is where he wants me, and all I want is to be near Him.
I started this page in the hope that others like myself, could feel connected, and find the fellowship and encouragement that we so desperately long for. And I give God praise for doing just that. Our page has been visited almost 8,000 times, and almost 800 brothers and sisters have come together to encourage one another as friends on here. That is nothing short of the hand of God reaching down on us here, in this place...
to meet us where we are, and give us comfort.
We all know deep down that God desires us to embrace the love he has for each of us, and realize that our true value is found only in Him... I truly hope and pray that this site becomes a place where we are all reminded of that...My desire is that this site becomes a safe place for people like us to lighten our loads. A home for our pain and thoughts to find refuge, and rest by seeking healing from God, and understanding from one another. A place where we can share our stories, our sorrows, and especially the moments of hope and joy we find in the midst of our suffering. This is a place where you will not be judged or condemned for what you are going though. I will be monitoring every post, every comment, and response on here to make sure of that.
I want you to feel free to ask me anything, I will do my best to give you honest and sincere answers, and to refer you to the best source when I'm not sure about something.
♥ "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." 1 Peter 4:12-13 ♥
The world is uneducated, and so are our churches.
I believe in educating ourselves about our illnesses, and in talking to others, especially our brothers and sisters-in-Christ, about the truth regarding our pain, our struggles, and the confusion it causes our hearts and minds. Often we find out that others have struggled with depression for years but, we would never know, because it's become a "private" battle. Unlike cancer, or diabetes, this is not the kind of illness we hear our pastors pray about in church...(non-specific)believers with depression, and those battling with suicide or self-injury, etc. It's like our churches can't say out loud YES we struggle in the darkness even though we have the light. And so, because of our fear and pride, and the silent desire to just sweep these issues under the rug, the stigmas of mental illness continues to grow within our churches and our community. Most people don't have any idea that depression is an actual medical condition, they truly believe that it's "just in our heads".
God loves each one of us. We are not crazy, self-absorbed, lazy, or out of control. We are people who have been forced to fight a battle we did not choose, a battle that destroys far more than our self-worth, and our confidence... depression is an illness that effects not only the way we think and feel about ourselves; it tears apart our lives, our families, our friendships, and our minds, on the deepest and most fundamental levels. It effects our jobs, and our relationships with other believers.
It is hard to understand why sometimes God chooses not to heal us, especially when we beg for healing... and it is even harder when other believers blame the person who is sick by saying that they just don't have enough faith to be healed. The fact that any of us have gone through what we have, and can still say that we believe in God, in Jesus, and in the truth of Gods word is proof enough of the strength of our faith. Job's faith was tremendous, and yet he suffered horribly, because it was the will of God. Just because we are suffering it doesn't mean that our faith is weak, or that we haven't asked God enough times for healing. If your experience with depression has been anything like mine, then you probably have begged God everyday to take away all the confusion and pain.
All that being said, we should never stop asking the Lord to deliver us from our illnesses, or believing that he will heal us in His own way, and in His own time. Like the apostle Paul, God may have a reason for allowing us to go through these trials, we may have thorns in our sides that God wants us to bear for His purposes. Only He knows the answers, only He can judge and make an accurate assessment of what is truly going on inside our hearts and minds...
Depression is a walk not many understand, but those of us that do, those of us that have no choice but to walk this path, we can choose to walk it together.
"Alone we are a single drop, but together we are an ocean."
Our voice is loud if we choose to speak...
♥ "The Lord hears good people when they cry out to him, and he saves them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and he saves those whose spirits have been crushed." Psalm 34:17-18 ♥
♥ "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 ♥
If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide please do not wait until it is too late. Call someone for help. God loves you and He promises us he will never give us more than we can carry.
♥ "No trial has come to you but what is human. God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it."
1 Corinthians 10:13 ♥
I think we all have strength that we are unaware of.
As unbearable or hopeless as it may seem, there is help, there is hope. We belong to God, He is the only one who should ever make the decision of when our lives should end...
♥ "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 ♥
♥" Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own, you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 ♥
♥ "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27 ♥
♥ “He reached down and took hold of me...he drew me out of deep waters.
Psalm 18:16 ♥
♥ "Though I am lowly, I do not forget your words." ♥
Psalm 119:141
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