Sister Bertha Bangersâ„¢

I'm interested in late night trips to my secret porta pottie of prayer to shave my vulva. It's a simple way to show respect for myself and my pa$tor. I love to play with my glorious organ at church...especially when there's a church split taking place! It's invigorating! I find judging sinners interesting. I like to go on 40 day fasts, watch "Christian TV" and make peach preserves for my church friends & family. There are many other things that can steeply "raise" my interests as well, like going into rehab to detox my self from Religitol or crusading to tax commercialized religion. OK, so I'm a little confused. But I have to say that nothing gets me more turned on than raising 501C3 tax free ministry funds through the exploitation & enticement of "love Gifts". Here's a few of my own. SHOUT YES!Before SBB's husband Delos Bangers (a dyed in the wool Southern Bapticostal) was forced into the Happy Endings nursing home, he tormented her endlessly. For years, he forced her to live without natural affection & demanded doggie style sex at least twice a day and thrice on Sundays. 1 for the Father, 1 for the son & 1 for the Holy Ghost! That is until Bertha decided she had suffered enough oppression from the old "uncircumsized Philistine"! One day while she was praying in her Secret Porta Pottie O' Prayer...she asked the "Oracle" for deliverance from Delos the Bapticostal deviate. Suddenly, after taking a handful of Religitol...she had a "vision" of a shriveled up geriatric dinky with the name Delos tattooed on it! She shouted hallelujah! Then she heard the voice of the "Oracle" give her the recipe for St. Peter Salt Peter and command her to place one teaspoon in Delos' orange juice every morning. Her doggie-style days have long since been over! Glory!As true bible fundamentalists...it's time to get back to a literal interpretation of holy, infallible scriptures like our founding fathers taught. If the bible (King James only) says that women are forbidden to speak at church...that's exactly what it means! NO FARTING! NO SPEAKING LADIES! PLUG EVERY HOLE FOR THE CAUSE OF TRUE BIBLE BELIEVING CHRISTIANITY!We apologize for this one. Sister Bertha was detoxing from Religitol when she designed it.