Who is Stephen Colbert you asked? Well, you may know me as Stephen Colbert the TV Pundit with the wildly successful show called The Colbert Report. Or maybe I'm Stephen Colbert the Peabody award winner, an award I got for my excellents on Television. Or am I, Stephen Colbert, the Golden Globe Award winner? Or maybe I'm Stephen Colbert the Devilishly handsome stud that graces you on TV. Or am I, Stephen Colbert, the God fearing Catholic from South Carolina that's on TV. Or what about Stephen Colbert, the former Presidential Candidate of South Carolina with the wash board abs. Whatever you see me as, you should view me as one thing, an American, just like you, except I am on TV. So you should view me as an American that's on TV. Which makes me better than you.
If you don’t believe that I’m better than you, why don’t you ask People Magazine, who recognized me as one of the Sexiest Men Alive? Or you could ask GQ, who honored me as one of the Men of The Year for 2006. Not to mention that Maxim Magazine named me, Stephen Colbert, one of the Sexiest News Anchors in the world. Plus, I won VH1’s Big Breakthrough Award. Ben and Jerry also honored Stephen Colbert by naming an ice cream after me, Stephen Colbert's AmeriCone Dream . If you are not convinced that I am better than you after reading all of those accomplishment, just remember one thing, that Hungary is naming a bridge after me. Oh and don't forget that I am the best selling author of I Am America (And So Can You) .
Please Nation, do your part to help America by going to www.ColbertNation.com and buying things like a Colbert Report Mug or T-Shirt or Stephen Colbert's Formula 401. This will help the U.S. economy and the last time I checked the only ones that don't want the U.S. economy to grow are Terrorist. So, if you are not a terrorist, go to the website and make sure you have your credit card information ready too.
One last note, I have to put the following awards: Peabody, Golden Globe, Pulitzer Prize, and Noble Prize on notice. As soon as you give me an award I will take you off of notice.
